Broken And Unloved (ON HOLD)
by MikaylaYardley
Summary: Clare used to have a perfect life,until her parents got divorced.her dad doesnt want anything to do with her&shes not who she used to n a new dark boy help her become who she once was.or will she push him away like everyone else. real summary inside
1. Chapter 1

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 1

Clare's POV:

I jumped when I heard my alarm clock go off in my bedroom. I was currently sitting in my bathroom floor with a blood stained razor in one hand, while the other lay beside me staining the floor a crimson red. I had gotten up earlier than I normally do so I could relieve some of my pain without the constant screaming of my mother's voice. My alarm clock kept screeching and I knew that in just a few moments my life controlling mom would be in here telling me to get up. As much as I wanted to sit here and enjoy feeling the blood run out of my arm, I knew that if my mom found me like this the little bit of freedom that I had would be gone forever. I would have no privacy, and the once a week therapy would become a three times a week thing. I didn't want that to happen so I grabbed a wash cloth and applied it to the cut on my wrist. I pealed myself off of the floor, slapped a band aid on my cut, and hid the washcloth and razor under my sink. I was just turning on the water to my shower when my mom barged into my bathroom.

Mom- "Oh. You're up."

Me-"Yeah, I wanted to have time to take a shower."

Mom-"Well, hurry up. I have to leave early for work, meaning that we have to leave early so I can drive you to school."

Me-"What? No, mom I can walk."

Mom-"I don't think that is such a good idea."

Me-"Oh, come on. And anyways if you have to leave early, that means that I will be stuck at school for an hour before it starts."

Mom-"An hour? Well, that will give you time to catch up with your friends."

Me-"Oh yeah. The friends that I don't have any more are probably still in the bed asleep."

Mom-"Fine. You know what? If you don't want to try to keep any of your friends, that's okay with me."

Me- "Yeah. The stage for trying to keep my so called friends is way over."

Mom-"Well, whose fault is that? If you didn't push people away, you would have someone to talk to. You know like Ali."

Me-"I don't push people away! They just don't get me. And Ali is too busy batting her eyelashes and trying to get Drew's attention."

Mom-"Ok. You know what I'm not going to argue with you."

Me-"Fine!"

She walked out of my bathroom and down the stairs, probably putting her coat on and getting the keys.

Mom-"I left money on the table for take-out, don't wait up."

And with that she was gone. I stripped off my pj's and climbed in the shower. The hot water felt amazing as it worked the stress out of my shoulders and back. I stood there for what felt like an eternity. As soon as I felt cold water hit my body I knew that I had been in there long enough. I shut the shower off, letting the excess water runoff my body. I climbed out of the shower and wrapped the towel around me. I walked into my bedroom just standing there for a few moments, before I walked over to my IPod dock and turned on some Dead Hand. Glancing at the time I quickly ran into my closet to get my clothes. I decided on wearing black skinny jeans, with a black Dead Hand tee-shirt. I ran out of my closet and back into my bathroom to do my hair and put some make-up on. I carefully but quickly applied my make-up especially emphasizing on the black eye shadow and eye liner. I grabbed my IPod from its dock, my black school bag and ran downstairs. I wasn't that hungry but decided to grab and apple from the kitchen table anyways. I grabbed my coat, slipped on my converse and was out the door in no time. I couldn't stand to be in that house. While walking to school I took a couple of bites out of my apple before tossing it into a trash can I passed by. When I got the Degrassi's parking lot, I could see K.C, my ex boyfriend surrounded by a bunch of skimpy cheerleaders, including the one that had stole him away from me back in grade 9, Jenna. Shit. I have to walk pass them. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was scared of her, I just didn't feel like having to beat her ass today. When I passed them I could see them trying to get my attention but because of the loud rock music blaring from my headphones, I couldn't hear a thing. I closed my eyes and breathed hard through my nose. I didn't need this. I didn't need to listen to what she was saying. I didn't need to beat her ass because then I would end up getting grounded and suspended. Before I realized what had happened I was falling and my ass came in contact with the pavement. I quickly yanked my earphones from my ears. I was looking down to make sure that I wasn't bleeding anywhere, while also trying to untangle myself from my earphones.

Me-"What the hell!"

I looked up to see whose fault this was, but when I did the only thing I could see was a gorgeous pair of emerald eyes. At first I was mesmerized but I quickly snapped out of it. The next thing I saw was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. He had chocolate black hair and side swept bangs. His skin was a creamy light tan color. He had a strong jaw line and perfect lips. I noticed that he was wearing all black clothes, and jewelry that was identical to my gothic emo punk style. Every inch of him was intriguing but the thing my eyes kept wandering back to was his piercing green eyes. The sexiest smirk that I had ever seen was plastered to his lips, and he got this look and his face that looked like he was proud of something. I guess he could tell that I had been checking him out. I decided not to give him the satisfaction and quickly looked down.

Mystery Guy-"I'm so sorry. I must of ran into you when I wasn't paying attention."

Me-"Well, obviously."

It was hard being mean to him when he seemed so sincere and generous. Wait- what am I thinking? He was just another jackass excuse for a guy. I quickly sat up on my knees and began to pick up my belongings that had fallen out of my bag during the fall. He knelt beside me and began to pick up his papers and his binder.

Mystery Guy-"Look, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Me-"Yeah, as if you could have enough effect on me to upset me."

And with that I grabbed my cell phone that was lying on the pavement and walked straight into the school. I quickly dashed into the girl's bathroom to get myself together. I knew that I had been kind of harsh but I also knew that if I hadn't of left when I did I would have caved and let him in. That wouldn't of helped with my "Stay the fuck away from me" attitude. I mean it wasn't like I didn't talk to people, I did I just didn't let them get close. My new attitude wasn't because I was tired of my friends, or because I thought I was better than them. I guess you could say that my parent's divorce and my dad was the reason I had changed. I had other reasons, but those two were the ones that had affected me the most. It wasn't so much the thought that because my parents couldn't make it with love, that I wasn't going to be able to either. It was more of me thinking about all the pain and heartbreak that I had endured, and that if you don't get close you don't get hurt. I had successfully been doing that for the past year and a half, but now all of a sudden I bump into this boy who makes me want to feel again. I couldn't for the life of me understand why, but the more I thought about it the more my brain hurt. So I came up with the only thing I could…it was unexplainable. The school bell rang breaking my train of thought. DAMNIT! I'll be late for 1st period again.

Mystery boy's POV:

Ok what the actually fuck just happened. Here I am walking through the Degrassi parking lot when all of a sudden me and this girl run into each other causing her to fall down. I bent down to see if she was ok and to apologize but that's when she looked up at me. She had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were big and blue. I couldn't help but to stare into them and when I did it was like I was surrounded by a deep blue ocean. I wish I could of stared into them forever. She just sat there checking me out. Normally I ignore girls in general because of what happened with my ex, but for some strange reason I liked her checking me out. I couldn't help but smirk, and I guess that gave me away because she looked down before moving to sit on her knees to pick up her stuff. I apologized once again because the first time I got a mean reply. But when I told her I was sorry the second time she bit my freaking head off and stormed off into the school. And here I stand not knowing what the fuck just happened. Even though she was mean, I couldn't help but think about her all freaking day long. Her eyes weren't the only beautiful thing on her. Her face, her short auburn curls, her plump pink lips, her crimson cheeks when she blushed, and then her big beautiful eyes. Her body type was just perfect. She wasn't skin and bones, but she wasn't big either. She was just in the middle. And she had curves in all the right places. She rocked her style to. It was identical to mine. She wore black skinny jeans, with a black Dead Hand tee-shirt. They were my favorite band. She was just so sexy and beautiful. She wasn't like all the boney and skimpy girls at Degrassi. She didn't put herself out there, and try to get attention. It seemed to me like she tried to avoid attention at all costs. She seemed like the kind of girl who cared more about her life then what she wears or eats. But it also seemed like she had been scared and hurt. I sat in 3rd period wondering what could have happened to her to make her so protected and insecure. I wondered if it was an ex boyfriend, or a friend. Every possibility ran through my head, but the more I thought about someone hurting her, the madder I got. I couldn't stand the thought of someone hurting her and I wanted to hurt the person who hurt her. My thinking was interrupted when my physics teacher called on me for the answer to a problem, which I passed on. I mentally thanked her. I didn't know this girl at all. I didn't understand why I felt so protective over her. I couldn't get her out of my mind no matter how hard I tried, even when my stomach growled and I got my lunch and sat down outside to eat. She was still in my mind. I guess I had been in her mind too because I quickly received a text from her. The text explained that during her fall this morning our phones had gotten switched. I had hers and she had mine. I knew this since early this morning. I had felt the vibration of her phone go off in 2nd period and not stop ever since. It was some girl named Ali, who seemed to be freaking out at the thought that she wasn't replying. I knew I should have texted her to tell her that I had her phone, but I didn't want to. I figured that if I had her phone, it would give me a reason to see her again. And I know that sounds pathetic and stalkerish but still I couldn't help it. She was like a drug and I was addicted. Her text continued when I told her my name and agreed to meet her outside at the picnic tables to re exchange phones. I was sitting in the corner just talking to my best bud Adam that is until I saw her walk out of the doors and look around everywhere. Now I won't tell her this but when she didn't find me she looked kind of disappointed. I thought for a brief second that maybe she did want to see me but then I thought that maybe she just wanted her phone back. She sent me a text asking me where I was so I sent her one back and walked over to her. She obeyed what my text said to do and turned around. I then found myself connected again to her beautiful eyes.

Clare's POV:

Well, I had survived all the way until lunch. I was currently standing in front of my locker getting the books I needed for 4th period. I was surprised that I hadn't got a "Where are you" text from Ali yet. Maybe my phone got changed to silence during the fall this morning. Oh the fall this morning. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse. He was so handsome and sexy but I still couldn't get him off my mind. It was impossible, trust me I tried everything. It's just he was so damn sexy. His side swept bangs, his strong jaw line, his perfect lips, and then his green eyes. I couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like to have our lips together. Yummy. I mentally slapped myself back into reality. God, I've got to stop zoning out. I reached into my bag and pulled my phone out unlocking the screen, still no texts. This was odd. Ali was normally texting me like crazy if I was late for lunch. Even though we didn't hang out, and we weren't as close as we used to be, we still had lunch together. I decided to send her a text to see if she was even here today, considering that we didn't see each other at all other than lunch. I pressed the contact button and scrolled down in search for her name but I couldn't find it. Yeah maybe my phone got turned down during the fall but there was no way in hell that Ali's contact got deleted. That's when I noticed that there were two contacts above where Ali's should have been, named Cece and Bullfrog. What they fuck? I didn't know anyone by those names. That's when it dawned on me that this morning when I fell me and the mystery boy must have switched phones by accident. We had the same phone which was an IPhone 4. I had gotten it a few months ago from my dad. He was trying to make up for not spending the weekend with me like he had promised. I pushed the memory out of my head not wanting to think about it. I decided that I would text him and handle this but first I needed to get to the cafeteria and let Ali know I was ok before she got all worried. Ali always got really worried when I didn't text back and not show up. Who could blame her? I mean if your best friend had almost killed herself in the girl's bathroom and year earlier you would be a little paranoid too. I know Ali cared about me and was just trying to give me the space I asked for, but sometimes it was just a little much. I shut my locker and walked off in the direction of the cafeteria. After I had gotten my lunch, found Ali and explained to her why I wasn't answering her texts, I got his phone out and started texting him.

~Text Messages~

Me-"Hey, mystery person whose name I don't know. I don't know if you have noticed but this morning when we bumped into each other we kind of switched phones."

I looked around the cafeteria but didn't see him, so I guessed he was in class. He replied within minutes.

Mystery Boy-"Well, well, well, looks like you're right. My name's Eli. Oh and by the way you have yet to inform me of your name."

I couldn't help but blush, considering that he was trying to flirt with me. I almost sent him a flirty text back but decided not to. I was trying to distance myself from people. Even though I did talk to some people, just talking to him and not getting emotionally connected was impossible. Even though I know I shouldn't, I cared about him too much to just be friends with him. And I knew that if I tried to talk to him, I wouldn't be able to stop this feeling of wanting to be with him, let alone trying to be friends with him.

Me-"Oh ok kool. Well Eli, we're gonna have to meet to give each other our phones back. And my name is Clare."

Eli-"Ok, well I'm at lunch right now."

Me-"Really? Me too. I looked around but didn't see you."

Eli-"Oh, I'm outside eating on the picnic tables."

Me-"Ok. I'll be out there in a minute."

He didn't reply so I took that as an okay. I quickly explained to Ali where I was going and threw my food away. I walked out of the school doors where the picnic tables where at. As soon as I was outside my eyes scanned every table looking for him. After a few moments of looking I gave up and walked over to a nearby table. I waited a few more minutes before I decided to text him.

~Text Message~

Me-"Hey, I came outside and looked but I couldn't find you. Where are you?"

Eli-"Turn around."

I did what the text said and sure enough there he was. He stood there before me looking as handsome as ever.

Eli-"So we meet again."

He was so nice and cute. And it was so hard to be mean to him. He didn't deserve the way I was being to him. But because of the way pain had altered and changed me I couldn't let him close.

Me-"Yeah, and hopefully this will be the last."

Eli-"Well, I figured with the way you stare at me we might see each other more often."

Me-"Yeah, I don't see that happening."

Eli-"Oh really? I know you want to see me again because you like me."

Me-"LOL HA! You're really funny. Yeah like I would actually like some strange guy who knocked me down, gave me bruises on my ass, and took my phone."

Eli-"Ooo…bruises on your ass? Kinky. I like it."

See even though I was being mean to him he was still being nice to me. He wasn't making this easier.

Me-"Wow."

I could tell he was getting tired of my smart ass attitude by the way his facial expression changed.

Eli-"Well, hey the fall this morning wasn't my entire fault."

Me-"Really?"

Eli-"Yeah, really. If you weren't so busy listening to that dumb pop music you girls listen to, you would have been paying attention."

Ok now he was really pissing me off.

Me-"Excuse me? Number one it's not pop its rock and it's called Dead Hand. Number two you know nothing about me, so don't you dare compare me to all the rest of the air brain, bimbo sluts at this school."

Eli-"Yeah, you're right. I don't know anything about you because you keep pushing me away. Based on your attitude and how you've treated me, apparently you push everyone away."

Me-"How dare you! Here just give me my phone, take yours and we'll pretend that we never met."

I handed him his phone and snatched mine from his hand. I went to walk away but his hand on my wrist stopped me.

Eli-"You know, people might like you if you were nicer and didn't push them away."

I didn't understand him one bit. No matter how mean I was he acted like it didn't bother him. But he did give it right back to me. It made me mad to stand there and see some stranger trying to decode me and tell me my problems.

Me-"You don't know anything." I snapped.

Eli-"Well, I know that if you weren't such a cold hearted bitch, you might have some friends."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. I was just so mad and before I realized what I had done my hand came in contact with his face. He was just as shocked as I was because he just stood there with a hand on his cheek and a bewildered look and his face. The longer I stood there the more I became happy about what I had done, and the madder I got at him. He didn't know anything about me, so how dare he try to tell me what I should do to get friends. The only person that had ever called me a bitch was my dad. It hurt. Pain ripped through my heart as I heard his voice replay over and over again in my head. It took me a moment to find my voice. And with tears streaming down my face I let him have it.

Me-"HOW DARE YOU! Did it ever occur to you that I might not want friends! And I'm not a bitch, but because of my past I'm scared as hell to let anyone in! So don't you stand there with your stupid smirk thinking that you know me because of my attitude. You don't know a fucking thing. You're just like every dumbass bastard at this school."

With that I turned around and walked into Degrassi. I could tell that 4th period was about to start so I quickly ran into the bathroom to wipe the tears from my eyes and to freshen up my make-up. I finished and was able to make it to the door of 4th period advanced English when the bell rang. I stepped through the doors and noticed that none other than Eli was sitting at a desk looking down at his phone. He looked troubled and worried, and I couldn't help but feel concerned. Mrs. Dawes called attention to the class and I walked over to the only seat open. I plumped down right behind Eli. Great, this is just fantastic. The one guy in the whole school that I can't stand has to be in this class. And I have to sit behind him. I could tell that this was going to be a long period. Seeing as how this was a new semester, Mrs. Dawes was just going to go through, and talk about what we would be doing. This was boring, so I just sat there with nothing to do. I kept going through my mind trying to figure out why this had happened to me. The one guy in this whole school that I felt something for had to cross the line and call me a bitch. I knew that's not what he really thought about me, considering he tried to flirt with me a lot. And I guess all in all it was my fault, considering how mean I had been with him. I just wish that I was some normal girl who could have all the friends she wanted, let them get as close as she wanted, meet a boy and fall in love, without being scared of getting hurt. I just wanted to be able to open up to him and like him. But no matter how much I wanted that I knew couldn't have it. As I was sitting there zoning out I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out to see that it was the last person I wanted to talk to write now. My dad. Me and my dad were having a huge disagreement. You see a couple weekends ago when I went to his house, his step daughter and wife had gotten into a fight. Well, when I left the next morning, that afternoon I got a call from him. He told me that his step daughter had lost her IPod, and asked me if I had seen it. I hadn't seen it so I told him that. Well that little bitch told my own dad that she left it in her room, and that I was the last one in there. She told him that I stole it. She probably got mad while her and her mom were fighting, threw it down, broke it and then gotten rid of it, and blamed it on me to save her own ass. Well ever since then he keeps bringing it up and trying to be good dad, but because he doesn't love me and only cares about his new family, I can tell that he doesn't believe me. I couldn't believe what the text message said and as I read it the uncontrollable tears started streaming down my face.

Dad-"Hey. Just wanted to let you know not to worry about the whole IPod thing. We have a tracker thingy that will track it to find it. I believe you when you say you didn't take it but we are going to track it just to make sure."

Just to make sure? You've got to be kidding me. I knew he didn't believe me and it was a very hard think to deal with. My own father didn't believe his own daughter. He believed them over me. Even though I told him the truth, he was going to use software to make sure I was telling the truth. That's not right. He should believe me, but he doesn't. It hurt a lot and I swear I could actually feel the rest of my broken heart rip into pieces. I didn't even know that it was possible for my heart to break anymore, but I guess I was wrong. The tears where pouring out now and I couldn't stop them. I guess Mrs. Dawes could see me crying because she asked me if I was okay.

Me-"I ….just…need….some….air….please."

She nodded and I grabbed my bag and ran out of there and to the girl's bathroom. As soon as I went into the handicap stall I reached into my bag in a separate pocket and pulled out my razor. I pulled up my coat sleeve and quickly slid the blade over my wrist. I let the blood flow out for a few moments before getting up to get some tissue. There was water on the floor so instead of standing up like I had hoped for, my feet slipped out from behind me and I hit my head on the floor. I only had a moment more before everything went black. Leaving me lying passed out on the floor, and my un bandaged wrist pouring out blood.


	2. Chapter 2

Broken And Unloved

Chapter 2

Eli's POV:

Ok so I called her a bitch, sue me. I mean I didn't mean to she was just being so hateful and it kind of slipped out. But as soon as I said it I regretted it. She slapped me and let me have it. And ever since she said "because of my past, I'm scared as hell to let people in" I can't help but wonder what she meant by that. So here I was sitting in 4th period advanced English waiting for the bell to ring. I had my phone in my hand and I was staring at Clare's contact. I just sat there debating on whether or not I should text her to tell her I was sorry. I had decided to do it, to try to smooth things over, that is until she walked in the door. I immediately felt like a bigger asshole when I saw her red puffy eyes. I had made her cry and I hated myself for that. Apparently the only seat left open was the one behind me because she walked over to the seat and sat down. She didn't say one word to me, and that made me madder at myself. I don't know why but while Mrs. Dawes was talking about what we were going to be doing this semester, I started hearing sniffles. She couldn't possibly be crying. I had to fight to not turn around and comfort her in any way, but I figured that would just make things worse. Then she started crying, and Mrs. Dawes asked her if she was okay. Clare replied with an out of breath voice saying that she needed some air. And with that she ran out of the class. As soon as she was out the door Mrs. Dawes asked someone in the class to go and check on her. No one was volunteering to go. Seeing as how I was the only person in the class who even remotely knew her, I raised my hand.

Me-"Mrs. Dawes, I would like to go and check on Clare."

I could tell that she was leaning toward having a girl check on her and I could feel her rejection coming.

Me-"Please Mrs. Dawes. I'm the only one in here who knows her. I think she would appreciate you sending me then one of these girls who know nothing about her." and with that I won her over.

Mrs. Dawes-"Ok, you make a valid point."

I got up and was about to walk out the door when Mrs. Dawes called to me.

Mrs. Dawes-"Make sure she's ok. Oh and if she's in the girls bathroom, you have my permission to go in there."

Me-"Ok, I will and thanks."

With that I left and walked down the hall looking for Clare. I honestly had no idea where she would be. I walked the halls looking for her and I was about to give up when I came across the girls bathroom.

Me-"Clare? Are you in there?" No answer, so I asked again. Still no answer. I turned and was about to return to class, when something told me to go in the bathroom. I stood there for a few moments. What the hell. I mean I rather go in there and she not be in there then leave and her be in there. So I proceeded into the girl's bathroom. At first I didn't see or hear anything, but then I saw what looked like Clare's body lying in the handicap stall. I walked over and bent down to wake her and that's when I saw the blood on the floor. The first thought that went through my mind was that she was dead. I had no idea what had happened but I panicked. I laid down on my stomach and crawled under the stall door. I immediately pressed my fingers to her throat. As soon as I felt a pulse and realized that she was alive, I started to calm down. I then sat up and started looking for the source of blood. The blood was pouring out of a cut on her wrist. As soon as I saw the cut I suspected what happened, especially when I pulled her body into my arms and I saw the crimson razor on the floor. I reached up and grabbed some tissue. I applied it to the cut and a few moments later the blood began to stop coming out. I saw her eye lids move and I figured she was coming to.

Me-"Clare, Clare, its ok just open your eyes and look at me." After a few more tries she did what I said.

Clare-"What Happened?"

Me-"I'll explain later, just let me get you out of here. The school bell is about to ring and soon there will be girls in here. Can I take you to my car?"

Clare-"Yeah."

With that I stood up, moved her body to the other side of the stall and grabbed some tissue in order to clean the blood off the floor. It worked within minutes the place was clean. I bent down to where she was sitting with a tissue on her wrist. I grabbed some more and bent back to scoop her up in my arms. I unlatched the lock on to the stall then walked out of the girls bathroom. I walked quickly through the halls, in order to stay away out of any teachers or students sights. I whispered to her, but her responses were mumbled. I figured she was in and out of it, but I knew I had to get her out of there. I carried her out of the school and over to my car. I opened up the back of Morty and laid her in. I climbed in with her and shut the door. As soon as the door was shut I pulled her to me and rested her in my lap. I yanked the tissue out of my pocket and wiped her cut. Luckily it had stopped bleeding; now I just needed to get her back into conciseness.

Me-"Clare, can you hear me? You need to open your eyes okay?"

Her eyelids fluttered open and the only thing I could see was her big blue eyes.

Clare-"Eli? Whe..Where am I?"

Clare's POV:

I kept hearing this voice that sounded like an angels. I couldn't see anything but I felt my body being pulled into what felt like warm arms. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't. I felt someone press something to my cut and it stung. I tried to pull away but I was restrained. A few moments later I was finally able to open my eyes a little bit. I saw nothing but a pair of big green eyes. It wasn't just any pair it was his pair. The boy I had just met and already he hated me. I tried to speak but when I did my words sounded slurred. Even though I couldn't understand what I was saying apparently he did. He replied with warmth in his voice, and I couldn't help but to drift back to sleep by his soothing voice. I knew I was out of it but somehow I still felt awake. It was almost like I was in a dream like state, that didn't feel real. I knew I was being carried but in a way it was like I wasn't. I don't know what that was about. But soon enough I heard what sounded like a car door being opened. My back then came in contact with a comfortable floor, then a car door being closed followed. After a few moments of being moved around and pulled close to someone I began to hear his voice.

Eli-"Clare, can you hear me? You need to open your eyes."

It took me a second but then my eyes fluttered open.

Me-"Eli..whe…..where am I?"

He looked at me with his big green eyes and for the first time he looked like he was baffled. He looked like he didn't know what to say. He stalled for a few moments by looking around and scratching the back of his neck, then he finally answered me.

Eli-"Well, I kind of found you in the bathroom. I cleaned you up and brought you back to my car."

I slowly sat up confused by what he was saying. I was in his car? When did I get in his car? And then I remembered the car door open and close and the faint smell of a husky aroma. I quickly glanced around, but instead of seeing the back of a normal car I saw what was like a confined space. It felt like I was trapped in a hallway covered in carpet. It took me a few moments before I finally spoke.

Me-"Eli, this isn't a car it looks like a hallway?"

Eli-"Um, well see actually this is my car."

Me-"What do you mean? This doesn't look like any car I've ever seen."

Eli-"Well, its kind of a special car."

Me-"A special car? How is it special?"

Eli-" You see it used to have a special job."

I was almost too scared to ask.

Me-"What kind of job?"

Eli-" It used to be kind of like a mobile morgue, but now I call it Morty."

I was at first confused until the pieces clicked together in my head.

Me-"YOU MEAN IT'S A HEARSE?

He looked a little shocked at my sudden outburst. The look on his face went from being shocked to being hurt. I could see how much he cared about his car. I felt horrible when I realized how hurtful my words had sounded. I then realized why he was shocked, my style. Great, now he thought I was some hypercritical emotional girl who was supposed to be all goth and rebellious but was scared of a hearse. Not good. Not only did I just make myself look like a walking contradiction but I had also hurt his feelings. He looked down at the floor of the hearse before I spoke.

Me-"I'm sorry. It's just that I was taken by surprised and I overreacted."

He barely looked up at me before speaking.

Eli-"Well, it's not really your fault. I mean I kind of sprang it on you without telling you about him before I brought you in him."

Me-"No, really it's not your fault. I shouldn't of reacted like that. Don't get me wrong I like..what did you say his name was? Morty?"

He silently shook his head yes.

Me-"Yeah, well I like Morty I was just a little surprised that you would have a hearse."

Eli-"haha, what do I not look like the kind of guy that drives a hearse?"

Me-"No, you do look like a hearse driver." He gave me a teasing look and I realized how bad that sounded.

Me-"No, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that um that I …"

For a moment I was at a loss for words. I sat there dumbfounded for a few moments before he finished my sentence for me.

Eli-"What you mean to say is that you were just shocked because it is a very unusual car for anyone to drive."

Me-"Yes, that's what I meant." I said while the blush crept up my cheeks.

We sat there for a few moments in silence before I realized that he saw my whole cutting scene back there. Oh shit. This is just great. It wasn't something I wanted to talk about but I knew that we needed to. Maybe if I just pretended that it never happen he will forget. He was looking down at his lap. He look frustrated.

Eli-"I uh I just want you to know that I won't say anything to anyone about your accident." He looked up at me with sincere forest green eyes.

Me-"Oh, well thank you. That means a lot." I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I looked down feeling ashamed of myself. I bet he thought I was pathetic. I could tell that he was still looking at me and I couldn't take it anymore. I was about to thank him and leave but he took my hands in his which caused me to look at him.

Eli-"You know I understand. And whatever you're going through will get better but you need to stop. One day you could end up really hurting yourself."

I could hear the worry in his voice but I couldn't help but to feel a little offended by his words. I pulled my hands away from his and gave him this hurt look.

Me-"Excuse me? How do you understand? You don't know anything." I went to get out of his car but he stopped me.

Eli-"Yes, I do. More than you think. But whatever's wrong. That is no reason to cut."

Me-"You have no idea what's going on in my life. So don't try to tell me what's right and wrong. " I pulled the handle and pushed the door open.

Eli-"Clare wait." He grabbed my arm.

Me-"Wait? Wait for what? Wait for you to tell me how to live my life? No thanks." I jerked my arm away from him and hoped out of his hearse. I started to walk off in the direction of my house. As soon as I got home I went to my room and slammed the door. I kicked off my converse and lay down on my bed. Uhhhhhh gosh! I hated myself so much. He didn't really do anything wrong. I mean he was just trying to help. But he hit a nerve and I couldn't help but to get defensive. I need to apologize. I will tomorrow. I laid there for a few more moments before all the memories rushed back into my head. Keeping the memories from my head was my goal every day, and I normally reached it but today I couldn't. They found a way in, one memory particularly. I remember it like I was yesterday. Me and my mom had been out shopping. We had the perfect mommy daughter day. Everything was going great until dad came home. I was in my room playing and all of a sudden I began to hear shouting and stuff being thrown. I very carefully opened my bedroom door to see my father slap my mother across her face. I felt tears begin to fall down my face. I walked into the living room. "STOP IT! LEAVE HER ALONE!" They both glanced at me, and my mother spoke. "It's ok honey, just go play." I glanced at my father then back to my mom. She gave me a pleading look so I went back in my room and shut the door. I sat on my bed and heard my father yelling and cussing some more. I got scared so I quickly opened my door and ran down the hall to my play room. I got into the closet and sat there crying. I heard my mother scream no but I didn't know why. Then I heard my father in my room screaming for me. I didn't move. I couldn't. He then came into my play room. It sounded like he was moving stuff. I let out a little whimper and knew exactly what he would do if he found me. Everything got really quiet and then he threw open the closet door. "There you are. Hiding again? We talked about hiding." He then grabbed me by my hair and dragged me out of the closet, down the hall and into the living room. He pulled upward to get me to stand up. I did and then he pushed me forward causing my stomach to bump into the wood part of the couch. I crouched down from the pain, but that didn't stop him. I heard the jingle of his belt buckle and knew what was coming. He ripped off his belt and folded it in half. I looked up to see his arm raised above his head, belt in his hand and then he brought it down. The belt came in contact with my back and it stung with pain. I screamed out in pure agony, begging him to stop. Bargaining, telling him that I would do anything if he would just stop. But he never did. The memory ended and I was left laying on my bed crying myself to sleep.

I awoke to my mother's voice.

Mom-" Clare, Clare. It's time to get up."

My eyes fluttered open to see my mom standing over me shaking me lightly.

Me-"UHHHHHHHH!"

Mom-"Come on get up! I'm not going to tell you again."

She suddenly left the room. Calling back to me.

Mom-"Oh and by the way I'll be home late again tonight, there's money on the table for takeout, bye!"

Me-"Like always. Love you to mom." I whispered. I pulled myself out of my bed and into the shower. I let out a sigh of relief when the warm water hit my face and back. When I was done I jumped out and went in my room to get dressed. I just threw on a pair of my black skinny jeans with a rock band tee shirt that had the sleeves cut off and slits up the sides. I threw a black cardigan over it and slipped on my black converse. I ran into the bathroom to do my normal hair and make -up routine, but I added a little red lipstick to my lips instead of the normal pink gloss. When I looked at my cell phone to see the time, I practically ran down the stairs, and grabbed a cereal bar from the pantry and was out the door. I ate on my way to school. As soon as I walked up to the parking lot I saw his hearse. I knew I should apologize, hell I even walked over to his car. But then I remembered what he said and it made me angrier. He was getting his bag out of the back. He shut the door and then turned and saw me. He stopped in his tracks, and just stood there not saying anything. Just seeing him reminded me how easy it was for him to realize that something wasn't right. It made me feel weak and vulnerable. I couldn't help it. The tears started streaming down my face. I looked down for a moment. I could hear him take a step toward me.

Eli-"Clare-"

I could hear the worry and pain in his voice. I looked up at him to find myself connected with his worry filled eyes. I let out a muffled whimper before I turned and ran toward the school. I ran into the bathroom and stayed there. I totally skipped first period, and didn't care. When I was able to leave the bathroom without crying I continued on with my day. Everything was just a daze. The next two weeks went on like that. We didn't speak; we hardly looked at one another. We just went on with our lives like nothing had happened. And I don't know how to feel about it. I should have been happy that he had finally left me alone, but I wasn't. It tore me up inside to see that he didn't need me in his life like I needed him. He acted like nothing was wrong. And it hurt a lot. Especially at lunch or in between classes when I would see him hanging out with his friends and laughing. I wished that I could laugh with him, be his friend. Hell I'd even take being bullied by him. I know it sounds weird but at least we would have some interaction. But every time I caught myself wanting to be near him I would remind myself that this is what I wanted. I wanted to be left alone. I was getting to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I was so close to going up to him and telling him I was sorry, but all that changed that Monday morning.

Eli's POV:

I felt really bad. I did trust me. I had offended her again. I know I approached the situation wrong but I just couldn't handle the thought of something happening to her. It was unbearable. I should of handled it differently. I remember the morning after. I had just got to school and was in the back of Morty getting my book bag out. I closed the door and turned around to see and puffy eyed Clare standing there staring at me. I felt like such an asshole. She obviously had been crying. I had no idea what she was going to do or say. I was about to apologize when I saw tears run down her face. I felt bad really bad. I took a step toward her, going to comfort her. But I tested the water by saying her name. She just looked up at me, let out a whimper and ran into the school. Great. I was about to go after her when I realized that maybe this was her way of showing how much damage I had done. I then remembered how much she had asked me to just leave her alone. So I decided that if that is what she wanted that's what I would give her. All I wanted was for her to be happy. So over the next 2 weeks I left her alone and went on with my life like nothing had happened. I barley looked at her, trying not to make things awkward for her. It was so hard to do it but I did. I couldn't hurt her any more than I already had. That would hurt worse than not having her in my life at all. Everything was going as suspected until that Monday morning when I came to school and there was a god awful rumor going around. I didn't know how she was going to take this. But when I saw her punch the shit out of Jenna this morning, I figured she was taking it pretty well. I knew I was giving her what she wanted by staying away from her, but when I saw her punch Jenna something just snapped inside of me. I loved the way she didn't care what people said about her. How she wasn't afraid to stand up for herself. When I saw Jenna and her possy whispering and laughing at Clare I thought Clare would just ignore her; considering that she was the type of girl to stray away from attention. But hell no. Clare walked over to them and asked them "What the fuck their problem was". The punch was the last thing I expected when Jenna made some smart ass comment about Clare being a cutter. I then realized that I liked her ALOT and I couldn't stay away from her any longer.


	3. Chapter 3

Broken And Unloved

Chapter 3

Clare's POV:

I woke up that morning excited seeing as how I was going to apologize to Eli. I woke up before my mom or alarm clock could do the trick. I jumped out of bed and dashed into the shower. I was quickly done, and then ran into my closet to decide what to wear. I was rushing because I knew this part would take the longest considering that I wanted to look good today. I finally decided on wearing a cute black mini skirt with a red and black corset tank top. Because there was a dress code at school I threw a black cardigan over my shirt. I ran back into the bathrron to dry my hair making sure my curls were laying in the right spots. I then did my normal make-up routine along with my new red lips stick. I ran back into my room. I slipped on my black converse, grabbed my bag and practically ran down the stairs. I was too eager and excited to eat so I left. I knew if I walked fast I would be early so I tried my best to slow down by listening to some music. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding; I really needed to calm down. I knew that only one thing could do that, Dead Hand. I started listening to it and within a few minutes I was already calming down. It worked every time. I was almost to school and knew I was still going to be a little early so I stopped by the Dot for some coffee. I walked in to a not so busy area and was greeted by a cheerful girl. She had brown hair that was pulled up into piggy buns? I guess you would say. She had chocolate brown eyes, and somewhat plump but mostly thin violet lips. Her name tag read Imogen.

Imogen-"Hi, welcome to The Dot, what can I get you?" she asked a little too happy for my taste.

Me-"I'd like a white chocolate mocha latté please." It was my favorite coffee.

Imogen- Ok, one moment please." She walked over to a side counter and began fixing my drink. After a few minutes she came back with my drink in her hand, and rang me up.

Imogen-"Ok, your total is going to be $4.56." I quickly pulled out my credit card from my wallet and swiped it. She pressed some buttons on the cashier and then handed me my receipt. I shoved it in my wallet before grabbing my coffee and leaving. Ok now that was a little weird. She seemed nice, but a little too nice. Something was off, but I didn't know what. I pushed the thought from my mind and continued on to Degrassi. Once I got there I didn't see Eli's hearse yet so I decided to head in to go to my locker. I glanced at my phone seeing that I was still a little early. I figured that was the reason for his absence. I was at my locker when I first suspected anything. I had gotten the books I needed for my classes and was sitting at my locker reading Romeo and Juliet. This was my favorite book of all time. I don't know what it was. I was just so intrigued by the love of two 13 year olds that led them to their death. I was right in the middle of when Romeo sees Juliet for the first time, when I heard the whispers. I looked up to see a bunch of girls a little ways down the hall huddled together; and I could have guessed who it was. Jenna, she was right smack in the middle of them all. They were staring at me and whispering. Now normally the old Clare would have just sat there and pretended not to hear or see them; but that Clare was gone. I stuck my book mark in my book before standing up and walking over to them. When I reached them they turned to their lockers to act as if they hadn't done anything.

Clare-"What the fuck is you're problem?"

They all looked at me like I was crazy. Jenna looked around to all her friends before turning back to me and opened her big fat mouth.

Jenna-"You! You're my problem, you emo, wrist cutting freak!"

OMG! How the fuck did she know? No one knew, I hadn't told anyone. Then I remembered the one person other than me that did know. Eli. I was instantly angry. Maybe Eli told her. But I mean it's also possible that she just called me that based on my actions the previous year. You see last year, I really hit rock bottom. I mean with my dad hating me, my mom's new taste for younger single men, and K.C cheating on me. It was a lot to deal with. Well rumor got out that I had slept with K.C so the whole school was calling me names, pushing me; the whole 10 yards. One day during science class they just pushed me too far. I secretly stole a scalpel and headed for the bathroom. I don't know what came over me, but it just seemed like my life wasn't worth living anymore. I sat down in one of the stalls and cut both my wrists. But this time instead of cutting them and bandaging them like I normally did; I just sat there and let the blood run out. Luckily it was last period, and luckily my best friend Ali happened to come in that bathroom. She found me almost dead on the bathroom floor. I don't remember much. I only remember getting light headed before being taken by the darkness. I woke up in the hospital 3 days later. My mom was there with my dad; who was practically dragged there. I had to stay 2 more weeks before they let me go home; they said I was under "suicide watch" or something like that. I guess they were all scared that I was going to try to kill myself again. After I was released my mom went into a total fit, throwing me into therapy 3 times a week. Over time I gained everyone's trust back, even my mom's who finally cut down the therapy to once a week. It took a lot of time and therapy to not think about my incident every day. This was supposed to be a good day and here Jenna was trying to ruin it. Before I realized what I was doing my fist rose back and flew to her face; breaking her nose with the contact. It was all like slow motion. She screamed out in pure agony, while her little skanky friends just watched with shocked looks on their faces. Her hands went to her nose, while she covered the floor with blood. Her friends grabbed her by her arms and pulled her in the direction of the nurse's office. I walked over back to my locker, bent down and gathered my stuff. I couldn't handle being here, but I knew that if I skipped I would get in even more trouble. I noticed someone walking toward me and I figured that it was someone of authority. I turned around to face the consequences but instead I was greeted by a pair of big green eyes. uhhh he was the last person I wanted to talk to right now. I stood there for a moment before he decided to speak.

Eli-"Hey, Clare."

Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone! He doesn't talk to me, or show any interest in my for over 2 weeks, then he thinks he can just come up to me and say hey Clare? Oh hell no.

Me-"Hey Clare? Hey Clare? All your going to say is "hey Clare"?" I looked at him with disbelief.

Eli-"Well, what do you want me to say? Hey Clare, I just thought I'd stop by to say hi and to see if you were ready to have me back into your life, oh and by the way that was a killer punch. Something like that?"

I couldn't believe him. This was the last time for him to be all smug and sarcastic. I looked at him in with disbelief again. I turned around and began walking away. That is until I felt his arm snake around my waist and pull me back. At first I was shocked by this sudden contact, but then I couldn't help but to feel comforted by this gesture. For a moment I wanted so bad to just turn around and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with all the passion that I had, but then I remembered what he did. I wiggled and tried my hardest to get out of his arms; but with every wiggle he just held on tighter. He basically dragged me into a dark room and shut the door. He let go of me but positioned himself so that his back was against the door; not letting me get to it. For the next few minutes I tried my best to get to the door, but every time he stopped me. While we continued to fight for the door he started talking.

Eli-"Clare STOP!"

Me-"NO!"

Eli-"Come on Clare just listen. I didn't tell anyone about your incident I swear." I could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth, but there was still that little doubtful voice inside my head.

Me-"And how am I supposed to believe you?"

Eli-"Have I ever lied to you before?"

I briefly stopped the struggle and pondered it for a moment. True I mean he never has lied to me before, but there's a first time for everything you know.

Me-"Well, no you haven't but still, there's a first time for everything."

Eli-"Well what makes you think I'm going to start now?"

I noticed that we were a little close so I stepped back giving us some room.

Me-"Well, everyone else does, so why not you?"

Eli-"Because I'm not like everyone else." I wanted to believe him. I really did, but I couldn't trust him yet.

Me-"Yeah that's what they all say. Now could you just please move?" I went back to trying to get to the door, but failed epically.

Eli-"No I won't move."

Me-"UHHH god you're so annoying. I…. I hate you!"

Eli-"Well I hate you too!"

Me-"You can't say that after I did."

Eli-"Yes I can. I can say whatever I want to and you can't do anything about it." he said matter of factly. Oh no he didn't.

Me-"Oh really?"

Eli-"Yes really. What are you going to do about it?"

By this time he had grabbed my wrists and pulled me closer to him. Our chests were barely touching but I could feel the heat coming from his body. I looked down trying to think of what to say, when I felt his eyes burning into my face. I looked up at him and I was memorized. We glared into each other's eyes not looking away for anything. Hell the world could be ending and we wouldn't know. He started pulling me closer and didn't stop until our faces were a few inches away from each other's. His head turned slightly getting ready to kiss me. I turned my head too. I don't really know why. Don't ask me, but I couldn't stop. I could smell his cologne. It smelled good; husky and sexy at the same time. He was so intoxicating, and I was loving every minute of it. Our lips were so close to touching but before they could the first period bell rang. I pulled back suddenly and looked down.

Me-"I'm um I'm sorry about that." I peaked up at him scared to see his reaction. He looked flustered and his eyes were full of lust.

Eli-"Sorry about what?"

Me-"About almost kissing you. I mean no one would want to kiss me so I'm sorry." He looked at me with anger and confusion.

Eli-"Why do you do that?" I was confused. I didn't understand what he meant.

Me-"Why do I do what?"

Eli-"Put yourself down. You always hate on yourself, and I don't like it. I mean who's to say that I didn't want to kiss you? Maybe I did."

Me-"I highly doubt that. And you have no idea what you're talking about."

Eli-"Yes I do. You need to stop."

Me-"Excuse me? Like I have said so many times before you don't know anything that's going on with me so mind your own business." I pushed him away from the door. I don't know if it was just because I was really getting mad or if he was taken by surprise. But either one I got him out from in front of the door. I unlocked it, opened it and headed off in the direction of first period. What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Eli's POV:

We almost kissed. We were so close and then that damn bell had to ring. Uhhhh. I was falling for this girl fast. She was just so damn beautiful and perfect in every way, even if she couldn't see it. I wish she would just look at herself like how I see her. It was so frustrating to like someone when they put their selves down constantly. I spent all day thinking about her. She never left my mind. This was kind of annoying considering I had answered 2 of my teacher's questions with Clare's name. No one really paid attention, and the teachers just looked at me like I was crazy. I couldn't wait to see her again. I was beginning to get a little eager; so when the bell rang signaling that it was time for lunch, I basically ran down the hall receiving comments like "dude slow down, the food will still be there when you get there" or "dude wtf save some for the rest of us." things like that. I paid no attention to them as I rushed through the lunch line and went outside to sit down, waiting for Adam. I looked around the area noticing that Clare was sitting under a big oak tree eating her lunch and reading Romeo and Juliet. God she looked so gorgeous. The way she sat there, the way her head tilted to the side, the way her curls were curled perfectly and the way her hair hung right above her shoulders. She was so…. What's the word….sexy? Yes that's the word sexy. I guess Adam could tell I was staring because he cleared his throat.

Me-"Huh?

Adam-"Eli? Are you okay?"

Me-"No I'm not."

Adam-"What's wrong man? You seem kind of distant?"

Me-"Promise you won't say anything to anyone."

Adam-"Yeah, you have my word."

So I told him everything. From the minute I met her to our little almost kiss in the janitor's closet. I told him everything except for Clare's incident. I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone and I was going to keep my promise. The whole time I was talking I kept glancing back at Clare and a couple times her eyes would meet mine. She would blush and then look back down at her book.

Adam-"Damn man, looks like you're in deep."

Me-"Yeah, you think? And the worst part is that I think I love her." I admitted. Adam almost spit his drink out, but he held it in. This all in all caused him to almost squirt it out his nose.

Adam-"Whoa, hold the phone. You think you love her?"

Me-"Yeah. Do you think that's crazy?"

Adam-"Well, I do a little bit seeing as how you barely know her."

Me-"I know but when I'm with her it's like I've known her forever."

Adam-"haha sounds like love to me."

Me-"Yeah thanks for your help." The bell rang telling us that it was time for 4th period. As we emptied our trays Adam continued.

Adam-"Well, man if you really love her then don't let her get away. Like I did."

Me-"Dang, Kaite still won't talk to you?"

Adam-"No not since I blew her off for my "Family dinner as Gracie".

Me-"Well maybe you should just tell her."

Adam-"Yeah, I'll think about it."

We said our goodbyes before parting to go to our 4th period. I was kind of excited because I would finally get to see Clare up close, but I was also worried of how she would act. I walked in to see that she was already in her seat. I walked in and sat down looking at her with an apologetic look in my eyes. She didn't say or do anything. So I just sat there and listened to our assignment.

Clare's POV:

I sat there in 4th period for the first few minutes of class just zoning everything out that is until I saw Eli's hand flashing in front of my face. I quickly snapped back into it and realized what was going on.

Eli-"Are you even paying attention?"

Me-"Yes! What do you want?"

Eli-"Well, seeing as how Mrs. Dawes just paired us as English partners I would like your help on this assignment."

Oh hell to the no.

Me-"What! You've got to be kidding me!"

Eli-"Yeah well as much as I hate it too, I'm not."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. He had no reason to be mad at me. Well I guess he could be mad for me trying to kiss him.

Me-"Oh really? And what's your reason for hating our partnership? Last time I check you were the one who called me a bitch, and tried to tell me my problems. So if anyone should be mad that we're partners it's me."

Eli-"Okay, look here. You're not the only one who got their feelings hurt. You called me a dumbass bastard and slapped me. The only reason why I called you a bitch was because you were acting like a bitch. And no I don't like being paired with you. If you haven't noticed you're not the nicest or easiest person to get along with. But seeing as how this involves our graded, let's work together to do a good job. We're partners. We might as well suck it up and deal with it because there's nothing we can do about it.

I had no idea where this was coming from. One minute he is giving me and apologetic look and the next he is telling me off. WTF?

Me-"Yeah, well we'll just see about that." I slid out of my seat and walked to Mrs. Dawes desk.

Me-"Umm, excuse me. Mrs. Dawes?"

Mrs. Dawes-"Ahh Clare. Yes what can I do for you?"

Me-"Okay, well there is sort of a problem with mine and Eli's partnership. You see, we kind of met abruptly and we aren't really getting along…..at all."

Mrs. Dawes-"Oh, I see where you're going with this."

Me-"Yeah, I was just wondering, that because the partnerships are so new, that maybe you could just switch us."

Mrs. Dawes-"Well you see, here's the thing. I paired Eli and you together because you're amazing writers. Lately your writing has become dull and lifeless, while Eli's has become a little wordy. You both are really unique and different. I believe that you could really help each other."

Me-"How can we help each other if we can't say one word without insulting the other?"

Mrs. Dawes-"Work it out. I'm sorry, but the pairs are final."

Me-"Fine, but I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you." She gave me a pleased look and I could tell that the conversation was over. I walked back over to Eli and sat down. again like when we first met he was eaten up inside with satisfaction, which caused the stupid smirk to appear on his lips.

Eli-"So, let me guess. She said no."

Me-"What do you think?"

Eli-"Oh, so what you're saying is that I was right?"

Me-"JUST SHUT UP!"

Eli-"God I was just kidding." I felt kind of bad for my sudden outburst, when obviously he was just kidding and trying to lighten my mood.

Me-"Okay look. We have to be partners all semester so we're going to have to stop being so hateful and be nice. Not including that we have to get to know one another."

He looked at me confused.

Eli-"Why?"

I decided to be a little playful.

Me-"Oh, I see. So you don't want to get to know me." I said jokingly.

His ever so famous smirk reappeared on his face, and I was actually beginning to like it.

Eli-"No, I was just wondering."

Me-"Well, Mrs. Dawes thinks that my writing has become dull and lifeless, and yours a little wordy. And because we are "unique and different" she has this whole theory about how she thinks we will help each other."

Eli-"Is that so?" he asked smugly.

Me-"Yup. So do you think we can agree to be nice to one another?"

I was expecting one of his little smart ass comments but he just smiled and said,

Eli-"I think that's possible."

Me-"Me too. So let's get to work."

We both reached for the paper that contained our assignment information at the same time causing our hands to touch. It felt like an electric shock coursed through my body. As soon as it happened I pulled my hand back and so did he. I could feel the blush on my face and I looked down to avoid his gaze. We were both silence for a few moments before I got to the point to where I couldn't take it anymore.

Me-"I'm sorry."

I couldn't help but to blush again. This time he saw me and when he did he smirked…..again. of course he would smirk at something like this.

Eli-"No, it's ok. Go ahead."

I didn't have to reply, so I quickly picked up the paper and began reading our assignment out loud.

Me-"You are going to spend the next two weeks getting to know your partner. Pick one thing that your partner really enjoys doing, for example a hobby. You are to find out and understand why they enjoy doing this and what inspires them to do it. You are then required to write a paper explaining their inspiration. You will be presenting this paper to you classmates in 2 weeks."

I liked this assignment and from the look on Eli's face so did he.

Eli-"Sounds interesting. Wait there's more on the back."

I flipped the paper over and continued where I left off.

Me-"Also, just because your paper is due in 2 weeks that doesn't mean that your assignment is over. Even after the 2 weeks you still need to be making observations on your partner's hobby and inspiration. At the end of the semester you will be required to write a follow up paper on their inspiration and how their inspiration has changed over the semester. You will share it with your classmates. After your partner hears it they will write a paper on why they think their inspiration changed. Have fun and really get into it. But remember you will be graded accurately."

He sat there for a few minutes, as if he was thinking before he finally spoke.

Eli-"Sounds good. I like it."

Me-"Me too."

Eli-"So, we should probably get started on it as soon as possible."

Me-"Yeah, we've got a lot to learn in the next 2 weeks."

I couldn't help but to be a little eager to start learning about him. He was really intriguing.

Eli-"Yeah, so do you want to work on it after school?"

Me-"Sure, I'd love to."

The bell then rang, informing everyone that class was over. I headed out the door and he followed me to my locker.

Eli-"Okay, where do you want to work? I would invite you over to my house, but my parents won't be home."

He caught me a little of guard with that one. Based on the way he dressed, and the type of car he drove, it didn't seem to me like his parents would care if he was home alone with someone. But who knows his parents could be really strict so I decided to tease him.

Me-"Let me guess, you're not allowed to have girls over without parent supervision?" He laughed before replying.

Eli-"Well, not exactly. My parents don't care who I bring over, with or without them there."

I was hoping to understand what he meant, but I just ended up dumbfounded. Even though we had only been friends for not even 10 minutes, the feeling of rejection washed through me. It hurt….. a lot.

Me-"Oh….Okay."

I tried to keep my composure and not let him see that I was upset, but I guess he saw right through it. His jaded eyes changed from kind and generous to worried and apologetic.

Eli-"Oh, no it's not like that. You don't get what I meant by it."

I reached my locker, opened it and chunked my book into it. I quickly pulled out the books I needed for math and chemistry.

Me-"No, I do understand. We just met, and you barely know me. I get it; you don't want some girl that you don't even know in your house. It's cool, no big deal."

I went to walked off toward my chemistry class, but was stopped by his hand on my wrist. He spun me around and when our eyes met I was content. I know it's stupid, and I know I've only known him for only a couple weeks, but in the instant that our eyes met I felt like I had known him forever. It was like we were long lost friends and this was our reunion. He stared at me for a few moments before speaking. His stare was so intense that I was forced to look away.

Eli-"Clare look. That's not what I meant. I would love to have you come over. It's just I didn't know how comfortable you would be in some boys house that you've only talked to for a day without his parents there. I care about you a lot, and I don't want to offend you or scare you away."

I was in complete awe. Never had a guy cared about me or my feelings so much. Never had a guy even cared about how I felt towards things. I couldn't believe him. He was just so perfect. He was almost too good to be true.

Me-"Are you just saying that so you won't hurt my feelings because you don't want me to come over?"

He looked kind of mad.

Eli-"No, I'm not. Like I said, I care about you and I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

I couldn't help but to believe him, but there was this little voice in the back of my head telling me to be cautious. It's not like I thought he was a player. It's just didn't make sense for a guy like him to want to be my friend.

Me-"Ok, I believe you." His smirk reappeared on his face.

Eli-"Good."

Me-"Yeah well I better go, 5th is going to start soon."

I went to leave but he stopped my once again, only this time with his words.

Eli-"Wait! Are we still going to work on the essay after school?"

I couldn't help but to notice how eager his voice sounded.

Me-"Yeah, sure."

Eli-"Ok, where?"

Me-"Meet me at my locker after school, and we'll head over to my house." I said backing up. I gave him a quick smile before I turned and walked off to 5th.

Eli's POV:

Well here I stand again baffled by a girl that I've only know for a week. She was so confusing. Really confusing and mysterious, but that made me like her even more. She was just so perfect but her lack of self confidence, and her many insecurities were very frustrating. She was this beautiful, smart, talented girl but when she looked at herself she saw the complete opposite. Why can't she see what I see? She is a gorgeous person inside and out. I just wish she would realize it. It's so hard to deal with loving. Whoa, wait loving? Come on Eli what are you thinking? You like her a lot but not love. Anyways it's so hard liking a girl this much, when she thinks so low of herself. I mean she never really said that she felt that way about herself, but you could just tell in the way she carried herself. It was just so frustrating. I couldn't help but to wonder why she was like that. I knew she didn't trust me enough to tell me such personal things yet, but I knew I could. I trusted her to know me. I wanted her to know everything. My likes and dislikes. She deserved to know everything. And I was going to tell her tonight. Telling her everything would also let her know that she could trust me. That was the most important thing right now; earning her trust. I spent all of 5th period thinking about her and her trust. I knew that I couldn't move too fast. She was special to me. With the delicate state she was in I knew I would have to take this extra slow so I didn't scare her off. And scaring her off was something I had no intention of doing. Things were going really well in my mind, until I got to 6th period. That's when things took a turn for the worse. Our class was watching a movie about World War one and my mind started to wonder. I started thinking, and when I say thinking I mean fantasizing about her. I mean it's not like I could help it. One thing led to another and my mind was imagining a hot make-out session on Clare's bed. I guess you could say it was more than a make-out session considering that we were removing our clothes and not stopping. I was lying on top of her, and both of our shirts were tossed on the floor forgotten. We were kissing frantically. I moved my lips down her neck and down to her shoulder. I tugged at her bra strap with my teeth before pulling back to stare into her big blue lust filled eyes.

Me-"Can I take this off?"

I grazed her bra strap with my fingers reassuring her that I was talking about her bra. She nodded and I slipped my arm around her back to unclasp it. I slid the straps off her arms and threw it to the floor. As soon as the purple lacey garment left her body she covered her chest with her arms. I stared into her big blue eyes.

Me-"Don't cover up. You're the most beautiful person I have ever seen."

She slowly moved her arms to her sides. I kept staring into her eyes to make her more comfortable. I felt her body relax a little and figured she had realized how respectful I was trying to be.

Clare-"Eli, look at me." Our eyes were already locked so I knew that she was talking about her breasts. I slowly moved my eyes down to her chin, then her neck. Right when I was about to look at her breasts a bell rang breaking me from my bay dream. Damn it and this fucking bell. It just had to ruin everything didn't it? I was about to exit the classroom and head to Clare's locker when I noticed that I had a little problem. And in problem I mean a boner. Fuck! This was just had to happen didn't it? Apparently my teacher noticed that I wasn't leaving so she walked over to me.

Mrs. Fisher-"Eli? Are you okay?"

Me-"Um, yeah I'll leave in just a moment. It's just that my foot fell asleep during the movie and I'm trying to get it to wake up." I said and started shaking my foot.

Mrs. Fisher-"Oh okay, well I'm going to step out, but I'll be back in case your foot doesn't wake up and you need some help."

Me-"Ok thank you." I smiled warmly at her and she returned it before grabbing some papers from her desk and leaving. I stood up and readjusted my pants to make my problem less obvious. There was no way I could go met Clare with this thing. So I quickly dashed out the door and into the closest bathroom I could find. Great, I hate doing this, but I didn't really have a choice.

Clare's POV:

I know what you must be thinking "OH MY GOD! Saint Clare just invited a boy over when her mom won't be home." Well I really like him and I'm not "Saint Clare" anymore. And besides he thought that I didn't believe him and this will let him know that I trust him. I spent the rest of the day thinking about him and counting the minutes until I could see him again. The more I thought about him the more I realized that I liked him. I had known him for like 2 weeks and only really talked to him for a day. But I was already beginning to fall for him. I liked him A LOT more than I should….and that scared me. I tell you what; this "Saint Clare" isn't having such saint-like thoughts. After inviting Eli to my house, for the rest of the day thoughts of him and his sexy body in my house kept running through my mind. Oh that's not all either. The thoughts kept going from him in my house, to him sitting on my couch, to him in my room, then to him in my bed. No matter how many thoughts I had and no matter what he was doing in them he always ended up in my bed. This was not going good. I couldn't stop thinking about him in my bed. Hell, I even answered one of my teacher's questions with "He's in my bed." Not good. I didn't know if I was going to be able to handle this. I mean for all I know I would rip his clothes off and have him then and there. It's not my fault. I've never been put into this situation. Let alone around a guy as hot as Eli. The only guy I've ever been around was K.C. and we never made out or anything like that. Hell he's never even been in my house. I had no idea how I was going to react to this. All I hoped was that I'd be able to handle this without jumping his bones in the first second that we were alone in my house. And right now that plan wasn't working so well. Maybe if I only thought about our assignment then this would work. Wait what was I thinking? Our whole freaking assignment was based on each other. So even if I was thinking about the assignment I would still be thinking about Eli. GOSH FREAKING DARN IT! This wasn't going to be easy. The last bell rang signaling that school was over. I couldn't wait to see Eli so I quickly ran to my locker. I threw the books I didn't need and slammed my locker shut. I stood there for a few moments waiting. I glanced around and noticed that the hall was starting to empty out. I figured he got caught up with something. I didn't want to stand there looking too eager to meet him so I sat down against my locker and pulled out my copy of Romeo and Juliet. After reading a chapter and a half I glanced at my phone realizing that I had been waiting for 15 minutes. God where is he? Is he blowing me off? I didn't understand what was taking him so long? I decided I would wait a few more minutes before leaving. I began reading again but soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

Eli's POV:

I tried my hardest to go as fast as I could in my bathroom, but something's, particularly this, couldn't be rushed. I should have texted her telling her I was caught up but I didn't think of it until I was done and walking in the direction of her locker. I turned the corner to find her sitting on the ground at her locker. It looked as if she was reading but the closer I got the more I realized that she had fallen asleep. God, now I really felt like an ass. I bent down next to her and saw the most beautiful sight ever. She looked so peaceful and I hated to wake her. I shook her slightly and her eyes fluttered open.

Clare-"Oh, I'm sorry I must have dozed off while reading."

Me-"It's ok. It's not your fault I was the one who was running late."

Clare-"About that, where were you?" I looked down and I felt my cheeks turn hot.

Me-"Umm, I um got caught up in history class."

She looked at me as if she didn't believe me but she smiled.

Clare-"Oh, okay. So should we get going?"

Me-"Yeah sure." She got up, got her stuff and we were off.


	4. Chapter 4

Broken And Unloved

Chapter 4

Clare's POV:

I was sleeping against my locker when I was shook awake by a very embarrassed looking Eli. I felt bad for falling asleep but because I kept thinking about my "memories" every night, I didn't get much sleep.

Me-"Oh, I'm sorry I must have dozed off while reading."

Eli-"It's ok. It's not your fault I was the one who was running late."

My guilt for falling asleep immediately vanished when he brought up the reason why I was waiting.

Me-"About that, where were you?" I was really curious as to where he had been, but when his face turned red and he looked down I realized that for some reason he was uncomfortable.

Eli-"Umm, I um got caught up in history class."

I decided that I would just let it drop….for now.

Me-"Oh, okay. So should we get going?"

Eli-"Yeah sure." I bent down and got my stuff and we walked out of the school.

When we got to the parking lot I didn't see Morty and thought that we would be walking, so I took off in the direction of my house. I was stopped when Eli's arm snaked around my waist and his husky voice whispered in my ear.

Eli-"Where are you going?"

His hot breath on my ear caused me to stutter.

Me-"I..I thought we were walking." I turned around and faced him.

Eli-"Now why would I make you walk when I have a perfectly good car to drive?"

Me-"Oh well I just didn't see him so I figured we were walking."

Eli-"I parked him around back at lunch."

Me- "Um, why?"

He looked kind of embarrassed again and hesitated before answering.

Me-"It's none of my business; you don't have to tell me."

Eli-"No um well you see, this morning I wanted to apologize to you….and I didn't know how well it was going to go. And I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. So I parked Morty around back in case I wanted to skip. I would have an easy exit."

I couldn't believe how sweet he was. First of all he wanted to apologize. And second of all he would have skipped school just to make me more comfortable. Omg. He was just too good to be true.

Me-"That's really sweet."

He blushed and looked down causing his dark bangs to cover his eyes.

Eli-"Yeah, well you know that's me sweet Eli."

He kept looking down and I took that as a chance to show him my appreciation. I carefully and quickly retch up and pushed his bangs out of his eyes. He looked up and our eyes locked. Even though the look in his eyes were gently and loving I felt like I crossed the line, so I yanked my hand back and looked down.

Me-"Sorry."

Eli-"There's no reason to be sorry."

Me-"Yeah there is. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

I guess he could tell I was becoming insecure again, and he tried to lighten the mood.

Eli-"Its fine really. My friends are all the time pushing my hair out of my eyes. They say it bugs them."

I looked up at him hopefully.

Me-"Really?" I asked doubtfully.

Eli-"No." He began laughing and I guess it was because of the look on my face. I slightly slapped his arm.

Me-"That's not funny." I began laughing too.

Eli-"Yeah it was, you should have seen your face."

Me-"Well, I'm sorry your bangs fell in your face. They were covering your beautiful eyes and I didn't like it." I said it before I realized it. He gave me this surprised look, and I felt the blush coming.

Me-"No, I mean that's not what I mean. It's just that I can't stand it when anyone's bangs are in their eyes."

I looked down again. God I was treading shallow water.

Eli-"Yeah, sure it is." He smirked, and I quickly changed the subject.

Me-"Ok so we should go."

I said and turned the corner to the back of the school. I noticed that Morty was parked on the other side of the lot so I headed that way. I was walking a little ahead of Eli and I wanted it to stay that way. The atmosphere was too thick and I didn't want him to bring up me saying his eyes were beautiful. I beat him to Morty and stood there until he walked over to my door, unlocked it and opened it for me.

Me-"Thanks." I said sliding into the car.

Eli-"Don't mention it." He smirked again before walking over to his side and getting in. There was an odd silence when he started Morty and I didn't know what to say so he broke it.

Eli-"So, where to?"

Me-"Well, we could go to my house but if you don't want to that's fine."

I felt a little disappointed. I really did want him in my house alone with me, but I guess it was for the best.

Eli-"Sounds good to me." He drove to the exit of the parking lot and turned to me.

Eli-"So which way?" I was distracted because I was glancing over at him, watching his jaw clench and unclench. He was so sexy.

Eli-"Clare….hello?"

He waved his hand in front of my face and I snapped out of it.

Me-"Oh. Um yeah go right." I looked down and blushed.

The whole ride was silent other than me giving him directions to my house. I would occasionally glance over at him; sometimes he would catch me and sometimes he wouldn't. I would just look down and blush and he would smirk. We finally pulled in front of my house and he turned off Morty. He sat there for a few minutes before I spoke.

Me-"So are we going to go in?" I looked over at him and he smirked at me. God what was he thinking?

Eli-"Depends, what do you plan on doing to me in there?"

I blushed when I noticed how sexual his comment was.

Me-"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

Eli-"Oh well no reason. You just keep looking at me like I'm a piece of meat."

He opened his door and got out. He was walking to my side when I noticed that he left the car keys in the ignition. I quickly pressed the lock button, causing all the doors to lock. He noticed this when he went to grab the door handle to my door to open it for me.

Eli-"What…..hey why did you lock the doors?"

Me-"I don't keep looking at you like a piece of meat." I stated simply; a smirk playing at my lips. He could tell I was playing and based off of the smirk on his lips he decided to play along.

Eli-"Yes you do. It's hard to resist this body; but don't worry I'll blame your raging hormones." He said gesturing to his body.

Oh so that's how it's going to be. I figured that a little flirting couldn't hurt could it? I turned to the window and tried to be as seductive as possible.

Me-"You know you are so right. It's so hard to keep myself together when you stand there with your sexy body. I'm so tempted to just drag you in that house and have my way with you then and there."

I looked up and down his body while speaking. I tried to sound as convincing as possible, and I think I did; hell I convinced myself. He stood there for a moment or two with a surprised and lustful look on his face. He seemed completely out of it. I guess he was oblivious to the fact that I was playing.

Eli-"Really?" he asked curiously.

I bit my lips slowly, tilted my head to the side, and shrugged my shoulders before answering him.

Me-"No." I busted out laughing. He stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds before blushing.

Me-"Oh looky there. Is that Elijah Goldsworthy blushing? And you say I'm the one with raging hormones. Ha."

Eli-"Okay, okay you've had your fun, now open the door." He said pulling on the door handle.

Me-"Nope not until you admit that I don't look at you like a piece of meat and that you are the one with raging hormones." I said. He looked at me and smirked.

Eli-"Nope."

Me-"Okay if you insist. But until you do I'll just have to find something to do." I said looking around the small confined area. I glanced over to the ignition and remembered that the keys were still in here. I looked back over to Eli.

Me-"Oh would you look at that." I slid over to the driver's seat, and he walked over to the driver side.

Eli-"What?"

I pulled the keys out of the ignition and held them by the window shaking them lightly. Eli looked at me with wide eyes realizing what I was implying.

Eli-"No way! Open this door!"

Me-"Or what?"

Eli-"Or I'll….I'll break the window." I looked at him a little surprised by his sudden threat.

Me-"Will you now?"

Eli-"Yup." He stated confidently.

Me-"So you would break the window to your ever so loved hearse, just because I want to take him for a drive? That doesn't sound so smart to me."

Eli-"Yeah well it's my only option."

Me-"No it's not. You could always say what I want you to say."

Eli-"No. I won't do it."

Me-"That's too bad." I put the key back in the ignition and started Morty. Eli's eyes widened at the sound of his car.

Me-"Oooo, it's so smooth."

Eli-"Come on Clare, I'll do anything but that…..anything." he pleaded, but I wasn't going to get away with what he said. I pushed the gear from park to drive.

Me-"Oooo, the gears change easily too."

He was beginning to look a little frantic. I began to take my foot off of the pedal which caused Morty to not even move 2 inches.

Eli-"Okay, okay I'll say anything you want. Just put him back in park and turn him off."

I put Morty back in park and sat there waiting.

Me-"Ok, I'm waiting…"

Eli-"You don't look at me like I'm a piece of meat."

I turned Morty off and sat there some more.

Me-"Okay…."

Eli-"And you're not the one with raging hormones."

I sat there for a few more minutes before he spoke.

Eli-"Okay, you can open the door now."

Me-"Nope, not until you admit that you're the one with the raging hormones."

Eli-"Oh come on Clare. Please just open the doors."

I sat there for a few more minutes.

Me-"I'm waiting…"

Eli-"Fine….I'm …."

Me-"Yes?"

Eli-"I'm the one with ranging hormones!"

I smiled at him

Eli-"Okay can you open the doors now?"

Me-"Sure." I slid to the middle of the car and reached over and pressed the unlock button. I made sure I had my house key in my hand, because I knew that as soon as I unlocked the door I was going to get it. He opened the door, sat down, got the keys and put them in his pocket. The whole time I watched him with my hand on the door handle. He looked down and shook his head.

Me-"Clare, Clare, Clare. What am I going to do with you?"

He glanced at me and I smiled.

Me-"Love me, feed me, never leave me?" I said jokingly, stealing that line from a Garfield movie.

Eli-"I don't know-"

But before he could finish I threw the passenger door opened and jumped out. It took him a moment before he caught on. I ran to my door, unlocked it and threw it open.

Eli-"Hey come back here!" he screamed as I dashed in my living room and to the other side of the couch. He soon ran through the door and into the living room glancing at me.

Eli-"You are so going to pay for that." He said while closing the door with his foot.

Me-"Oh, yeah and what are you going to do?"

Eli-"This.." Before I could realize what was going on he jumped over my couch and landed a few feet to the right of me. I took that as my chance. I dashed off in the direction of the stairs but his arm around my waist caught me.

Eli-"Where do you think you're going?" his breath on my neck sent chills down my whole body. He pulled me over to the couch, and laid me down before leaning over me to tickle me. He brought his fingers to my sides and began tickling me.

Me-"NO! PLEASE STOP!" I cried out in between frantic breaths.

Eli-"Nope not until you admit that YOU are the one with raging hormones."

He stopped only for a brief moment before continuing.

Me-"Okay! I'm the one with raging hormones!" I screamed.

Eli-"Gosh Clare I knew you were horny, you didn't have to scream it out to the world." He smirked. Oh no he didn't.

Me-"You think you're so clever don't you?" He looked at me with a pure genuine smile on his face, but it disappeared when he realized what I was doing.

Eli-"No Clare wait…" Before he finished I pulled him down to me and pushed so he fell off the couch and fell in the floor. The thing I did not plan was for him to pull me down with him but he did.

Me-"AHHHH!" I screamed, landing on Eli with a thud. My face was pressed against the floor and my body was on top of Eli's.

Me-"Ow,oooo damn it. Now look what you did." I pulled back and looked at him in the face. I put my hands flat on the ground and pushed to get some of my weight off of him, but I was restrained when he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back down to him.

Me-"What are you doing?"

Eli-"Oh nothing. Can't a guy hug his new friend?"

Me-"Well, it might be different if we were standing but we're not. I'm lying on top of you on the floor. It doesn't look to good if you get what I'm saying."

I pulled my head back to look him in the eyes. He just smiled.

Eli-"Nope."

Me-"Of course you don't."

I was about to get off of him when I became mesmerized in his eyes again. God I was going to have to stop this. Every time I looked into his eyes I became lost, and unaware of what was going on around us. I was already close to his lips so all he had to do was pull me a little closer. He started to pull me closer but I snapped out of my trance and pulled away. He looked hurt but I couldn't let that get to me. I quickly got off of him and stood up. He silently stood up looking at the ground.

Me-"I'm um I'm sorry."

Eli-"No, it's my fault."

Me-"I think it was 50 50. So we should probably get to work."

Eli-"Yeah sure. Where?"

Me-"Um, my room? But I understand if that's too you know personal."

Eli-"No your room sounds fine.

Me-"Okay, follow me." And I led him up stairs to my bedroom door.

Eli's POV:

Ok so I was really starting to get pissed. Ok this was like the 2nd time we almost kissed. The first time I thought she wanted to because we kind of got interrupted by the stupid school bell. But this time we didn't get interrupted she just pulled away. I didn't know why, but I guess she didn't want to kiss me. So I decided that I would just keep it casual and focus of school, not her and not liking her. I followed her up the stairs to her bedroom door. She hesitated for a few moments before opening it. She walked in and I expected her room to be all joyful and happy but it was the complete opposite. I guess you could say it was my room's twin. She had a pretty big room. When you walked in the door and looked to the left her bed was positioned in the middle against the wall. On the other side of her bed was a door leading to her bathroom. On the other side of her room in front of her bed there was a big window with a window seat under it. On the same side of the bedroom door there was a dresser and another door leading to a walk-in closet. Her walls were painted a blackish grey with band posters put up everywhere. Her comforter was black along with curtains along her window. I liked her room a lot. I stood there taking it all in. I guess I had been standing there for a while because she cleared her throat.

Clare-"So…"

Me-"I like your room."

Clare-"Oh, um thanks.. so should we get started?"

Me-"Yeah, sure." She motioned for me to sit on her bed, and I was going to but that's when I remembered that we had left our book bags, in Morty.

Me-"Damn, we forgot our book bags in Morty."

Clare-"Oh ok, well let's go get them."

Me-"I can go get them if you just want to wait here."

Clare-"Okay, thanks."

I got up and walked out to Morty. I unlocked his doors and reached in the get our bags. Right when I turned to shut the door a journal looking book fell out of Clare's bag and on to the ground. I bent down and picked it up. I was about to close it and put it back in her bag when I yesterdays entry.

~Clare's Journal~

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Dear Diary,

Hey, it's me again. This weekend was pure hell. All I did was lay on my bed a cry. My dad keeps texting me telling me that he loves me and that he believes me. Apparently they used to software and tracked my step sisters IPod. They found out where it was but they wouldn't tell me. He keeps implying that he thinks I have but then says that he believes me. I can't believe him. I am his own daughter and he believes them over me. I'm his flesh and blood. It hurts so much. I swear with every word he says to me I can feel my heart break more. I guess hope I didn't give anything away that day I ran out of English crying. That was the day Eli found me in the bathroom. Elijah Goldsworthy. How can I explain him? Perfect, smug, nice. Yes so many words could describe him. I know I have been mean to him but I just didn't want him to get close. It's not because he was weird or creepy. It's just that if I let someone close that gives them the chance to hurt me and I don't think my heart could take anymore hurt. I never thought my life would turn out like this. When I was a little girl I used to imagine how my life would be. I would grow up with the perfect family. Eventually get married, have kids. But none of those things could happen now. I didn't have the perfect family, I wasn't going to get married and have kids because I can't love people without thinking that they are going to hurt me. It just sucks soo much. I didn't ask for this. I was raised in a Christian family and they taught me that God loves his children. If god loved me so much why would he put me through everything I've been through? I guess that's why I stopped believing in God. For a long time when I believed in god I used to wonder what I could have done to deserve what my dad did to me. I used to pray to God all the time and ask him for help or to just make my dad stop beating me but he never did. That's why I lost the faith. I don't have faith for anything now. Not for having friends, not for forgiving myself for losing my virginity to a big ass hole. And to think I thought he actually loved me when all he loved was my vagina. I don't have faith for anything anymore. Well, I'm going to listen to some music and try to sleep. But I don't think I will considering the memories keep flooding in and because my mom brought another 20 year old home. FML.

-Clare

My heart shattered when I read it. I know it was a huge invasion of privacy but I could help it. I cared about her and I needed to know. So I finally knew why she was the way she was, but I didn't know all of it. I felt so mad toward her dad. Even though I didn't know him I couldn't help but think he was a bastard. I mean who in the hell believed his new family over his own daughter. I instantly wanted to beat the shit out of him. I felt so bad for her. I quickly closed her journal and shoved it back in her bag. I then made my way into her house; calling out before going any further.

Me-"Clare?"

She answered from what sounded like the kitchen.

Clare-"Just go on up to my room I'll be there in a sec. oh and would you like something to drink?"

Me-"Sure, a coke would be nice if you don't mind."

Clare-"I don't. Go ahead and get started. Be there in a minute."

I took that as an okay and walked up the stairs to her room. I sat down on her bed and pulled out my binder, some paper and a pen. I was sitting there for a few minutes before I heard a faint whisper coming from the hall. I decided to go and see what it was.

Clare's POV:

I was down in the kitchen getting us some drinks and popcorn. I knew I would have to make two trips but it's whatever. I walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs balancing the two drinks when I got a call from my dad. Oh great. I pulled out my phone and answered it.

Me-"Hello?"

Dad-"Hey honey, I just wanted to call you and tell you not to worry about the IPod. We are going to just get her a new one."

Me-"I haven't been worrying about her stupid IPod and you could have saved your time by not calling."

Dad-"Oh, come one don't be like that. Danielle says that she doesn't blame you. "

Me-"Doesn't blame me? Are you serious? That bitch told you I stole it. You believed her and now you're telling me that she doesn't blame me. Yeah right." I hung up the phone and took a deep breath trying to keep the tears from coming out. I had Elijah Goldsworthy in my room right now. I didn't need for him to see me crying. I slipped my phone back in my pocket before turning to open my door. Someone beat me to the punch. Eli was opening the door and apparently he didn't see me standing there. He bumped right into me causing the two glasses of cokes to pour out everywhere; including drenching us in the process.

Me-"Oh my god. I'm so sorry."

Eli-"No it's not your fault I ran into you."

Me-"Okay, well come with me and we'll get cleaned up."

Eli-"Ok." He followed me down the stairs and into the kitchen. I walked over to the sink and sat the two glasses down before turning back to him. He was standing there like he had no idea what to do. I grabbed and wet a washcloth and walked over to him.

Me-"Um. I could dry this for you if you want."

Eli-"Sure."

Me-"Here let me see if one of my dad's shirts is still here." But before I could go upstairs to see her ripped his shirt over his head and handed it to me. Omg, this was all I needed. Here stood Eli in my kitchen, shirtless and sticky. God. I took his shirt to the laundry room and threw it in the wash. I came back to find him barely whipping the stickiness from his chest.

Me-"Um, did it get on your pants?" he looked down and felt to check.

Eli-"Nope, we're good." He looked up and smiled.

Me-"Here let me help." I walked over to him not thinking and took the wet washcloth from his hand. I pressed it against his toned chest and began whipping. I could tell he was watching my face but I just kept my eyes on my job. Once the stickiness was all gone, I walked over and got a dry washcloth. I walked back over to him and began drying him. once I was done I looked up into his eyes and smiled.

Me-"All done."

Eli-"Thanks."

Me-"So now about that shirt." I left him in the kitchen and went to my mom's room to look. I went to her closet to find several button-up work shirts in there. I figured that they belonged to the several young me that my mom brought home. I grabbed a black one figuring that Eli would like it the best. I turned to leave but noticed that Eli had followed me up here. I walked over to him and handed him the shirt.

Me-"This should fit, but if it doesn't there's more."

Eli-"Okay thanks." He took the shirt from my hand and pulled it on over his arms and chest. He stood there adjusting it for a few moments, before apparently deciding that it fit and then buttoned it up.

Eli-"It fits well."

Me-"Good." He cuffed up the sleeves making him look even sexier. Gosh darn it. This was not good.

Me-"So looks like I've got a mess to clean up." I walked into my bedroom bathroom and got some more washcloths. I went to bend down and clean up our spilled mess but Eli stopped me. I looked at him confused but he just smiled.

Eli-"I'll clean this up you just go change." He took the rags from my hand.

Me-"Okay, thanks." I walked into my room to change. I had no idea what to put on but finally decided on a pair of black holey cut off short shorts and a simple purple tank top. When I walked back out in the hall I noticed that Eli wasn't there, so I walked down stairs. I heard noises coming from the kitchen. I walked in there to find Eli re filing our drinks.

Me-"Oh, thanks. I could have done that."

He turned around to look at me and when he did he looked me up and down taking in what I was wearing.

Eli-"It's no problem, you do enough as it is."

Me-"So should we get back to work."

Eli-"Yeah." He handed me my drink and we walked upstairs to my room. We sat down on my bed and before grabbing my book bag I sat my drink down on my night stand. I got in my bag and pulled out my binder and paper.

Me-"So, do you want to go first or should I?"

Eli-"Ladies first." I smiled at his chivalry.

Me-"Ok, well let's see. Do you want me to list my favorites or dislikes or what?"

Eli-"How about you start from the beginning and we'll go from there."

Me-"Ok." This was it. It was time for him to find out about everything. I tried hard, I really did. I tried to keep everything from him for almost 3 weeks but I caved. I couldn't keep anything from him; I didn't want to.

Me-"Well, my parents got married right out of high school and had me. I'm an only child, but I don't mind it. I guess I prefer it that way, and it's not because I enjoy attention. I just like being the only thing created from my parents. My whole life my mom was with me, while my dad worked. I'm really close to my mom; or I was. Never been close to my dad, he would always be working and not have time for me; even on his workless weekends. I played softball and cheerleading when I was little, but quit after 7 years because the coaches were dick heads."

He laughed.

Me-"My dad was an executive for some big business; we made more than decent money. At first we lived in this little 3 bedroom house, but then my dad moved me and my mom to the country. He moved us into a big 6 bedroom house away from my mom's side of the family; he never liked them that much. After 4 years in that house things turned south. And 5 years ago they got a divorce."

Eli-"That can't be all, is it?"

Me-"No, but I don't know if I can trust you." I stated truly. He took my hands in his and looked me in the eye.

Eli-"You can trust me. I'm not going to hurt you I swear. And I know by the way you act and by the things you say that you've been lied to and hurt before. But you've got to believe me when I tell you that I have no intention of hurting you."

Even though I had been told that a lot before, I knew by the look in his eyes that he meant it.

Me-"I trust you."

Eli-"Good."

Me-"Well, let me back up some, before my dad moved us out to the country, there was an incident. One night my dad came home late with a hickey on his neck. Well, my mom and dad got in a fight and we were going to leave, but he wouldn't let us. Eventually he pointed a gun to my mom's head and threatened her. My mom's brother and parent's came to help, while my aunt took me back to her house. I remember it vaguely; they were playing movies, just doing whatever they could to cheer me up. But all I remember doing is crying. I was little I didn't understand why they were fighting like this. After that from my point of view things got better. That's when my dad started making a lot more money and wanted us to have "nicer things" as he called them. I think honestly he was just trying to get us as far away from my mom's family as possible; seeing as how they kept telling her to leave him. Everything was going good. My dad worked, came home, went to bed. My mom spent all day with me in the summer and when I came home from school during the year. I honestly don't think my dad was ever fond of me. He would act like he cared and was interested but I could tell that he wasn't. I remember one Christmas when my dad started getting punishing me more severely for things that I did wrong. That's when things started to change. He started working later and later. He started saying that after work he would go have a drink with the "guys" and play cards, but mostly pool with them. Pool is his "thing". Well, it started getting later and then to the point to where he would come home at all. I can remember times when my mom would come and get me out of my bed at like 3 or 4 in the morning and put me in the front seat of the truck. I bring a pillow, blanket and of course my stuffed monkey." I pointed to the stuffed monkey sitting on my bed.

Eli-"Awe. Continue."

Me-"Well, I remember that I would lay the seat all the way back and try to go back to sleep, while my mom drove around to my dad's hangouts trying to find him. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. That's when things got really bad. My dad was staying out all hours of the night, my mom and dad started fighting. And when I say fighting I'm not over exaggerating. Things would get thrown, screaming, and cussing. Then came the abuse. My dad was always one for punishment. He started whipping me with his hand, then his belt."

This is when the tears started streaming down my face.

Eli-"You can stop if you want to. You don't have to tell me anymore."

Me-"No, I want you to know."

Eli-"Are you sure?" I glared into his eyes and saw nothing but love and worry.

Me-"Yes. Well, then he started getting more violent. He would hit me soo hard with his belt; it was unbearable. He would hold one of my arms while he hit me. I remember that I used to beg him to stop. I barged him with everything, including being better, but he never stopped. After that, he started hitting me in the face with his hand. He never punched; just slapped. I remember several times my poor mom would come in between him and me because he was beating me so bad; which would caused her to get her glasses smacked off her face. I hated him so much. He then started throwing stuff at me; anything he could get his hands on at the time. It's almost like he enjoyed beating me because then he started beating me for no reason. Like one time he told me to take the dog out to go to the bathroom. Well I was lying on our couch; I sat up to do what he said but I had to clear my throat. He thought I was doing one of those uhhhh things. So he came over to where I was and smacked me in the face. The one memory that stays with me all the time is the worst time he beat me. Him and my mom were in bed to go to sleep; and I had to get something from their bathroom. Well when I went to walk out the door I asked him if he wanted to light on or off. He said on, but I accidently turned it off, but I turned it right back on. Well, he got mad and got his belt. You see they had a tread mill in their room. Well he started beating me so bad that I tried to get away, but I tripped and fell over the tread mill. I landed on my side, and instead of stopping he started kicking me. That's something he tells everyone is a lie. But hospital reports don't lie. I had a broken ankle, and bruises everywhere. We told the hospital that I had just fallen of my four-wheeler. A few months after that they decided to get a divorce. They had this big fight, where my grandparents came to get me and my mom but my dad wouldn't let me leave. So basically my mom threw his ass in a fish pond. Haha. It was so funny but I was too shocked to laugh. Well they have been divorced for 5 years now."

He scooted over closer to me on my bed.

Eli-"I am so sorry. No wonder you are so scared to trust anyone." He gave me a hug.

Eli-"Well, things must have gotten better since you don't live with him anymore right?"

Me-"Well, ever since the divorce he has been telling everyone that my mom is crazy and he never did anything to us. He's playing the "good father" role. About 3 years ago he got remarried to this god awful woman. She's got 3 kids; two boys and one girl. The two boys are the oldest, 23, 17 and the girl is 16. She's only a few months younger than me. Well, I met them once and they all seemed very nice; that is until I got to know the girl. A year after they got married her daughter moved in with them. They kicked me out of my room at his house and gave it to her cause it was the bigger one. They said that I wasn't going to be there all the time so she deserved it. She's quiet the little bitch if I do say so myself. She's a stuck up little drama queen. I could tell she never really liked me but I tried to work it out for my dad's sake. Well, over time things just got worse; leading her into her newest scandal. The last time I was over there, she and her mom were fighting. I left the next morning, well later that day my dad called me accusing me of stealing her IPod. I didn't take it, and I honestly have no idea where it went; I told my dad that. And now he keeps calling and texting telling me that he believes me but says that they are using some tracker thingy to find it. And that's basically It." He sat there for a few minutes.

Me-"I know it's a lot to take in."

Eli-"No. I mean yeah it is, but it's just so hard to understand your dad. I mean how could he believe them over you?"

Me-"Don't ask me. That's just how he is."

Eli-"I am so sorry for everything I did and said. I didn't mean it."

Me-"It's okay, really."

He looked down at his lap before taking a shy look at me.

Eli-"I feel like such a jackass. I judged you before I got to know you."

Me-"It's really ok. You didn't know."

Eli-"Yeah, well now I do."

Me-"Yup." I gave him a quick smile to reassure him that he was forgiven and everything was forgotten. I heard something vibrating and that's when I realized that it was his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the text.

Eli-"Shit."


	5. Chapter 5

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 5

Eli's POV:

Clare just told me everything that happened with her and her family and it was heartbreaking. I wanted to be there for her and right after she tells me my god forsaken phone has to go off. I mentally cussed at the person on the other side and grabbed it out of my pocket. I looked down and read it. It was from Cece.

~Text message~

Hey baby boy, just wanted to let you know that me and Bullfrog won't be home tonight. We got this Dj gig a couple hours away, so make sure you eat and do your homework. Bye love you. 3

Me-"Shit."

She looked at me with her big blue eyes as if she was saddened.

Clare-"What is it? Do you have to go home?"

Me-"Nope, actually the opposite. My mom and dad won't be home tonight, and my mom just texted me to tell me."

She looked a little relieved when the words left my mouth.

Clare-"Oh, then what was the shit for?"

Me-"Oh, I don't have any money to eat dinner with. My dad forgot to give me my allowance and my pay for helping him work this last weekend; and I'm pretty sure they forgot to leave any money at home. They got this gig tonight and it was a last minute thing."

She looked so worried about me.

Me-"But don't worry about me. I'm not even that hungry, I'll be fine."

Clare-"Eli there is so way I'm letting you go hungry."

Me-"No, really it's no big deal."

Clare-"It's fine. My mom isn't even going to be home until like 6 this morning, and she left me an excessive amount of money for takeout. So I was just thinking since we have no one else to eat dinner with we could eat together…..but that's only if you want to." She looked so cute when she got nervous.

Me-"I would love to eat dinner with you."

She glanced at her phone and looked at the time.

Clare-"It's not really time for dinner yet, unless you're hungry."

Me-"No, I'm good right now."

Clare-"Ok, so how about you tell me about your life and then we'll order takeout, and maybe watch a movie from Netflix."

Me-"Sounds good to me."

She gave me a genuine smile. She was so adorable.

Me-"Okay, well my life let's see. Like your parents my parents were high school sweet hearts. They got married right after school and then had me. Like you I'm an only child. My dad, Bullfrog, is a shock jock. And my mom is like his assistant manager. My mom and dad's sense of music rubbed off on me. I love rock n' roll, as you can tell. Um we used to live in Cambridge, but we moved here this year." I hesitated. I had to tell Clare, I mean she trusted me enough to tell me so I needed to tell her.

Clare-"What caused you guys to move?"

Me-"Well, you see I used to have this girlfriend. Her name was Julia. She um she cheated on me. And when she did I kind of went off and got really mad. I broke up with her, and ignored her when she tried to apologize. We were really close; she had problems with her step mom and she would always stay with me at my house. We being broken up caused her to have to stay at her house with her stepmom. She came to me one day saying that she was sorry and that she had stopped loving me but she needed me because she couldn't go back home. I yelled at her, said things I didn't mean. I told her to just leave me alone; I told her I hated her. She left me alone; the next day I got a call from her dad saying that she had killed herself. She left me a letter telling me how sorry she was for cheating on me and for not being able to just tell me that she didn't love me anymore. She said that she couldn't handle her life anymore. Her dad found her in her bathroom with her wrist slit."

I looked up at her and noticed that she was about to cry.

Clare-"Oh, Eli. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

Me-"It's ok, it was hard at first but I'm fine now. I used to think that it was my fault, and that I deserved to die because of what happened to her. Hell I used to be a hoarder. I couldn't throw anything away. When I did I felt like me or someone I loved was going to die. But with a lot of therapy I'm fine now. And happier than ever."

Clare-"That's good."

Me-"Yup, but anyways, that's basically my life story."

Clare-"Awesome, hey you want to play 20 questions to get to know each other better?"

Me-"Sure, but only if I can go first."

She laughed at how childish I sounded.

Clare-"Of course you can."

Me-"Ok..hummm…what's your favorite food?"

Clare-"Either Chinese or Mexican."

Me-"Touché." We both laughed.

Clare-"Ok, what is your favorite color?"

Me-"Baby blue." She looked at me like I was crazy.

Me-"What?"

Clare-"Nothing, I'm just surprised. I expected you to say black or grey, but definitely not baby blue." She giggled. God her giggle was so intoxicating; what am I saying everything about her was intoxicating.

Me-"Yeah, well for the longest time my favorite color was black, but for the last 3 weeks it changed to baby blue."

Clare-"Why the sudden change?"

Me-"Nope, it's my turn to ask a question."

Clare-"uhhhhhh."

Me-"Hey, you were the one who wanted to play 20 questions." She giggled again and lay back on her bed. I followed her suit and did the same. She turned her head and looked at me.

Clare-"Ok, well how about we don't play 20 questions and just ask whatever we want to ask?"

Me-"Sounds good to me."

We spent the next hour lying there asking each other questions. We probably knew everything about one another. She was just about to ask me one when her stomach growled. I couldn't help but laugh.

Me-"Hungry much?"

Clare-"Yeah, you?"

Me-"Me too."

Clare-"Well, let's eat."

She jumped up off the bed.

Clare-"Race you downstairs." And she was off. For a little petit girl she sure was fast.

Clare's POV:

I ran down the stairs and plopped down on the couch. Breathing heavily, I watched as Eli practically jumped down the stairs.

Me-"So, what do you want to eat?"

Eli-"I'm a guy I'll eat anything."

Me-"Ok, well how about we both blurt out what we want to eat at the same time."

Eli-"Interesting."

Me-"Ok you ready 1…2…3"

I was really surprised when we both screamed Chinese at the same time.

Me-"Chinese it is." I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number to the local Chinese takeout place. After an hour and a half of figuring out what we wanted and ordering we decided to pick a movie.

Eli-"How about a horror movie?" I was about to agree when he sat there and squinted up his eyes and face.

Me-"Um Eli? What are you doing?"

Eli-"Oh just waiting."

Me-"Waiting for what?"

Eli-"For the girly whine, about how you hate horror movies because they scare you and how you want to watch a lovey dovey movie."

Me-"Well, then I guess you'll be waiting forever." He opened his eyes and looked at me. I walked over to where he was sitting on the couch, grabbed him by the hand and pulled him over to where we kept our dvds.

Me-"I guess you could say that I'm a horror movie kind of girl."

I slid the door to the cabinet and you should have seen his face. He stood there taking in all the horror movies and trust me I had a lot. I had basically any type of horror movie you could think off, from Jeepers Creepers to Paranormal Activity. It took him a moment before he spoke.

Eli-"OMG! You've got to be kidding me. You've got like ever horror movie ever made!"

Me-"Yup, I love them." I smiled at him.

Eli-"I think you and me are going to get along just fine." He smirked.

Me-"Yeah, like we weren't before I showed you this?" I asked sarcastically.

Eli-"haha you realize what this means don't you?"

Me-"Um, no?"

Eli-"You are officially my best friend along with Adam, and I am so coming here when I want to watch a horror movie. I mean damn, this selection is better than freaking Block Busters."

I couldn't help but laugh at how cute and excited he looked.

Me-"Well, thanks. You're always welcome here."

He smiled at me and placed a hand over his heart.

Eli-"Awww, I feel so loved." I just laughed. After 10 minutes of trying to pick a movie he decided to go with Jeepers Creepers. As soon as we put the movie in and started it, the door bell rang.

Me-"I'll get it."

I walked to the door and opened it to come face to face with the Chinese delivery man.

Me-"How much do I owe you?"

Delivery man- "That'll be $34.57."

I handed him I handed him 2 $20 dollar bills, and told him to keep the change. He handed me the gigantic box of food and a 2 liter coke. I was trying to shut the door with my foot when I felt the box slipping out of my hands.

Me-"ELI HELP!"

He did this ninja jump over the back of the couch and ran up to me, catching the box of food in his hand.

Me-"Thanks." He smiled at me.

Eli-"No problem."

He walked into the living room and sat the food down on the table, while I went to the kitchen to get cups of ice for our drinks. I went back in the living room to fill our cups. We sat and watched the movie while eating. We didn't say a word to each other the whole time the movie played. It was starting to get really awkward. That is until I decided to break the silence.

Me-"So…um."

He glanced over at me with a curious look in his eye.

Eli-"Yeah?"

Me-"Nothing…never mind."

He shifted his body so he was facing me.

Eli-"Seriously…what is it?"

Me-"Well, I don't want you to think I'm nosey and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to….but."

Eli-"Okay, but what?"

Me-"Okay well, I know you said that the reason you were late meeting me was because you got caught up in history class but I feel like that's not the real reason why."

He got the same embarrassed look on his face as he had earlier.

Me-"Um... never mind. It's none of my business."

Eli-"No. It's fine...I want to be honest with you."

Me-"Are you sure? Because I can just drop it-" he cut me off

Eli-"No trust me it's fine. You see, I was kind of in class and I was thinking about something which caused a problem. So I kind of had to take care of that problem in the bathroom, because I didn't want to meet you with that problem. You follow?"

It took me a minute to understand but then his words clicked together in my head.

Me-"OH! Oh my god...I'm so sorry I should have just dropped it." I looked down blushing.

Eli-"It's fine. Really. I'd rather tell you the truth than lie to you."

I looked up to meet his eyes and they were sincere.

I glanced at the clock to see that it was already 11:00pm.

Me-"How about we finish the movie?"

Eli-"Sure."

We continued watching it in silence.

As much as I wanted to stay awake and spend more time with Eli, my body wouldn't let me. It had been a long and tiring day, and I needed sleep. Willingly or not it took me.

Eli's POV:

The movie was just ending when I stretched and spoke.

Eli-"Well, that movie never get's old. Which one did you like bett-" I stopped in the middle of my sentence because when I turned to Clare she was sleeping. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. I didn't want to wake her so I decided to just carry her to bed. I carefully bent over and lifted her in my arms. I carried her up the stairs and into her room. I laid her down in her bed and covered her with her blankets.


	6. Chapter 6

Broken And Unloved

Chapter 6

Eli's POV:

I debated whether or not I should stay. I didn't really feel like going home to a big empty house, but I didn't want to stay and make Clare feel uncomfortable. I decided to face my issues and just go home. The whole ride home my mind was racing of my day. I had no idea this morning when I woke up that I would be in Clare's house having dinner with her, let alone actually speaking to her. I was happy though, this is what I wanted. I couldn't stand being away from her. I ate me up inside that I left her home alone, but there wasn't any other choice.

When I got home I stood outside for a mere moment staring at my so called home. A home is a place where you're supposed to feel loved and safe. This place wasn't my home. It was more of a death trap with bars on the windows. I looked at my "home" and realized that I didn't have a home. The only home I could think of was Clare. She made me feel happy and special. I knew that was ridicules to say, considering that we just started talking today but it was true. She was my home and I loved it.

I got a quick shower and laid down. Thankfully I dozed off fast, not allowing myself to think of the man and woman who were always gone.

Clare's POV:

I awoke to a loud banging. Uhhhhhhh! What the hell is that? I rolled over and apparently I was on the edge of my bed because I fell in the floor. I pulled my sore body off the floor and stretched. I noticed that I still had on yesterday's clothes. So that's why all the circulation to my legs was cut off. Never wear short jean shorts to bed. I nearly slipped and fell on a sock when I heard 3 more big bangs. I realized that it was just someone at the door. I stumbled into the hall and down the stairs. Before I reached that door whoever it was banged again.

Me-"OKAY, I'M COMING!"

Goodness eager much? I unlocked the door, threw it opened and found myself face to face with the green eyed boy I had dreamed about.

Me-"Eli? Um what are you doing here?" his smirk disappeared and he got this worried look on his face.

Eli-"I'm here to get you to school sometime today, so we don't get detention."

He pulled out his phone and shoved it in my face showing me the time. It was currently 7:15 and school started in 15 minutes.

Me-"HOLY SHIT!"

Eli-"I know go get dressed and hurry."

I ran up the stairs and into my room. I didn't even bother changing into anything else. I kept the black shorts and purple tank top on and just added a black sweater. I slipped on socks and my converse. I then ran into the bathroom and applied my makeup as fast as I could. Not to brag but I'm pretty good at putting on makeup speedy fast. Lol. I nearly poked myself in the eye with my eye liner when Eli called up to tell me that I had 5 minutes to get my butt down there and in his car.

I ran back into my room to get my bag and phone. I almost died of decapitation when I tripped on my rug and fell hitting my head on my nightstand.

Me-"SHIT!" I guess Eli heard because he came running up the stairs and busted through my bedroom door with a very concerned look on his face. I was currently laying on my belly on the floor with my hand pressed to my head.

Eli-"What the hell happened?"

Me-"Nothing it's fine." I said trying to cover it up. We didn't have time for this and I didn't want him to worry. But nothing ever works the way you want them because when I pulled my hand away from my head it was covered in blood. DAMNIT! Why can't anything ever work for me?

Eli-"Oh my god, you're hurt." he rushed over to my side and helped me up.

Me-"It's really nothing I'll be fine I always am." I gave him a reassuring smile but I don't think he bought it, considering the fact the instead of letting my walk he scooped me up in his arms and placed me down on my unmade bed.

Eli-"Do you have any Band-Aids?"

Me-"Yeah, they're in my bathroom under my sink. Let me go get them."

I went to get up but his strong arms stopped me.

Eli-"Nope, you stay here, I'll get them. I don't need you passing out."

He walked into my bathroom.

Me-"Psst I'm not going to pass out."

I got up off my bed and went to go in there with him, but dizziness over took me and I went to fall again. I was preparing to hit the hard floor again but instead he had managed to catch me.

Eli-"See, I told you to be still."

Me-"Okay, fine maybe I do need to take it slow."

I laid back on my pillows and let him go to work. He pressed some tissue to my forehead to get the blood to stop.

Eli-"It doesn't look like you need stitches."

Me-"Well that's good."

Eli-"Yeah, but next time be more careful please."

Me-"I know it was an accident."

He threw the red tissue in my bed side trash can and applied the band-aid. He helped me sit up slowly.

Me-"Thanks."

Eli-"No problem. Come one let's get to school."

He helped me up, grabbed my bag, walked me downstairs, locked my door for me, and then finally helped my into the car, which by the way was occupied by a brown haired boy with blue eyes and a beanie.

Eli-"Clare this is Adam, my best friend. Adam this is Clare."

Me-"Hi. It's a pleasure to meet you." I said warmly giving him a nice smile.

Adam-"I finally get to meet the ever so famous Clare. Believe me the pleasure is all mine."

Eli joined us in the car and drove off. We filled the silence with endless chatter, while Eli just drove and looked at me every so often. Adam and I had a lot in common. When we got to school Adam and Eli got out, and I was about to but I was stopped by Eli's hand on my hand helping me. It was so sweet that he wanted to make sure that I was going to be okay but if we kept moving like this we would definitely be getting that detention that we all dreaded.

Me-"I appreciate your help but I think I've got it."

Eli-"Are you sure? I just don't want you to get dizzy again and fall."

Me-"I'll be fine, I promise."

I gave him a sweet smile and he returned it with his smirk but he still held on. We hurried off into the school and I don't know if he noticed that he was still holding my hand but it was the only thing on my mind. Adam had departed at the beginning of the school and it we made it to our separation. He stopped walking and looked at me.

Eli-"Would you like me to walk you to class, or will you be okay?"

I couldn't help but giggle.

Me-"I'll be fine, but if you keep worrying like this you're going to be the one in the hospital with an aneurism."

He smiled. Not a smirk but a genuine smile.

Eli-"Okay, miss smarty pants. I just want to make sure you're okay."

Me-"I know and I'm fine but if we don't hurry up we'll be late."

Eli-"Okay, well I'll see you at lunch right?"

Me-"Yeah, I'll meet you by your locker."

Eli-"Okay."

I opened my fingers and went to walk away but his hand holding on to mine stopped me.

Me-"Um Eli, you're going to have to let me go if we are going to class."

He looked down and remembered that he still had a hold of my hand. He blushed and bowed his head.

Eli-"Oh my bad."

He let go of my hand and when he did I felt lost.

Eli-"Well, I'll see you at lunch."

And with that he walked off toward first period. If I wasn't going to be late I would have just stood there and tried to process what had just happened. But no I couldn't think about anything. I ran my ass to 1st and nearly made it in the door as the bell was ringing. I took my seat and waited for lunch to get here.

Eli's POV:

Okay, I had official fallen for this girl. No doubt about it. There was nothing I could do now to change or prevent my feelings. I thought about Clare all day, but I was also thinking of Julia and my promise to her. I promised her when she died that I would never be with anyone else, that I would always love her. As soon as the thoughts entered my head I knew I had to get them out of there. This is why I had been in therapy so much. Every time i thought about my future; having a family I felt so guilty. I thought I was betraying Julia, when in reality I was betraying myself and my life. It wasn't my fault Julia had died, it was an accident and I promised I would always love her and I always would. I would just love another girl too. Therapy helped me with my issues when I didn't have anyone. And now that I had someone to love I wasn't going to let them screw it up.

_**Okay, so I know I'm moving pretty fast with this story but I just need to move along. I'm skipping over the next3 weeks because nothing really happens in them, just that Adam, Eli and Clare become best friends and know everything about each other. I need to skip these next few weeks so we can move onto the good stuff. *Eclare, dad trouble, and lots and lots of drama* please don't be mad. :/**_

Clare's POV:

_Dear Diary, Tuesday, October 18, 2011_

_Lunch was amazing and so was every lunch for the next 3 weeks. Today I realized how much I loved Eli. I know I know that seems really quick to have fallen for someone especially with my issues. But I couldn't help it. Over the last 3 weeks, we have hung out during school, after school and every weekend, sometimes alone and sometimes with Adam. I loved hanging out with both of them. We all knew everything about each other, and when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. Lol. For once I was so glad that I stepped out of my security blanket and took a chance. I know I put my heart on the line but it was so worth it. These two guys were my life and I don't know what I would do without them. They are like the peanut to my jelly. That sounds really cheesy but it's true. Eli is just so prefect. He's sweet, loving, kind, smart, smug, and so on. I love everything about him. I loved spending time with him and when I'm not with him I'm constantly thinking about him. I wonder if he feels the same way? Of course not. He likes me as a friend and that's it. Anyways life is perfect except for the fact that I've been having dizzy spells where I pass out. It has gotten bad, but mom made a doctor's appointment for November 1, which is a Tuesday. Hopefully it's nothing bad._

_Well anyways next Friday is the Halloween dance at school and I have a problem. I can't decide what to be. I'm thinking something scary but I don't really know. I'll have to see what Eli and Adam think. Maybe we can go as a group thing. Lol. _

I was pulled from my thoughts and my writing when someone banged on my door.

Adam-"CLARE I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! STOP WRITING AND LET US IN! ELI AND ME WILL STAY HERE FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES!"

*BANG BANG BANG*

Me-"OKAY I'M COMING!"

I hopped off my bed and hurried downstairs to open the door.

Me-"Goodness, you aren't really patient are you?"

Adam smiled and Eli smirked.

Adam-"Nope. Now come on, it's time to play some video games and chill."

We all gathered in my basement which earlier this month, we had convinced my mom to let us turn it into a hangout place for us. And by convince I mean I had to inform her that if we couldn't hang here we would have to hang at the ravine where everyone's drunk, high and the girls either come home with an STD or a positive pregnancy test. You should have seen her face. It was priceless. Needless to say she let us have the basement.

Adam headed straight downstairs to get everything set up while me and Eli went into the kitchen to get drinks and popcorn. It was really awkward, I guess because our flirting had intensified lately. There I was, standing there madly in love with the boy in front of me and I wasn't sure of how he felt. All I knew was that if he kept staring at me like he was doing right now I was going to jump him soon. Right when I was about to break the silence Adam did it for me.

Eli's POV:

She looked so beautiful today. I was just about to make my move when Adam came in a ruined it. For the last month- scratch that, ever since Adam and Clare met, he's been telling me to go for it before it's too late. I had finally worked up the nerve to do something about it and he walked right in and ruined it, great. He jumped up on the counted and motioned for us to join. Clare was the first to move. She walked over and slowly fixed her short skirt. You see this was one problem. It was very hard to focus on anything when she was wearing those skirts.

She hopped up there and he skirt flew up almost exposing her panties. She caught it before it did and I didn't know whether to be thankful or pissed. She looked so perfect today. She was wearing a black mini ruffled mini skirt with a flowery baby blue top. Her hair was curled to perfection and her makeup was perfect also. God if she could just be mine. But the biggest problem was that I had no idea if she felt the same way as I did, she was always putting us down. Like when Adam would joke about us flirting and us being together she would always be like "no we're friends. Nothing more nothing less." I don't know why she would say that if she felt the same.

Adam-"It's so quiet in here. What's wrong? Did mommy and daddy have a fight and now aren't talking?"

Clare blushed as did i.

Clare-"No, we are fine. And we're friends Adam, try to remember that." With that she got up and went downstairs.

What the fuck was that about. Someone turned on classic bitch.

I turned to Adam.

Me-"What did you do?" he looked surprised.

Adam-"Me? I didn't do anything."

Me-"Well, obviously you did, cause she's pissed."

Adam-"I'll go see what it's about."

With that he stomped downstairs like a little kid. I wonder what's wrong.

Adam's POV:

When I got down to the basement I found Clare sitting on the couch looking quiet pissed. I walked over and sat down next to her.

Me-"What's wrong? and you might as well tell me because you know good and well that I'll find out sooner or later."

She looked over at me and I could tell that she looked saddened by something.

Clare-"It's just that when you joke about us being together, I can't help but think how we are never going to be that. And I can't help but wish that we were that."

I understood completely.

Me-"I understand but you need to keep your head up, oh and I need to tell you something. You better hurry up and claim him before its too late. You know Imogen? She works at the Dot in the mornings."

Clare-"Yeah, why?"

Me-"I heard from a good source that she's like in love with Eli. The girl is like obsessed with him. If you don't hurry up and put your claim on him she will."

Clare-"Oh come on, we both know Eli would never go for a girl like her."

Me-"You never know. One day he might get tired of playing this continuous game with you and go looking for something fresh and real."

Clare-"But I'm not ready to admit my feelings for him. And besides what if it blows up in my face and it ruins our friendship?"

Me-"It won't ruin anything. Just go for it."

Clare-"Okay, how about this weekend?"

Me-"Sounds good."

Eli-"What about this weekend?"

Clare's POV:

Shit I hope Eli didn't hear any of that. I highly doubt Eli would go for a girl like Imogen but Adam does have a point. I can't be too careful, I'd better do this.

Me-"Um I just asked Adam if ya'll wanted to go costume shopping this weekend, you know for the Halloween dance."

Eli gave me a look like he didn't believe me but then agreed.

Eli-"Sure, sounds great."

With that we all settled down and began playing games. While the boys played I couldn't help but to stare off into space and think about how I was going to do this. oh lord help me.


	7. Chapter 7

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 7

Eli's POV:

Well this sucked. The rest of the afternoon was awkward between me and Clare. She sat far away from me as she could, and she was constantly staring off into space. And let's not mention that when I would ask her a question she looked annoyed and responded within 4 words or less. I don't understand her; one minute she's flirting like crazy and the next she is ignoring me. The tension in the air was so thick I couldn't handle it any longer; so at about 4:30 pm I decided to head out. I stood up to stretch and set my plan into motion.

Me-"Hey guys, I'm going to head home."

Adam paused the game he was currently playing and they both looked at me confused.

Clare-"Why?" For the first time today she looked genuinely interested in me.

Me-"Oh my um my mom is home and she needs my help with something, but don't worry I'll see you guys tomorrow morning for school.

They both still looked a little confused but agreed and Clare offered to walk me out.

Me-"No, it's fine. I can walk myself out."

I got up and started walking up the basement stairs. I was at the top and I was about to close the door and leave when I heard Adam speak.

Adam-"What the hell was that about? That boy never leaves before dark especially when we are hanging out at your house."

I soon heard Clare reply.

Care-"I have no idea, but I have a feeling that it has to do with me."

Adam-"Well, you were acting like a freaking zombie all day long and ignoring his existence."

Clare-"Well, I was busy thinking."

Adam-"About what?"

Clare-"About how I'm going to ask him out this weekend."

Adam-"Well, why don't you just go ahead and get it over with. Eli is going to find out sooner or later and you might as wells be the one to tell him."

Clare-"And what if I get rejected? Then what am I going to tell Eli?"

Adam-"I don't know, we'll figure that out when we get to it."

They were quiet for a few moments before Adam continued.

Adam-"You really love this guy don't you?"

Clare-"How can you tell?"

Adam-"The look on your face says it all."

I heard Clare sigh.

Clare-"Yes, I love him. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, he's perfect."

Adam-"Damn you got it bad."

Clare-"I know."

Adam-"Then why don't you just ask him out and get it over with?"

Clare-"I will. I just need to do it the right way. Oh and will you please stop joking about me and Eli together, it's so not helping with the whole "ask the guy you love out" thing."

Adam-"Fine I was just joking."

Clare-"Thanks, oh and by the way I'm going to ask him out this Saturday. And I know I'm going to be hanging out with you and Eli, so I was just wondering if you could distract Eli until I get done."

Adam-"Sure, no problem."

Clare-"Thanks, what you I do without you?"

Adam-"Probably die."

Clare-"True, now let's get back to this game."

From there on their conversation consisted on laughter and jokes. I quietly closed the door and exited out the front of the house. I got in Morty and drove off. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. No wonder Clare didn't like it when Adam mentioned us being together today, she is in love with some other guy. I couldn't believe I didn't notice. My stomach turned to knots and I knew I needed to relax. No one was home right now and I had nowhere to go to the Dot for some coffee. I was soon in the Dot sitting in a booth in the back. Shortly after I sat down the girl known as Imogen. I only knew who this girl was only because Adam told me about her intentions. She liked me and apparently a lot. She was a pretty girl but nothing compared to Clare. She had long brown hair that hung in two pig buns. She had dark wondering brown eyes, and a medium to tan complexion. Her features complemented her and fir her well, but to me she was just another face in a crowd. My heart belonged to my best friend and she was in love with another guy. Go figure, just my luck.

Imogen-"Hi, welcome to the Dot, what can I get you?" She asked, eyeing me up and down.

Me-"Um how about….a white chocolate mocha latte."

Imogen-"Sure coming right up"

With that she walked away and went behind the counter to make my coffee. The whole time she kept glancing at me as if she was scared I would disappear and turn out to be just a fragment of her imagination. She returned shortly and placed my coffee along with a check down on the table. I expected her to just leave but she didn't, she just stood there for a few moments as if she was debating on what to say.

Imogen-"um I'm on my break and I was just wondering if you might want to talk. I see you at school all the time…."

I decided to be nice.

Me-"Sure, I've got nothing better to do." I motioned for her to sit down and she did.

She went about properly introducing herself and talking aimlessly about school and her life. I was barely paying attention, with my thoughts drifting to Clare until she mentioned the dance. UHHHHHH! I had totally forgotten about the dance, but now remembered that I didn't have a date and Clare would be there with another guy.

Imogen-"So what are you going as?"

Me-"I have no idea."

Imogen-"Me either."

Me-"The girl I was planning on asking is going with someone else so I might not even go."

She looked saddened by this and decided to make me feel obligated to go.

Imogen-"Well, hey I don't have a date either. We could like hang out if you wanted."

I thought for a moment before deciding what the hell. The girl I loved was going with someone else, and I could use this opportunity. I didn't like Imogen like that but it would be better than moping around home all night, and plus this would allow me to keep my eyes on this other guy.

Me-"How about we take this one step further, how about we go together?"

I swear that girl's face lit up like it was Christmas morning.

Imogen-"You mean like a date?"

Me-"Yeah, it could be fun. What do you say?"

Imogen-"I'd love to."

Me-"Great, now we just need to decide what to go as."

Imogen-"Ooooooo how about Romeo and Juliet? It's my favorite story of all time."

Me-"Sure, whatever you want is fine with me."

She gave me a big ass smile.

Me-"Well, do you want to go together to buy costumes?"

Imogen-"NO! I don't want you to see my dress until the night of the dance. Lol."

Me-"That's fine. I have to go shopping this weekend with my two best friends."

After a few more minutes of conversing we exchanged number and after receiving a text from Clare and my mom I had to leave. My mom was ordering me home for a "family dinner". As I was on my way home I was thinking about everything that had happened today. I may not be going to the dance with the girl I love, but at least I would be there to keep an eye on her.


	8. Chapter 8

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 8

Clare's POV:

Shortly after Eli left Adam got a text message from his mom telling him to get his butt home but not before he stopped by the Dot to get her some coffee. The things he does for that women lol. It has been around 3 hours since he left and I decided to text him.

_~Text messages~_

_Hey Adam, what's up?_

_-Clare_

He replied within minutes.

_Oh, nothing much. Just obeying my slave master and cleaning the house._

_-Adam_

_Ooooo sounds tough. Poor baby, it wouldn't hurt to clean your room. It's a mess._

_-Clare_

_I know, but I also have to help Drew clean his, force him to stop talking to Ali, and help me with the rest of the house._

_-Adam_

_LOL Crack a whip on him. :3_

_-Clare_

_Oooooo Good idea. I would but I'm not freaking Indiana Jones._

_-Adam_

_Boo Hoo! That's not fair! Just because I'm a big fan of him doesn't mean I'm always referencing to him. ._

_-Clare_

_Pssst. You know you were. And sorry gtg mom just walked through the door. Later. :p_

_-Adam_

I decided not to reply and just leave him alone. I decided to try calling Eli since he didn't answer my text earlier. He answered on my second ring.

Eli-"Hello?"

Me-"Hey, what's up?"

Eli-"Oh….um nothing much just finished helping my mom."

Me-"Oh cool. So have you thought about what you're going to be for the dance?"

Eli-"Yeah I'm going as Romeo so I can make my Juliet happy."

My heart fluttered at that. I just knew he liked me back considering that he knows Romeo and Juliet is my favorite book.

Me-"That sounds cool. I hope you make her happy."

I was trying so hard to contain my joy but it was useless.

Eli-"Yeah."

Me-"Hey I got to go my mom wants to talk to me. Bye!"

And with that I hung up the phone. But I didn't lay it down because I called Adam right after.

As soon as Adam answered the phone I screamed.

Adam-"HOLY SHIT CLARE! WHAT'S WRONG?"

Me-"NOTHING, EVERYTHING IS PERFECT."

Adam-"Okay? Then do you care to explain why you almost caused me to go death?"

Me-"Ok, well I was just talking to Eli on the phone and at first it was kind of awkward so I was trying to make some small talk, so I asked him what he was going to be for the dance and guess what he said?"

Adam-"What?"

Me-"He said that he was going as Romeo so he could make his Juliet happy."

Adam-"Really?"

Me-"Yeah and I mean he has to be talking about me, because he knows that's my favorite book."

Adam-"Of course he's talking about you. That boy worships the ground you walk on."

Me-"You really think so?"

Adam-"Ah duh. He loves you, I can tell."

Me-"I really hope you're right."

Adam-"I am. Now I don't mean to cut this short but mom is ready to kill me."

Me-"It's no problem. I was about to take a shower and get ready for bed anyways."

Adam-"Okay, well just chill and try to relax. Everything will work out I promise."

Me-"Okay, night love ya!"

Adam-"Dido."

After I hung up with Adam I decided to take a nice long hot shower. I needed to relax. I was excited and scared and it was causing my muscles to tense up. But I can't help it. Once I got in the shower my muscles immediately began to relax. The shower, like so many of my others couldn't be rushed.

By the time I got out I was super relaxed. I put on my Pj's and climbed into my warm comfy bed. I wanted to lay there and think about how I was going to ask Eli out, but before I could I was out.

Sunday, October 22, 2011

Dear diary,

"Here I sit waiting for Eli and Adam to pick me up at my house. Today is finally Saturday and we are going costume shopping for the Halloween dance next weekend. This week was so long and such a torture. Well anyways I have decided that I'm going to tell Eli I love him at the dance. I will be dressed as Juliet, he will be dressed as Romeo and everything will be perfect. I'm excited but really scared. I can't wait and I can't really believe that I fell in love with him. I mean it's not because he isn't my type or anything like that. But I kept myself so hidden from everyone and he broke through my barrier and made me fall even when I didn't want to. I have never been in love with anyone as much as I love him. He is my one and only. When I was little I used to wonder when I was going to find my prince and fall in love. And for the first time to have a man love me and not hit me is something I thought would never happen. Then as a teenager I just accepted the fact that no man could ever love me. I mean a father is supposed to love his daughter. And when your father doesn't love you, you can't help but think that if your own father doesn't love you what man will. I thought it was me. But becoming friends with Eli and falling in love with him has taught me that I can love and be loved. I'm so happy to have Eli. I don't know what I would do without him. If I don't have him I wouldn't have a reason to stop my wrists from bleeding when I cut them. He's everything I could ever want or need. And I know tha-"

I was interrupted by Morty's horn honking. That car is so old its horn is ancient and could be recognized anywhere. I put my diary away and walked downstairs to the door. I was wearing black cut off short shorts with black fishnets under them, a black loose Dead Hand tee-shirt that fell over my shoulder, a red tank top, and black combat boots. When I opened the door I was so ready to see the emerald eyes I was in love with but instead I found myself connected with Adam's. Eli was still sitting in Morty with the music blaring, drowning out the world, which is totally not like him. Oh and did I mention that he hasn't been acting like himself lately. I don't know what's wrong but ever since Tuesday night he hasn't been himself at all. I don't get it. He was flirting with me and everything. Hell he even made the comment about going to the dance as Romeo to make his Juliet happy. And now he's ignoring my existence. I understand that I was ignoring him on Tuesday but that's just because I was trying to figure out how to ask him out, and I understand if he wants to get even, but it's been 4 days already. I know him very well and I know that he wouldn't be doing something was really wrong. I wish he would talk to me. Trust me I've tried, and he would just ignore that I asked him something or answer with as few words as possible. This was starting to get out of hand. I missed talking to him, I just plain missed him.

He wasn't being fair to me. And the worst part was that if I did do something to make him mad I had no idea what it was.

Adam-"Hey, you ready to go?"

He was standing there munching on a bag of Doritos, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Me-"Yeah, I'm ready just let me lock the door."

I locked it and stepped on to the porch. Adam gave me a nerve-wrecking look.

Me-"What?"

Adam-"You better bring some armor to protect your feelings; Dr. Doom in there is being a total dick."

He said it motioning to Morty.

Me-"Oh come one Adam it can't be that bad."

Adam-"Fine, wait and see for yourself."

Me-"Fine I will. And who knows maybe I can cheer him up."

Adam-"Yeah, I highly doubt it."

I just shrugged it off. And we walked to Morty. When we opened the door to get in I swear I went death. Eli was bobbing his head back and forth and texting someone. He never even noticed that we were standing there and trying to get in the car.

Me-"Hey Eli!"

He didn't hear me so I tried again.

Me-"HEYELI!"

Apparently he heard me because he turned the volume down. He slammed his phone down and turned to me with a harsh look on his face.

Eli-"What do ya'll want?"

I was so taken back that I couldn't even respond. I had never seen him like that and I hate to say it but when he snapped at me it reminded me so much of my father. I didn't say anything I just looked down. I was about to burst into tears and made up and excuse to run back in the house to steady myself.

Me-"I um I forgot my money I'll be right back." It was very hard to talk and sound like I was okay because of the big lump forming in my throat. I didn't dare wait for him to reply so I just turned around and walked all the way to the door with my head down. After I unlocked the door I walked up to my bathroom and stood in front of the mirror catching the tears with my hands. It couldn't believe how harsh and mean he was being. I understand if he was upset about something and that everyone gets angry. What hurt and scared me the most was how much it reminded me of my father. I never thought Eli could be that hostile and mean like my dad, but he could be. I realized then and there that I never wanted to see that side of Eli again. And if he didn't change back to the Eli I knew I would have to put him out of my life just like I did with my dad.


	9. Chapter 9

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 9

Adam's POV:

I can't believe what that asshole just did. Oh hell no. I was left standing there at Morty's door and Eli was just sitting in the front seat texting like nothing had happened. I slid into the seat and turned to face Eli.

Me-"What the fuck was that about?"

He turned to look at me like I was crazy.

Eli-"What?"

Omg he didn't even know what he did.

Me-"What? You want to know what? You are freaking being a dick face to everyone. You know how much Clare has been through and you know how much she cares about you and I and you treat her that way. I don't know if you've noticed but that girl has been through hell her entire life. It took her forever to be able to trust me and you because of what happened with her father. You know what happens when someone yells around her. Not only does it remind her of her father but it causes her to relapse and have and episode."

He looked at me shocked.

Eli-"What do you mean an episode?"

I started at him with disbelief.

Me-"I can't believe you don't remember. She told us both about this. Because of what her dad did to her every time someone yells and gets mad around her it makes her relapse and she spaces out and imagines that it's her dad freaking out on her. She doesn't realize that is the person who is yelling she thinks that it's her dad, and she goes back and relives a memory of her dad hitting her. You knew what happened, you know how fragile her emotions and her life are and you sit there being a total asshole to her. I don't give a shit how you treat me but you will treat her with respect."

Eli-"I'm sorry okay. It's just last night I had to have a "family dinner" with my mom and dad. And I just can't stand being a piece of furniture in their complicated lives."

I stared at him.

Me-"I understand but that is no reason to be mean to her."

Eli-"I know. I should go in a get her."

He went to get out of Morty but I stopped him.

Me-"No, right now she isn't going to want to talk to you. Let me go in and talk to her."

I got out of the car and went into Clare's house looking for her. I didn't find her but when I heard a bumb upstairs I went up there to look. She wasn't in her bedroom and I figured she was in her bathroom considering that the door was shut. I walked over to it and knocked.

Me-"Clare please let me in. I talked to Eli and he's really sorry"

She opened the door and I found myself staring into her blood shot blue eyes.

Clare-"Well, I don't care if he's sorry or not. He's being a complete asshole."

Me-"I know but he's going through a lot right now and he didn't mean it."

She moved me out of the way and started walking toward the door."

Me-"Where are you going?"

Clare-"I'm going outside, I'm going to go costume shopping and I don't give a damn what Eli says, he's not going to ruin this for me."

With that she left and I heard he slam the front door. Here we go. If I thought Eli could be mad I was sadly mistaken. Clare was like a freaking Fire cracker.

Clare's POV:

I was hurt. I admit that I was but I wasn't going to let Eli treat me that way and ruin my mood. I have been happy lately. I haven't been thinking about my dad and better than that I have actually stopped cutting myself and starting to like myself. And he is not going to ruin that for me because he had a rough night. I left Adam standing in my room and I marched right outside to where Eli was. I was going to tell him like it was and nothing was going to stop me. He was just sitting there with his head on the steering wheel. He looked up and saw that I was walking toward him so he got out of Morty and met me on the passenger side of him. I knew exactly what he was about to do. He was about to pull the whole "Clare I'm sorry I didn't mean to, it just slipped" but you know what I'm tired of it just slipping. I'm tired of people doing and saying what they want to me just because it slipped and I wasn't going to take it anymore…..from anyone.

Eli-"Clare…. I'm so-"

Me-"Stop. I didn't come out here to hear your apology or to hear an excuse. I came out here to tell you something."

Eli-"Ok…."

And with that I started.

Me-"ok number one I am not a door mat who you think you can talk to anyway you want. I am a smart, independent women and no one not even you _Elijah Goldsworthy _will talk to me like that ever again. Number two,I am your friend, I have been there for you through a lot and I don't deserve to be talked to like that. Number three, I don't care what kind of night you had you will treat me with respect just like I treat you. You know how much I go through and I have never talked to you that way, except for before I knew you. So if you can't treat me with respect I'm not going to bother to treat you with respect. Do you understand me?"

He stood there with a shocked look on his face before barely nodding.

I stepped aside and got in Morty. He stood there for a few minutes before following suit. We where only in there for a few moments before Adam got in.

Adam-"Oh Clare I closed and locked your door for you."

Me-"Thanks."

A few moments later Eli drove off and we began the worst day I have ever had since I met Eli and Adam.


	10. Chapter 10

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 10

Eli's POV:

Just kill me now. Today has been the worst day of my life. Not only was Clare ignoring me but she's mad at me also. I know I was wrong for yelling at her like I did, I even admitted it, we talked it out and I thought we were good, but apparently not. Anyways Adam and I were sitting outside the fitting room waiting for Clare to come out and show us costumes that she had been trying on for the last half hour. She had already tried on a bunch of costumes but they weren't for her. Then she came out in a very sexy and short vampire costume. The costume consisted of a very short black dress that hugged her body with a red bow between her breasts, red high heel boots, and then finally a black and red Dracula cape. She looked so hot and let me just say that when I saw her I think I hit puberty again. She walked out like a model, twirling around us so we could see the while costume. She stopped and stood in front of us with her hands on her hips.

Clare-"So what do ya'll think about this one?"

We both sat there speechless.

Adam-"Well, it's very um….ver-"

Me-"I like it." I said quickly and enthusiastically.

She looked pleased at first but then mad.

Clare-"Yeah, you only like it because I look like a stripper."

She then bent down right in front of my face to fix her boot. Did I mention that her dress was cut really low, and showed a lot of cleavage? Needless to say I was really turned on. She stood back up noticed my excitement and blushed. I was too captivated by her to even realize that my giant ass boner was bulging through my skinny jeans. She looked surprised at first but then she just laughed and walked away. My eyes were glued to her as she walked around the store looking at costumes. Shortly after she called Adam to come over to where she was.

Adam jumped up and tossed my Romeo costume in my lap.

Adam-"Cover yourself up man."

I then looked down and realized what he was talking about. SHIT! What was I going to do?

Clare's POV:

Okay so I was being a little tough, but I was upset. I really wasn't mad at him anymore, I was just having fun teasing him, and boy was it fun; especially when he got a boner. HA! I was a little surprised at first but it made me feel good to know that I caused him to get hard. Adam and I were currently pretending to look at costumes, while Eli sat with his costume in his lap looking horrified. We couldn't help but laugh.

Adam-"So, how are you going to do this?"

Me-"Oh, I'm not doing it today, I'm going to tell him at the dance."

Adam-"Oh, okay."

Me-"Yeah, but I do need to figure out how to get my costume home without him seeing it."

He looked at me a little confused and annoyed.

Adam-"You mean to tell me that you already have it picked out?"

Me-"Yeah."

Adam-"Ok. Then why have we been watching you try on costumes for the last 30 minutes?"

Me-"Because Eli has to believe that I'm buying my costume here."

Adam-"Gotcha, well where's your costume?"

Me-"It's at the dress shop down the street."

Adam-"Well, how are we going to get it to your house?"

Me-"I have an idea, follow my lead."

I walked back over to where Eli was sitting, and Adam followed. He looked like he was deep in thought.

Me-"Hey, I've decided that I'm going to get this one."

Eli-"Oh…okay."

I went to walk into the dressing room.

Me-"Eli, could you come in here please? I need to talk to you in private."

He just nodded and walked in. When he passed by me I saw Adam looking at me with pure confusion. I just winked at him and he mouthed an okay. When I turned around I saw Eli standing at my dressing room door, eyeing me up and down. I looked down and noticed that his boner had gone down but it was still there. I knew just what to do. I walked in the room and turned back waiting for him to come in.

Eli-"I'll wait out here."

I nodded and pulled the curtain closed. DAMN! I need to get him in here. I took off the cape and the heels. I just stood there thinking of how I could get him in there.

Me-"So, I just want to say that I'm sorry."

Eli-"For what"

Me-"For being mean to you today. I mean even though you were mean to me this morning, that's no reason for me to be mean to you all day."

Eli-"Don't worry about it. I deserved it."

Me-"Um… could you help me please?"

Eli-"Um, sure."

I had my back to the curtain and my hair lifted. I heard the curtain slowly open and then close. When he didn't come over and help me I spoke.

Me-"It's just really hard to unbutton and unzip this."

I heard him walk over to me extra slowly.

Me-"You don't deserve how I was acting. You're the best person I know. You've always been there for me when I needed you or anything for that matter, and I'm sorry."

I felt his fingertips move slowly at my neck unbuttoning it.

Eli-"Well, you don't deserve it either."

His fingers moved to the zipper and he started pulling it down slowly.

Eli-"You are the most loving, caring, and generous person I have and ever will meet. You have been through so much, and when I think about what I did to you I hate myself."

He was done with the zipper so I slid the dress off. It hit the floor leaving me in my red lacey boy cut panties with a matching bra.

Me-"You really think so?"

I got my pants off of the bench and slid them on.

Eli-"Yes, you're wonderful."

When they were buttoned and zipped, I turned around to face him, exposing myself in only a bra to him. His face was a mixture of joy but also being shocked. I looked up at his green eyes and saw love and lust. At first I was a little insecure, but I knew what I was doing and it was too late to back out now.

Me-"You're the best."

I gave him a hug. I could tell he was a little hesitant at touching me with my shirt off.

Me-"It's okay, just hug me."

He then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I buried my face in his neck, and he did the same into my hair. He began soothing me by rubbing his fingers up and down my sides. The way his fingers moved along my side, the way he snuggled into my hair was so addictive, and it was turning me on. With my past experiences I shouldn't even let myself close to him, physically or emotionally, but his pull on me was way too strong to fight.

I wanted to kiss him, to have him, everything. I wanted him in every human possible way. I didn't just want him I needed him. And I needed him now.

And then I did it.


	11. Chapter 11

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 11

Clare's POV:

Oh my damn! I can't believe I just did that. I didn't know what to do, I was frozen. I felt him pull back and I knew he didn't want that to happen. I pulled away and turned around to get my shirt so I could put it on. It was so quiet and I was dying to know what he was thinking. The silence was killing me, and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I was fumbling with my shirt when he finally spoke.

Eli-"Did you just kiss my neck?"

Oh damn. I hated confrontations. Um what do I do? Do I play it off or tell him the truth? 

Me-"Psst no?"

He gave me the biggest look of disbelief I had ever seen in my entire life.

Me-"Well, yeah but I didn't mean to. I was…..um I was just…"

He finished my sentence for me.

Eli-"Just caught in the moment?"

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Me-"Exactly I was just caught up in the moment."

I said a little too happily seeing the disappointment in his eyes. He looked really sad and I couldn't help but feel bad.

Me-"Well, I just…..i mean…I'm sorry." I said in defeat not finding the right words and letting my head fall down.

I could tell that he was truly upset, and I felt bad so saying that I was just caught up in the moment; but this was no place to admit my undying love for him. The forever long murderous silence was interrupted when he spoke.

Eli-"Don't be sorry. I get it, it was an accident."

Every second that I looked into his saddened eye it caused my heart to break more and more. I finally couldn't take the pain anymore so I just looked down. I waited for him to continue but he never did. He let out a aggravated sigh and just left. No goodbye, no hug, no nothing; just the ghastly black curtain closing behind him. I felt tears prickle at my eyes but I whipped them away and continued to get dressed. I left the dressing room in a dazed state to find Adam sitting outside the room waiting for me.

Adam-"Well, looks like you're plan worked."

If he only knew what really happened.

Me-"Not exactly the way I wanted it to." Adam stood up and walked over to me.

Adam-"Well, whatever happened it caused him to leave."

I just simply sighed. Apparently he noticed the distressed look on my face and gave me a "you better tell me everything that happened or so help me I will beat it out of you" look that only Adam could give.

Me-"He didn't leave flustered and problematic like I had planned, instead he left sad, and kind of annoyed."

Adam-"What happened?"

I could feel my cheeks heat up.

Me-"I kind of kissed his neck."

Adam's mouth fell to the ground.

Adam-"Really? Omg that's great."

Me-"Not really."

He looked at me as if I had just lost my head.

Adam-"And why not?"

Me-"Because after I kissed his neck I tried to play it off, and he knew better than my lies, so I told him I did but I didn't mean to and he said it was just a "caught in the moment thing", so I felt sad thinking that he didn't want it to happen until I saw his face and he looked sad, and I soooo wanted to just tell him that I loved him but I knew I couldn't because a dressing room is no place to tell someone you love them and then he was all like "its fine I get it" and then he just left without saying another word, and I'm just so frustrated an-" Adam cut me off.

Adam-"Whoa, overload just breathe." I took a few deep breaths before he continued.

Adam-"Just calm down, everything will be fine. Eli cares too much about you to do anything drastic. The dance is in a week, let's go get your dress, take it home and just chill."

And that's exactly what we did.

Eli's POV:

I should have known. I should had fucking known this was too good to be true. She was a hormonal teenage girl, she had told me before that she was a virgin; I mean she had done other stuff besides sex but still. And to top it all off here I was hugging her in only her pants and bra and I was rubbing her sides, so what can one expect? For her to get turned off? Of course not. She was turned on and acted on an impulse of the moment. At least that's what she agreed it was. I was sad and annoyed. Why the fuck did everything have to be so complicated? I liked her I think she likes me, we go out and everything is good. But no I can't even bring myself to ask her out or at least tell her I like her. I was such a pussy. But when you find the one and you love them more than anything else in the world what else are you to do except be scared? I was mad. No I was more than mad. On top of thinking that she didn't really want to kiss me I had this huge ass fucking boner that I had to take care of. So I just left. The thought of her helping me take care of my problem but left as soon as I thought it. how could I be so stupid, the girl doesn't even want to kiss me what makes me think she would want to help me with that?

I got in Morty and raced home, to where I knew I could be alone. My parents were, like always out of town and I wasn't expecting anyone. One I was inside I preceded to take a show and take care of my problem. I tried to keep Clare out of my thoughts but failed at my task. I then realized that the only way I was going to finish was if I thought of her, so I did.


	12. Chapter 12

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 12

Clare's POV:

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is Saturday the day of the Halloween Costume Dance, and let me just start by saying that this has been the most awful week of my entire life. It began last Saturday after Adam and I finally got my dress back to my house, we texted Eli and called him but he never answered. Let me just say that that alone put knots in my stomach, making me think he was mad. Secondly we tried again Sunday to see if he wanted to hang out and still nothing. We figured he was just busy and pushed it out of our minds. Well, then Monday morning comes rolling along with Adam and I waiting outside of my house to be picked up by Eli. And yup you guessed it he didn't show and we ended up having to walk to school. Now let me be clear that I really don't mind walking to school. I've done it a million times, but one thing I don't like is being forgotten; which is exactly what Eli's excuse was for not picking us up. Adam and I had been lucky enough to catch him at his locker for ummmm I don't know like 5 seconds before he made some excuse about having to meet a friend and then left. Not only was that bad but he avoided us all day and he ditched us at lunch. If you think that's bad, it gets way worse, this not only continued all day but it lasted all week. That is until Wednesday at lunch I found myself sitting alone. It sucked big time, not only was I just sitting there reading a book and trying not to seem alone, but I was thinking a million and one thoughts; mostly wondering if I was that bad of a person to have run them both off. Thankfully Adam showed up 15 minutes later making some excuse about being sick with an upset stomach, funny thing was that he kept mumbling to himself. I tried to understand but it was hopeless, that is until I heard him say something about Eli being a liar. I didn't know what he was talking about and I didn't even want to know. Then as if things could get worse, for the rest of the week every time we would run into Eli and be able to force conversation out of him Adam bailed within a few moments babbling about having to do something. I didn't know what was worse having no friends or dealing with this. I'm so glad the week is over. Adam's coming over around 6 today to get ready here. Yeah yeah yeah I know he's not a girl but he's the closest thing to a girlfriend I've got, I honestly don't know about Eli anymore. All I know is that I asked him if he wanted to hang today and he made up a mumbled excuse about having to help his mom and said that he would see us at the dance. I didn't even bother to ask him for a ride. God knows how that would have gone. I have no idea what has caused him to change, but it sucks big time. This new Eli needs to go back where he came from and give us back the old one. Not only is he distant the few times that we got to talk to him, he sounded so arrogant and cocky. I just wish I knew what was bothering him. Then maybe I could help and things could go back to the way they were but for now I'm ju-"_

*_Ding Dong*_

Damn it. Why am I always getting interrupted while I'm writing? I wasn't expecting anyone at this time. I then looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:05 and instantly knew that Adam would be here. FUCK!

I raced to the door and threw it opened. Adam stood there with bags overloading his arms.

Me-"Damn, are you moving in?" I giggled at his weighed down little body. He gave me a look that could kill.

Adam-"Could.. you..just…please…help…me?"

I walked forward to catch the bags he was about to drop.

Me-"Hell, did you just run a marathon? You sound like you're dying."

He laughed while stumbling in so I could close the door with my foot.

Adam-"No, it's called walking to your house with 50 extra pounds."

I know it wasn't funny but the way he said it sent me into a fit of giggles. I laughed so much my stomach hurt, and I guess my laugh was contagious because Adam was next to me on the floor within moments filling my empty house with laughter. Finally our laughter died down and I glanced at the clock, realizing that I needed to get in the shower as soon as possible.

Me-"okay, I don't mean to ruin our little fun, but it almost 6:15 we have to go get ready. We have to be there at 7:30 and I don't want to be late."

Adam-"True, go on and get a shower, I'm going to get all this shit upstairs." He smiled.

Me-"Okay."

I grabbed a few bags helping him out, and made my way to my bath room leaving them in my room. I turned the water on getting to the right temperature. I had to pee so I quickly sat down to do my business. As soon as I saw the blood I knew.

Me-"DAMNIT!"

Apparently Adam was in my room because I heard him knock on the door asking me if I was ok.

Me-"Yeah, just give me a moment please."

When I was done, I made my way under the sink looking for the product that I needed. When I pulled out the tampon box the bloody wash cloth and razor that I hadn't used in a month fell out onto the floor. I slowly picked it up remembering how good it felt to let the blood run out. I was pulled from my thoughts when Adam again asked if I was ok. That's when I noticed that the box was empty. Of course it would be, my period was early this month, and I wasn't expecting it, explaining why I hadn't bought any yet.

Me-"MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!"

That sent Adam off into frenzy mode and he threw open the door. He looked down at me squatting and looked at me like I was crazy. I shook the empty box at him and I swear I could hear the puzzle clicking together in hs head.

Adam-"Oh damn."

Me-"Yeah, I'm out and it's early. I don't know what to do. I don't have time to go get any."

He stood there for a moment like he was deciding what to do.

Adam-"Ok look, just get in the shower, I'll plug up the curling irons so they'll be hot and I'll run out and get you some."

I stood up and hugged him.

Me-"Are you sure?"

Adam-"Of course, it's the least I can do so you can get ready."

Me-"Well, what about you getting ready?"

Adam-"Oh please I took a shower at home. All I got to do is put my costume on."

I couldn't help but smile.

Me-"Thank you so much. I owe you big time."

I went to throw the empty box away.

Adam-"No biggie. Don't throw that away!"

I looked at him like he had lost it.

Adam-"You are going to be in the shower, and I can't very well call you for name, size, and so on."

Me-"Gotcha." I laughed and he nudged me toward the shower.

Adam-"Go on and make it quick, we got a lot to do."

Me-"Will do." With that he went into my bedroom. I figured he was plugging up the things we would need.

After a few moments later he called out to me telling me that he was leaving. I replied saying that I would see him soon.

I felt the water and it was perfect. I slid off my shirt and pants. Next my bra, right when I went to take off my panties I realized that I had forgotten to get myself a towel from my closet. DAMNIT! No one was going to be here so I quickly walked out into my bedroom into my closet and bent over looking for a towel. Then all of a sudden I heard an all too familiar voice behind me. I'm really having some shitty luck today.


	13. Chapter 13

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 13

_**Hey guys, mikayla here. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am SUPER excited for Christmas. I will have my own laptop, and my updates will be continuous. I will probably update either 3 or 4 chapters tonight, because I won't be able to next week, I'll be super busy getting ready for Christmas. I'll probably update either before New Year's or after. **_

Eli's POV:

_I needed to talk to her. I had waited too long. I know she doesn't understand why I have been avoiding her this week. I know she doesn't deserve it but its better this way. This way neither of us will get hurt. I want her to know that I care about her before everything goes down tonight. I would go see her but she's probably getting ready for the dance. Who gives a fuck I'm going._

I drove quickly to her house. This was going to be hard; probably the hardest thing I will ever have to do, but that's just the thing. I have to do it. I got out and made my way to her door. I knocked and stood there waiting. No answer. I rang her doorbell and knocked again….several times. Still nothing. I know I had no right to just enter her house on account of my actions lately, but I couldn't just stand there. What if she had hurt herself and was lying in her bathroom dying? When that thought occurred to me I practically broke the door down. I looked around and called out for her. No answer. I then made my way up the stairs and to her bedroom door. I swore that if it was locked I would break it down. I called out again but still nothing. I retch for the handle and it was unlocked I opened it and walked in.

Me-"Clare, I swear if you don't answer me I'll…" 

And that's when I saw her standing there. Well I wouldn't say standing; I guess you could call it bending. And with that bending over also came with the fact that her ass was right there out in the open. Very dirty thoughts came rushing in and I was lost.

I guess I startled her because she jumped and then grabbed a towel to cover her chest up. She turned around slowly and I found myself staring at her ever so red face.

Clare-"Um..Eli? What are you doing here?"

Me-"I um…. Well you see I was um…."

While I was trying to spit out my sentence she grabbed the house coat that was hanging on her closet door. With the towel hanging freely on her body she managed to get one of her arms in. She was doing really well if I do say so myself, that is until the towel fell and hit the floor. Let's just say that if things could get more awkward they just did. It all happened so fast it took me a moment to realize that her breasts were shinning out in the open. I slapped my hands over my eyes, spitting out apologies, I ran into the door frame trying to leave so I could give her some privacy, which caused me to fall down. All the while I hear her saying it was okay, and not to worry. When my back came in contact with the floor I didn't even try to get back up. I knew that with the fresh image of her breasts in my head and me not being able to see, I wouldn't even be able to sit up. After what seemed like forever I felt her next to me asking me if was okay. I didn't respond and I didn't realize that I hadn't even uncovered my eyes with my hands that is until she moved them for me. I opened my eyes and saw her kneeling over me. In that moment I knew that this would be harder then I had originally thought. I was so tempted to just grab her and kiss her with everything I had in me but I knew I could not. She was in love with another guy and I was her best friend, nothing more nothing less.

Clare-"Are you ok? It looked like you hit your face pretty hard on my door frame."

I couldn't help but laugh.

Me-"Yeah, I'm good." She helped me up. I stood there just staring at her and she did the same. I didn't realize we weren't speaking until she spoke up.

Clare-"So, how can I help you?"

Me-"Oh, I needed to tell you something."

Me-"I want you to know that no matter what happens I care about you. You are the best person I know and I'm super thankful to have had you in my life. Nothing will ever change that. Promise me that you'll never change no matter what."

I just stared into her eyes. This was our goodbye, and she didn't even know it.

Clare-"I promise. "

I smiled and let it go. I turned and left.

Clare's POV:

Ok so that was really weird. What the hell? I hadn't talked to Eli for longer than a minute all week and he just randomly pops up in my bedroom door frame to see my boobs and to tell me that he cares about me, he is super lucky to have had me in his life, and asked me to promise that I would never change. I couldn't help but feel like it was a goodbye. The sudden rush to have him near me came flooding in. I was saddened by the feeling that I wouldn't get to have him near me again. I got back in the shower and proceeded to take my bath. Adam was back before I got out. The only reason I know this is because right when I was rinsing off he banged on the bathroom door telling me to hurry up and that I had been in there for too long. I wasn't in the bath for as long as he thought but he didn't know that. I wrapped a towel around me when I got out. Apparently he heard me because he came knocking on the door. When I opened it there we was standing with a bra and panty set, my box of tampons and a Twix. That broke through the saddened daze that Eli had left and I couldn't help but laugh.

Me-"Thanks, but I'll eat it later."

He just smiled in return as I took my things from his hands and shut the door to do what I needed to. Once I was done I walked out into my bedroom to find Adam patiently waiting for me. He handed me my bath robe and I dropped the towel and took it.

_**Author's note: I know it seems a little weird for Adam to do her hair and makeup. In this story Adam is a ftm and his mom wants him to be a girl so when he was younger his mom would force him to watch her put on her makeup and do her hair, short of like lessons hoping that he would like it and want to be a girl again. So that's how he knows how to do all of it. lol **_

I sat down at my vanity where Adam had everything from curling irons to eye shadow set up ready to go. He began working on my hair, drying it then curling it. He would say something every once in awhile and I just nodded not really listening to whatever it was that he was saying, probably just trying to make conversation. The whole time he was getting me ready I was in a dazed like state. I wasn't really processing what was going on around me. I looked over and saw my dress out of its bag and hanging on the back of my closet door. My shoes sat just beneath it and I realized something drastic. I knew I loved Eli and I was pretty sure he loved me too. The signs had been there all along, the never ending flirting, the staring, the almost kisses. I knew within that second that I had to tell him. I hoped he would feel the same but what if he didn't? Would I get over it? Eventually I would feel a little better and tell everyone I was over it but deep down I knew I wouldn't be. He knew how he felt about me and nothing would change that. If he loved me he would love me no matter if I was wearing a beautiful dress or cutoff torn blue jean shorts. He would love me for me, and that was all it took. I realized that this was what I had been looking for all along. I didn't need to be beautiful for someone to love me. The real beauty is on the inside. So maybe my dad didn't love me, he had proved that to me and it was in the past. Sure it would be very hard and difficult to live with, but that's just it. You live with it. So my dad didn't love me. So my mom was spiraling out of control. So I didn't have that many friends, I had the things I needed. I had myself, my talents, Eli and Adam. So I was missing a lot; but I also had more than I could ever ask for. Not only did I have two wonderful people in my life, I had my life. Many people don't get the chance to live, but I did. I had the chance to live a life full of love and happiness no matter what it was lacking and there was no way in hell that I would let it slip through my hands. We as people can't control what god gives us, or what happens to us, all we can control is how we deal with it and move on.


	14. Chapter 14

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 14

_**Hey guys, I know I chatted with you in the last chapter but I just thought I would let you guys know that I am posting pictures on my profile in my bio. The first pic (and I know it's a little late) is of the sexy vampire costume that Clare tried on in the costume store. The second picture is the black dress that Imogen wears as a Juliet dress. The third picture is of Clare's Juliet dress. The fourth pic is of clares shoes to her Juliet dress. Enjoy: p**_

Eli's POV:

I was currently standing by the punch table listening to Imogen ramble on. We weren't dancing because she claims that she only dances fast not slow. So we are waiting for the slow songs to go off and the fast ones to come on.

Imogen-"Hey I'll be right back, I got to use the restroom."

Me-"Okay, I'll be waiting right here."

She walked off and I am left standing here looking like a creeper. Right when she left the song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift came on. I'm glad Imogen was gone, she would have pitched a fit. She hates country. I didn't really want to dance with particularly her but at least it would give me something to do. I was glancing around when my eyes were caught by something white. I looked to the door to see none other than Clare. She was wearing this beautiful white renaissance dress. Her hair was perfectly curled, everything about her looked perfect. I knew my mouth was dropped open, but I wasn't the only one that was gawking. Everyone was staring at her. She spotted me and made her way over to me. If there was heaven on earth this was it.

Clare's POV:

My head was spinning, my knees were shaking and I these heels I thought I was going to fall over any minute. Me and Adam were at the entrance to Degrassi. All I had to do was make it to the gym but I couldn't move.

Me-"I can't do this. Let's just go back home and pretend that we were never here."

Adam gave me a stern look.

Adam-"We're already here; we're not backing out now."

Me-"But everyone's staring at me."

Adam-"That's because you look beautiful."

Me-"psst, yeah right. But what if he rejects me?"

Adam-"No guy in their right mind would reject you. And if anything goes wrong I won't be far away. We'll leave and go home, watch movies and eat ice cream. But I promise I'll be with you every step of the way."

With that he took my hand in his and led me through the doors. We walked down the hall and I started losing my breath.

Me-"What am I going to say when I see him."

Adam-"I can't tell you that, only your heart can. Listen to it, it'll lead you the right way."

He opened the gym door for me and I walked in. Ironically the song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift came on as soon as I entered fully into the gym. If I thought I was nervous before I was wrong. Everyone was staring at me, judging me, I felt like I was going to pass out that is until I found his eyes staring at me like the others. Adam whispered that he would be over near the Dj and left me. I saw that Eli was alone, so I made my way over to him. The walk to him felt like an eternity but he never looked away. Once I got to him I felt rooted to the earth again. I didn't know what to say so I waited for him to speak.

Eli-"You look breathtakingly beautiful." I smiled.

Me-"Thank you."

I knew then that I had to tell him before another word was spoken.

Me-"I have to tell you something, and I don't want you to freak out when I tell you okay." He smiled

Eli-"Ok."

Me-"Ok….I L-"

Before I could finish my sentence this girl in this hideous black dress came up to us and looped her arm in his.

The girl-"Oh my gosh Eli, I've been looking for you everywhere."

Eli-"I've been right where I told you I would be waiting."

I totally felt like I was missing something.

Eli-"Oh um Clare…this is Imogen…..my girlfriend."

I couldn't process anything. I thought I was going to throw up. Since when did he have a girlfriend? This couldn't be happening. I had to be dreaming. I knew I would start crying soon and I didn't want him to see me cry. I needed an excuse and I needed it fast.

Me-"Oh, wow it's nice to meet you."

I held out my hand for her to shake it but she just looked at me like "yeah right".

Imogen tugged on Eli's arm.

Imogen-"Come on Eli, let's go dance."

Eli-"But Clare needs to tell me something."

Me-"Oh, it's not important now. I'll…um let you go." I turned around and walked away. Before I could even get a good 5 feet away I broke down completely. My makeup would soon be washed away but I didn't care. I couldn't handle being in this place one more second. I looked around for Adam but couldn't find him anywhere, so I ran. I took off and didn't stop until I was outside at the entrance steps and collapsed. I moved myself over to sit down and just let it out. It hurt A LOT. My heart was crushed and I couldn't believe it. Why did things like this keep happening to me? What did I do to deserve this much heartbreak? After a few moments my crying was interrupted by a guy.

Guy-"If he broke your heart that bad he doesn't deserve you." I looked up and saw a tall boy with sandy hair. I quickly went to wipe my eyes.

Me-"Yeah, and if he cared I wouldn't be crying at all. I don't deserve to be happy." He sat down next to me and held out a handkerchief.

Guy-"I'm Jake Martin." I smiled and took it.

Me-"Clare Edwards nice to meet you."

Jake-"Nice to meet you too."

We sat there in silence until he spoke.

Jake-"So, care to tell what's wrong?"

Me-"It's a long story and I wouldn't want to keep you."

Jake-"Trust me, no one is waiting for me."

Eli's POV:

Clare was just about to tell me something when that little bimbo walked up. what the fuck? Ok so we have been dancing for about 15 minutes and I haven't seen Clare anywhere. I told Imogen I needed to talk to Adam and that I would be back and I made my way over to him. He was helping the Dj.

Me-"Hey, have you seen Clare?"

Adam-"I thought she was with you?"

Me-"She was until my girlfriend got back from the bathroom and wanted to dance. Then she just up and left."

He looked at me like he could kill me.

Adam-"You dumbass. I'll go find her when my shift is over in 15."

Me-"Don't worry about it. I'm going to go find her and I'll bring her in here with you."

Adam-"Okay, you better hope she's okay, for your sake." After that I headed into the hall. Then I dashed into the bathroom. I was about to give up with I saw her sitting on the front steps with a guy.

Clare's POV:

Me-"And that's pretty much it."

Jake-"Wow, that was a lot."

I looked down at my lap.

Me-"Sorry."

Jake-"No. it's no problem at all and maybe I can help."

Me-"I'm listening."

Jake-"Basically it's the back and fourth game with you two right now. Maybe he likes you and doesn't think you like him, or maybe he's just not in to you. But there's a good way to find out."

Me-"Really, how?"

Jake-"You make him jealous. If he really likes you he won't be able to stand seeing you with someone else. Stop giving him your attention, give it to someone else and see if it doesn't bother him. The first stage of jealously is anger. He'll see you with someone else and get mad, preferably at you. Step two, he'll do everything he can to get your attention. Step three, he'll try to convince you that whoever your spending your time with isn't good enough for you. He'll try to get you away from that person."

Me-"Wow, that does make sense. Ok, so how do I make him jealous?"

Jake-"Flirt with another guy right in front of him, when he tries to make plans with you tell him you and the other guys is busy even if you're not. But it'll only work if you don't give in. You give in and it's game over."

Me-"I think I can do this. I just need a willing participant."

Right then Eli comes barging out the doors.

Eli-"Clare, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere."

Me-"Oh, hi Eli." I emphasized Eli so Jake would know that it was him.

Me-"Why on earth would you be looking for me? I'm fine."

Eli-"Well, you sort of ran off, and I couldn't find you."

I was tired of putting my heart out there and having it broken; it's time to get even. I laughed.

Me-"I ran off cause I had to pee." He gave me a doubtful look.

Eli-"Then why does it look like you've been crying?"

Me-"If you must know, I smashed my finger in the stall door. I went to my locker and got a band aid and I came out here."

Eli-"Okay, well is this guy bothering you."  
>Here it was, time for my plan.<p>

I simply rolled my eyes.

Me-"No he's not bothering me, he is my boyfriend."

I looked up at Jake hoping he would play along.

He smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 15

Eli's POV:

What the hell? Since when did Clare have a boyfriend? Well, I guess I don't deserve to be mad at her because I basically did the same thing, but still it hurts. All this is bull. I and she are meant to be together and here she is with a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend that I can't stand. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I believe my mouth dropped to the floor. I was just standing there staring at her; I mean what was I supposed to do? Congratulate her…no.

Me-"That's great…I'm really happy for you."

She looked at me a little surprised.

Clare-"Really?"

Me-"Yeah, you're my best friend I want you to be happy."

For a moment she looked like she didn't know what to say, but like Clare always does, she recovered quickly and answered me. 

Clare-"Well, thanks that means a lot."

Me-"No problem." She barely smiled at me and didn't say anything.

I didn't know what else to say so I just stood there for what seemed like forever until her boyfriend answered.

Jake-"Well, Clare and I were just on our way in to dance."

Clare-"Yeah we were so I'll talk to you later at the after party that is if you're going?"

I really wasn't in the mood to watch Jake flirt and dance with Clare but I figured it would be a great way for me to keep an eye on her.

Me-"Yeah, Imo wants to go, and I promised her we would."

She looked pleased but disappointed to, which is something that I didn't understand. Both Clare and her boyfriend stood up.

Clare-"Well, I'll see you later then, bye."

Then they left me there with a million and one thoughts in my head.

The biggest thought was that I was right, she didn't love me, and she loved someone else. And nothing could change that.

Clare's POV:

After Jake and I left Eli standing on the front steps we made our way back to the gym. I knew I had to tell Adam. If Eli was to say anything to him about me having a boyfriend, Adam would tell him that it was just either a ploy of some kind or a joke, and I really didn't need that.

I explained to Jake what I needed to do and he agreed. I was looking for Adam when I spotted him at the Dj booth. I decided I better tell him alone. Jake agreed with that too. Jake went to the restroom while I told Adam. I was making my way over to Adam when I was pulled to the left by Eli.

Me-"Can I help you?"

He acted like he was really nervous. I was so scared that he was going to ask me about Jake. If he did everything would be ruined because I knew I wouldn't be able to lie if he pleaded.

Eli-"Yeah, I was wondering if you would dance one dance with me. You know for old times' sake."

I would love to, but I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea. If he held me I would probably tell him my feelings despite that he has a girlfriend. And did I forget to mention that she looks fierce and evil? Lol.

Me-"Sure I'd love to." He smiled his genuine smile and took my hand leading me to the dance floor. As soon as we got to it the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri came on. I loved this song, it described perfectly how I felt for him.

It was a slow fast song but we danced slowly. I place my hand on his shoulder while he placed his on my waist. Then we interlocked hands and began dancing.

_~Heart beats fast, colors and promises, how to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall, but watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow, one step closer, I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid, I have loved you, for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more~_

We locked eye contact, and never let it go.

_~Time stand still, beauty I know she is, I will be brave, I will not let anything take away, what's standing in front of me, every breath, every hour has come to this, one step close, I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more~_

I laid my head on his chest and breathed in taking in his sent. It was comforting to know he was here with me.

~_And all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more, one step closer, one step closer~_

Eli-"Clare, you know I care about you right?"

I looked up at him.

Me-"I know."

I looked down at our feet, because as much as I wanted to believe it I knew he would never care about me the way I cared about him.

_~I have died everyday waiting for you, darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more, and all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more~_

The song ended so we stopped dancing. He gave me this look that I had never seen on him before and then he thanked me for the dance and left. It took me a moment but then I shook it off and returned to Adam.

Once I got to him he was going on his break.

Me-"Hey, I need to talk to you."

Adam-"I saw you dancing with Eli, so I'm guessing everything worked out?"

Me-"Kind of the opposite actually. I was really upset after I found out that Eli had a girlfriend so I went outside to get some air, and I met this really nice guy…."

Adam-"oh come on, please don't tell me that you like this guy now and not Eli."

Me-"No way, anyways we were talking and he told me that I should make Eli jealous, so I kind of asked this guy if he would be my pretend boyfriend to make Eli jealous. What do you think?"

Adam-"I think you're crazy. All you're going to end up doing is causing more drama than you and Eli already have. Why don't you just go tell Eli how you feel and get it over with?"

Me-"Because he has a girlfriend."

Adam-"So, who cares? You love him, you need to tell him."

Me-"I can't he has a girlfriend, that means he doesn't like me. He likes her, I can tell."

Adam-"Whatever, but I really think that you shouldn't use this new guy to make him jealous."

Me-"Oh come on Adam, live a little. Besides I have the situation under control, nothing is going to go wrong. I am going to use Jake to make Eli jealous, and once everything falls into place, everything will be fine. I just know it."

Adam-"I don't know, I really think you should just tell him."

Me-"I can't ok."

Adam-"What did I tell you about listening to your heart? Follow it, it'll never lead you to do the wrong thing."

Me-"I don't know what my heart is saying, but my mind is telling me to do this and I'm going to." He was pissing me off so before he could say anything else, I left to go find Jake. After looking I found him getting some punch.

Jake-"So what did your friend Adam say?"

Me-"He says that it's a bad idea and that I should just tell Eli how I feel, but I can't do that. My heart couldn't handle the rejection if he didn't feel the same."

Jake-"Adam just doesn't want either of you to get hurt. This is your problem, do what you want to do."

Me-"Oh I will, and right now I want to dance."

Jake smiled and led me to the dance floor.


	16. Chapter 16

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 16

Eli's POV:

Ok this was pure torture. I was currently watching Clare grind on her so called "boyfriend" and it was driving me nuts. Imogen and I were on the dance floor dancing too. She was trying to grind on me but I wasn't really into it. I kept taking her hands and spinning her around to keep her off of me. I guess she wasn't really getting the message because no matter how many times I would spin her she would find a way to wiggle her body against me. Why was this bothering me so much? Because she wasn't Clare. Because my mind was preoccupied with the image and thoughts of Clare grinding. Even though she was wearing a prim and proper dress she still looked as sexy as ever. She was killing me, I was super jealous and addicted to the way her body was moving. I just wish she was moving like that on me. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this much longer. She was killing me, and she knew it. If she was allowed to make me jealous then I was allowed to do the same thing. I guess that's what caused me to grab Imogen's hips and pull her body dangerously close to mine.

Clare's POV:

I was doing everything in my power to make him drool, and dare I say it was working. I was dancing worse than a stripper but I didn't really mind; the look on Eli's face was enough for me to continue. Anyone could tell that Imogen was the last person Eli wanted grinding on him; and for the first beginning of the song he kept her away. But then he got this real mischievous look on his face. And that's when he decided to play along. He pulled her body close to his, and began rocking his groin into her butt. I knew he was doing it to get a rise out of me and it did, but I knew I had to keep from showing it. The last thing I wanted was for that little stuck up bitch to be rubbing up on the guy I loved. It made me so mad I could have ripped her head off. I knew I could keep myself under control and that's what I did. I continued to grind on Jake for as long as I could until I began to feel the burn in my legs grow. I turned to face him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. The whole time I was looking at Eli and I swear he looked like he was about to crack.

Me-"Hey, you want to get something to drink? My legs need a break."

Jake-"Sure."

I grabbed him by the hand and led him off the dance floor to get something to drink. We weren't able to make it to the punch table because when we passed Eli and Imogen she stuck out her foot and caused me to trip. I almost fell but luckily Jake was able to grab me around the waist, which kept me from hitting the floor, but which also placed us in a really "bad position", if you get what I'm saying. That little bitch! He pulled me up back to a standing position, and she just stood there looking at me with a amused look on her face.

Me-"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Both Eli and Jake just stood there with shocked looks on their faces. They knew that hell was about to break loose.

Imogen-"Ooops."

Me-"That's all you're going to say?"

Imogen-"Oh well there is one more thing. If you can't walk in those shoes you don't need to wear them."

Oh, no she did not!

Me-"Who the hell do you think you are?"

Imogen-"Someone better than you."

That was it. I couldn't handle it anymore. I lunged at her. I was able to get a fist full or hair and about 3 punches to the face in before I was pulled off of her. Jake had me pulled off of her and Eli was kneeled down next to her making sure she was ok.

Me-"Yeah, that's right Eli make sure she's ok, it's not like you care anything about me!"

She was sitting, and she had blood running down her face from her nose. She whipped her nose and then looked down at her hand finally realizing that she was bleeding.

Imogen-"You crazy bitch!"

Me-"Think what you want but remember that if you ever cross me ever again it'll be a lot worse than that, and there won't be anyone to pull me off of you. I promise."

Eli was giving me this hostel look and with that Jake pulled me outside. He walked me along to his red truck and helped me in. We sat in silence before he spoke.

Jake-"I'm sorry that that had to happen, you didn't get to finish dancing." He looked at me with a sincere look.

Me-"It's all good, the dance was almost over anyways. But if you want to party some more there is going to be an after party that we could go to."

Jake-"Sure that sounds great."

Me-"We have a little time before it starts and I was wondering if you could take me home so I could change into something not so long."

He smiled a sweet smile.

Jake-"Sure."

Eli's POV:

After making sure Imogen was okay, I went to find Adam. I really wanted to go find Clare but I knew that Jake would have her. I left Imogen in the girl's bathroom and I promised to meet her at Morty after I was done with Adam. I found Adam outside on the front steps trying to call Clare. He wasn't having much luck because apparently Clare had turned her phone off. Great this is just great. Once he was done he turned to me.

Adam-"This is just great!"

Me-"What's wrong?"

Adam-"Ha! Like you really don't know? Thanks to you and your "girlfriend" Clare fled with a guy she barely knows."

That one shocked me.

Me-"What are you talking about?"

Adam-"You really don't know do you?"

I gave him a blank stare.

Adam-"Because of you and your "girlfriend" Clare felt the need to also have a "special someone" so she picked up the first guy she could find aka….Jake."

Me-"So you're saying that she doesn't know anything about this guy and she was just grinding on him and everything?"

Adam-"Duh!"

Me-"Why would she do that?"

Adam-"Why don't you ask her?"

Me-"I would if I knew where she was."

Adam-"I don't know where she is right now, but earlier she told me that she was going to the after party. You might want to check there."

Me-"What am I going to do with Imogen?"

Adam-"I don't know, she is your girlfriend. Just get rid of her and I'll meet you at Morty in 5 minutes."

Me-"Ok, good idea."

I left Adam and went to find Imogen. I found her outside leaning up against Morty. I still didn't know what I would say to her. Do I tell her I used her since the beginning or do I tell her I'll take her home and see her later? I guess I better hurry up and decide. She looked up from her phone.

Imogen-"Hey baby."


	17. Chapter 17

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 17

Clare's POV:

Everything was going as planned. I was currently in my room trying to find something to wear. I wanted it to be as sexy as possible, and I wasn't having that much luck. I finally found the perfect dress in the far back of my closet where it had been hiding from my mother. If she had saw it, well let's just say I'd never be allowed outside of the house ever again. It was a strapless sweetheart neckline sequin dress, with a thin leather belt that quenched in the waist. I paired it with my shiny black pumps that had a sequined bow on the toes. It was perfect. I fixed a few curls that needed it and re applied some more dramatic make up. When I was dressed as Juliet I tried to keep it simple and natural, I wasn't wearing anything except nude lip gloss and some simple mascara. Now I was heading in a different approach. I added some more face powder, along with black eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara. I finished it off with my favorite blood red lip stick. Not to be bragging but I thought I looked really hot. I grabbed my black clutch and headed for the door. I closed and locked my door, when I turned around I found Jake leaning up against his truck playing some game on his phone. When he looked up and saw me his mouth dropped. I smiled shyly and approached him. I couldn't help but feel bad, he was kind of cute and sweet and I was using him. But he did agree with this whole idea, so I wasn't all at fault.

Jake-"Wow, you look super sexy."

Me-"Thanks."

He opened the door for me and I climbed in. He followed suit and we were on our way to the after party. I didn't know what was going to happen, or what might be said, but I knew that I was going to drink and have a good time.

Eli's POV:

Talking to Imogen was easier than I thought it was going to be. Her mom had called and wanted her home then. I explained to her that Adam would be riding along because he had to be home too, and so did I. Okay, so I lied a little white lie, but it was better than dealing with her wrath if I had told her I was going to the after party. As we all know she doesn't really like Clare, and if she knew I was going where Clare would be without her all hell would break loose. After dropping her off at her house, Adam and I made a bee line for the after party. It was going to be at some rich jock dude's house, meaning there would be a lot of room for a lot of people. Which meant it would take some time trying to find Clare. The after party started at 12 and it was now 12:45 so it had been going on for a while. I just hoped Clare would still be sensible by the time we got there. We pulled up to the mansion and there were cars everywhere. Great this should be fun. Adam and I were on a mission to get Clare away from Jake and home, and at least talk to her. We knew this would be a challenge, but we weren't going to give up. I parked Morty along the road and made our way to the house. The party hadn't been going on for an hour and there already were red solo cups littering the front yard. There were toilet paper rolls hanging from the front yard trees, a few people passed out on the lawn and in lawn chairs, while couples hooked up in cars. Walking by them I looked in to make sure none of them were Clare. Nope, okay all good. If she was here she had to be inside. We made our way to the front door which was standing wide open. There were people everywhere. We pushed and shoved making our way into the house. We decided to split up and look everywhere. Adam took downstairs and I took up stairs. I walked up the stairs and when I made it to the rooms I just started opening door, many rooms were occupied with couples, hooking up, but some were empty. While in the middle of my search Adam came bounding up the stairs and informed me that he didn't find her. We were about to give up when we heard everyone screaming and whooping. We could tell it was coming from downstairs so we made our way down the stairs. As soon as we got past the second floor we looked over to see none other than Clare herself standing on the kitchen bar dancing. She had a bottle of Yeager in her hand; she was wearing a very short and tight black dress, and dancing like a stripper. Adam's mouth was dropped and all I could say was "Holy Shit". We quickly made our way down the rest of the stairs and through the crowd that was gathering around her. We finally made it to the front and I very quickly understood why there were so many guys sitting there. If you looked up you got the perfect view of Clare's bright red lacey panties. The thought alone of some other guy seeing her panties pissed me off, but seeing the lustful looks on their faces made me furious. I wished I could have beat the shit out of every one of them but I knew that it would just cause a big fight and I didn't need that. I climbed up on one of the empty bar stools and made my way onto the bar. As soon as I walked over to her she backed into me, grabbed my hands and placed them on her hips, placed her arms around my neck, and began grinding into my very sensitive area. I kept my arms still and did NOT move my hips. I looked down at Adam and gave him a "please help me now" look. He nodded and turned round walking away. I had no idea what he was going to do, but then I saw him make his way over to the stereo that was blaring music. It took him a minute but he pulled out a cord, making the music stop. Everyone started yelling, but it got Clare to stop dancing. She let go of me and turned toward the stereo.

Clare-"Hey! WHAT THE HELL? I AM TRYING TO DANCE HERE."

Me-"Clare, it's me Eli."

She turned to look at me shocked.

Me-"We need to talk."

She gave me this look but nodded. I climbed back down the stool and onto the floor. I turned back around to take her hand and the bottle of Yeager from her. I shoved it at someone not caring who it was. I helped her step down off of the stool and onto the floor. The music had been turned back on, so I took her hand and led her outside.


	18. Chapter 18

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 18

Clare's POV:

I wasn't really that drunk, I guess you could say I was buzzed, but that was about it. I was partying it up on a bar, when someone got up there with me. I didn't care; I just grabbed a hold of them and started grinding on them. I was currently grinding on this person when the music suddenly stopped. That pissed me off. I was ranting and raving when the person behind me that I had been dancing on spoke up. It was Eli; it just had to be him. Out of all people at that party it just had to be him. He told me we needed to talk so instead of disagreeing and having a fight with him I agreed. He helped me off of the bar, and led me outside. Here we go.

Eli's POV:

As soon as I got her somewhere quiet I let it out.

Me-"First of all what the hell are you doing here at this party, dancing on a bar, and with a guy you barely know?"

Clare-"What the hell are you talking about? First of all, seeing as how you are my friend and not my mother I can go to any party I want and drink as much as I want. Number two, seeing as how Jake is my boyfriend I'm pretty sure I know him."

I sarcastically laughed.

Me-"But that's just the thing, I'm your friend and I care about you. And you don't know him because he isn't your boyfriend. He's just some guy you picked up at the dance that you barely know. And I don't want you hanging out with him."

Clare-"Excuse me? Number one I will hang out with whoever I want to. And secondly you can date whoever you want to, so so can I."

With that she walked off. This was not good, and that didn't go the way I planned. I made my way back inside finding Adam. He was standing in the door way of the living room and the kitchen.

Me-"What are you doing just standing here?"

Adam-"What are you talking about? I was waiting for you to finish talking to Clare."

Me-"Well, I wasn't even able to get anything across to her before she ran off."

Adam-"WHAT? Why did you just let her run off?"

Me-"It's not like I could really stop her. Apparently it wasn't such a good idea to talk to her about her "fake boyfriend". She denied the whole thing, saying that he was her boyfriend, and that I dated who I wanted so she would do the same thing."

Adam-"God, you really are stupid."

Me-"Could you stop bashing me and help me find her?"

Adam-"Yeah, I'll check down here and outside, you take upstairs."

After that we left to go our separate ways.

Clare's POV:

I couldn't believe him. How could he be so selfish? He was dating that stupid mean bitch and I couldn't date who I wanted? What the hell? I mean I know I wasn't really dating Jake but still. And I don't know how he found out that we weren't really dating. I bet Adam told him. Remind me to kick him in the balls later. Right now I was on my way to find Jake and go home. I was tired emotionally and physically, and all I wanted to do was get out of these heels, dress, and make up and climb into my bed. I finally found Jake upstairs in one of the bathrooms that connected to a bedroom. I waited outside until he was done. He came out and stood next to me. I told him what had happened and he didn't act like he liked that too much. He agreed to take me home so we made our way out of the party and to the truck. I didn't care where Eli was, all I cared about was making it too my bed. Jake dropped me off at home and promised to text me the next day. I agreed and fleeted into my empty house. The first thing I did was get me something to eat. I was really hungry, and even though I didn't drink that much I still needed food in me. After eating I made my way to my bed room, and decided that a long hot shower was just what I needed. After I was finished I grabbed a book and climbed into bed. I was just about to doze off when I got a call from Eli. I didn't really want to talk to him considering how rude and conceded he was earlier, but if I didn't answer he would just keep calling.

Me-"Hello?"

Eli-"Oh my god, I've been trying to get in touch with you for like ever. Are you okay? Are you home? Are you safe?"

After hearing his worried voice I felt really bad for not answering any of his earlier calls.

Me-"I'm fine, Jake brought me home, I just got done eating and taking a shower. And yes I'm safe."

Eli-"Good, you scared Adam and me to death."

Me-"I'm sorry but look can we talk about this some other time I'm really sleepy."

Eli-"I guess so. How about tomorrow afternoon at The Dot for coffee?"

Me-"Sure that sounds great. I'll see you then, goodnight."

Eli-"Goodnight Clare."

That's the way the call ended and I do have to say that he sounded truly sad when it did. I knew I told Eli I was going to go to bed and I was but I needed to call Adam real quick. After a few rings he picked up.

Adam-"Hey…Clare." He almost sounded hesitant and scared.

Me-"Hey, I know you told him."

Adam-"I know, I'm sorry."

Me-"Why did you tell him?"

Adam-"I'm sorry, I was scared for your safety. You left with a guy you barely knew and Eli was the only person there that I knew that had a car."

I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I had to do it. If I wanted this plan to work, I was going to have to keep all the secrets to myself.

Me-"It's okay, I forgive you. And yes he was just some guy that I chose to make him jealous, but I really got to know him tonight, and I really like him."

Ok so hate me if you will, but yea I just lied to Adam. I did really get to know Jake tonight but I didn't like him like that at all. The only way I liked him was as a friend, or maybe in the future a brother like figure, but never anything more.

Adam-"But, what about Eli?"

Me-"What about him?"

Adam-"You love him and I'm pretty sure he loves you back."

Me-"Adam come on be realistic. He has a girlfriend. He doesn't love me and never will. I can't be stuck on him forever. I need to move on and Jake is the perfect way to. He's sweet, nice, caring, and he makes me happy."

Adam-"But Eli does all that AND more. You love him and you barely know this Jake guy."

Me-"Adam I realize that I love Eli, but he doesn't like me like that, he made that pretty clear tonight. I have finally found a guy that cares about me, and I think I could love him within time. We could be happy together and I'm not letting that go."

I felt bad lying, but it had to be done. There was no way in hell that I would ever be with Jake like that, or let that Imogen bitch have Eli. And I most definitely would NOT ever get over Eli but it needed to be said. I know you may think I'm stupid for going through all this bullshit, just to make Eli jealous. But it was the only thing I could do now. I couldn't go up to him and tell him my feelings especially when his bitchy girlfriend would be there with him. I had this all mapped out in my head, I just hoped everything would go along as planned.

Adam-"Ok, if you say so."

He sounded really upset, so I decided to end the conversation before his sadness could convince me to tell him the truth.

Me-"Yeah, well I got to go. I need my rest if I'm going to meet Eli tomorrow for coffee and explain this all too him."

Adam-"Wait you're going to tell him?"

Me-"Not the part about me loving him, just that Jake wasn't really my boyfriend, and that I just asked him to dance cause I was lonely, and that I really like him. He can't know that I love him and I did it to make him jealous. Can you imagine how that would go? He would hate me forever."

Adam-"Oh ok, well whatever you say I guess."

Me-"Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight."

Adam-"Night."

And with that the plan was put back into motion.

_**Hey guys, brooke1994 here. So as I was writing this I realized that I didn't really know how I felt about how this was going. I mean I already have all the BIG events planned out and I know how I'm going to make the story get to those events but somethings I'm just not really sure about. I would really love to hear your thoughts and opinions. It would help me out bunches. I think I'm going to reread this whole story and see how well it flows and see what I think about it then. I do hope you guys are enjoying it. But if you have some advice or ideas or something that you think should be changed then just review and tell me. I love reading all of your reviews and I'm really desperate for advice right now. Thanks **_


	19. Chapter 19

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 19

Eli's POV:

As soon as I got off the phone with Clare I tried calling Adam but his line was busy. Finally after 45 minutes I was able to get through. I know this whole "dating Imogen" was just a ploy so I would have someone when Clare went to the dance with her boyfriend, but a lot has changed. For starters, I found out that Jake isn't even her boyfriend, two she barely knows him, and three that means she lied to me about it. I didn't care anymore if she rejected me I was going to tell her how I felt tomorrow when we got coffee. And that's exactly what I told Adam. He agreed with me and told me it was about damn time that I take action. But I mean honestly what are you supposed to do when you're in love with someone, you don't know how they feel, and you're scared of rejection? Play it off, be cool. That's what you're supposed to do, but not anymore. I was going to get her alone and tell her everything. I was going to tell her how Imogen wasn't really my girlfriend, how I only used her so I would have someone, and most importantly I was going to tell her that I loved her. That I love everything about her; her laugh, her smile, her eyes, the way she bites her lips when she's thinking hard about something. I loved everything about her and I was going to tell her.

Clare's POV:

The next morning I woke up by a phone call from Eli asking me if we were still meeting for coffee. I agreed and told him that I would get ready and head on over. Before hanging up he insisted that he come pick me up, so I agreed. I was currently dancing around in my room applying the finishing touches to my outfit when my doorbell rang. After grabbing my black cross body purse, I practically ran to the door and flung it open. I was ready to see him and his big green eyes, and there he was standing there, handsome as ever. I took a second to check him out, and as usual his ever so famous smirk flashed across his face.

Eli-"Checking me out today are we Edwards?"

Me-"Yes, I was checking to see if you have two left feet, because you couldn't dance last night worth a damn." What can I say? He was a kick ass dancer, but I needed a good comeback.

He took a step into the door way and was super close to my face. I was intoxicated by everything that was him; his eyes, his smell. Everything.

Eli-"Well, I didn't hear you complaining." His breath washed over my face coating me with the smell of his mouth wash. I couldn't think let alone breath.

Me-"Well, I um…..I was…um preoccupied with something." All he did was smirk.

Eli-"I get that. Should we be going?"

I snapped out of the trance when he backed away from me.

Me-"Um…yeah let's go."

I shut my door and locked it behind me. We made our way to Morty, and Eli opened the door for me. As soon as he got in we were on our way to The Dot. There was an awkward silence as he drove. Kind of like when something really embarrassing happens between you and someone and you have to be alone with them. Nothing really embarrassing had happened though. The tension in that hearse was so thick I thought I would choke on it. I had to get away from it. I was super close to jumping out of the door when Eli broke the silence.

Eli-"So, I was thinking, instead of sitting at The Dot how about I go in and get our coffee and then we can head over to the park and sit outside."

I was a little surprised by his request, but happy none the less.

Me-"Sure, I'd like that."

We pulled up to The Dot and he cut the engine. I went to get out but he stopped me.

Eli-"No, you wait here I got it."

Me-"Okay, but you don't know what I want."

Eli-"White chocolate mocha latte, with two sugars."

Me-"I stand corrected."

I laughed and so did her. He got out and made his way in. I could tell it would be a few minutes based on the line. So here I was sitting in Morty bored with nothing to do. I pulled down the sun visor and checked my hair; everything was as it should be. After putting the visor back up I just sat there looking around for something to do. I remembered from one day when Adam, Eli and me were hanging out in Morty at the park that Eli always kept some books in the back for quick reads, so I decided to grab one to help pass the time. I leaned over the back seat and felt around until I felt a book. I pulled it up and realized that it was my favorite; Romeo and Juliet. I engrossed myself in the book, getting lost in a fairyland.

Eli's POV:

I paid and walked out of the Dot to find Clare completely lost in her favorite book. I just stood there for a moment taking it all in. she looked breathtaking. They way she sat there with her hair tucked behind her ear, legs pulled close to her chest, eyes shining with the images dancing in her head of the fairytale land of Romeo and Juliet. She looked perfect, my kind of prefect. I didn't want to stand there and chance her looking up and seeing me stand there staring at her like a creeper so I made my way over to Morty and got in. She peacefully looked up, closed the book and put it down.

Me-"Here you go malady." I handed her her coffee.

She took it with a warm smile on her face.

Clare-"Why thank you kind sir."

With that we made our way to the park. It was fall so the leaves where just starting to change colors and fall off. I pulled Morty under the big oak tree that we always parked under when we hung out here. I out Morty in park and we both got out walking over to "our" bench that was placed in front of the tree. We sat down and I began.

Me-"So, I really want and need to talk to you."

She looked at me with pleading and curious eyes.

Clare-"Ok."

Me-"I want you to know that Imogen doesn't mean anything to me. She's not important, she's just a girl that doesn't mean anything compared to you."

She didn't say anything she just sat there for a moment; I guess she was taking it all in.

Clare-"What do you mean she doesn't mean anything compared to me? She's your girlfriend; of course you care about her."

Me-"Yes she is my girlfriend, but she doesn't mean anything. I used her for the wrong reasons, but she doesn't mean anything to me. She's no you."

She sat there for a minute, and then opened her mouth to speak but before she could her phone rang.


	20. Chapter 20

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 20

Clare's POV:

Okay so maybe me admitting my feelings to Eli may happen sooner than I thought. Here we were sitting on our bench under our tree and he was telling me the things I longed to hear him say for so long. He started off by telling me that Imogen wasn't important, and that she didn't matter to him. That she was nothing compared to me. He told me that he used her, and that it was for the wrong reasons but it didn't matter because she was nothing compared to me. I was taking this all in and was about to respond when I heard my phone ring. I moved my hands over my pockets and realized that it was in Morty.

Me-"Sorry, once second please, it might be my mom."

He gave me a sincere smile.

Eli-"Sure, take all the time you need."

I got up and made my way over to Morty. I had to dig down in my bag before I found it and it wasn't my mom but it was Adam.

~Phone Call~

Me-"Hey Adam what's up?"

Adam-"Nothing much, I know you're busy with Eli right now but I was wondering if you and him wanted to hang today and go to the movies or something?"

Me-"Yeah, sure I'd love that. I just need to ask him."

Adam-"Okay, cool. So what are you guys doing?"

Me-"Well, we just got our coffee, and now we're at the park. We were actually talking when you called."

Adam-"Oh, god I'm sorry. I know last night he told me he had a lot of important stuff to tell you."

Me-"He did?"

Adam-"Yeah, and from what I gathered it's going to be all good."

Me-"OMG, I hope it's what I think it's going to be."

Adam-"Yeah me too. You guys need to get together and move on to something new. But anyways good luck and I want a full phone call report after it's over with okay."

Me-"Okay, I promise. Bye."

Adam-"Bye."

With that we hung up. I was just about to hit the end button when I dropped my phone and it bounced up under the front seat. Great I thought, right when the guy I love is about to tell me he loves me my phone wants to play hide and seek. I bent down to find it, pushing my hand up under the seat and feeling around. Right when my hand landed on my phone it also landed on something soft and small. I pulled my phone out and went back for the thing I felt. When I pulled it out I couldn't believe my eyes. That asshole. I couldn't believe it. My heart was shattered more if that was possible after everything that I had been through. I looked over to where he was sitting on the bench and it looked like he was on the phone with someone. I couldn't think or speak; I guess that's why I grabbed my purse and walked off; away from him.

Eli's POV:

I don't know who Clare was on the phone with but it seemed like right after she hung up I got a call from Adam. He told me that he invited Clare and I to the movies later. I told him it all depended on how things went with her. If she felt the same then yeah, I would love to go. But if she didn't feel the same it might be a little awkward to go to the movies. He wished me good luck with everything and I hung up. After I put my phone on silence and back in my pocket, I turned toward Morty to see what Clare was doing; that's when I saw that she was gone. I looked around and I saw her walking away from the park and me. I got up and chased after her. I couldn't let her leave; I needed her to hear this right now.

Clare's POV:

I knew he would come after me, but I didn't walk away because I knew he would follow. I walked away because I was hurt and confused. But as I expected he did come after me, yelling and everything.

Eli-"CLARE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

I didn't respond I just kept walking. I was almost out of the park, I didn't think he would follow me all the way home and leave Morty here, but then again you never can tell with Eli.

Eli-"CLARE! I'M TALKING TO YOU! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

I knew I had to respond; at least it might make him go back to Morty and leave me alone.

Me-"HOME!"

Eli-"Okay….WHY?"

I turned around to face him.

Me-"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!" I turned back around and continued walking.

Eli-"WHAT THE HELL? HOW AM I AN ASSHOLE?"

I turned back around to face him. We were probably 7 feet from one another.

Me-"NOT ONLY ARE YOU AN ASSHOLE, BUT YOU'RE A LIAR! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU BUT I CAN'T."

I turned around and went on my way. For a moment he was quiet, but I figured he was just in shock because I knew he wouldn't give up that easy.

Eli-"AND WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST ME?"

I was beyond pissed so I turned around and let him have it.

Me-"BECAUSE YOU USE PEOPLE, AND YOU'RE A PLAYER."

He got a really shocked look on his face.

Eli-"WHAT?"

I couldn't speak; I was too close on the verge of tears. It didn't dawn of me until now that I still had the pair of black lacey panties that I found in Morty balled up in my hand. I didn't know what else to do so I threw this at him. He caught them and got this real shocked and pissed look on his face.

Eli-"Before you say you don't want to hear this, just please give me a chance."

Me-"Fine, you've got 2 minutes."

Eli-"Last night at the dance, I drove Imogen home and then Adam and I fled to the after party to make sure you were okay. Adam told me that you didn't know Jake at all and I was worried. I was trying to figure out a way to get Imogen to go home, but that's when her mom called telling her to come home. I drove her to her house and Adam was with us. I told her that we both had to be home so I was going to drop him off at home too. Well when she got out of the car, she was walking toward her door when she turned back around and faced the car. That's when she pulled her panties down and threw them in the car at me and told me she would be thinking about me. I swear I had nothing to do with it, you can ask Adam. I was repulsed by them because I don't like her like that so I immediately flung them in the floor as soon as they touched me. I honestly forgot about them with everything that was going on at the after party last night."

I know I was just pissed five seconds ago but after hearing what happened and seeing the honest look on his face I felt stupid. I just wanted to crawl under a rock and hide forever.

Me-"Oh."

Yeah I know I'm a loser because that's all I could think of to say. He walked up to me and took my hands.

Eli-"I would never have sex with her, not only because I would never ever want to be with her like that, but also because my heart already belongs to someone else."

I couldn't look at him so I just stared at my hands in his; they seem to fit so perfectly.

Me-"Are you just saying that because you don't want to hurt my feelings?"

A look of frustration came over his face.

Eli-"How many times do I have to tell you that I really care about you before you believe me? I care about you A LOT. I'm not just saying that to hurt you or get you in bed with me."

I believed him I really did, but there was just this big cloud of doubt in the back of my mind.

Me-"It's just…."

I could tell he was getting mad because he dropped my hands and looked at me sternly.

Eli-"It's just what? Do you think I'm a bad guy who's going to hurt you? Or are you so insecure of yourself that you don't believe me?"

I couldn't take it anymore. It all had to come out, everything. All the secrets, the feelings, everything had to be spilled right now.

Me-"No...yeah. Fine ok, no! I know you're not the bad guy and I know you won't hurt me. It's just that you stand there with your sexy body, and your sexy smirk, and your amazing eyes. You're this wonderful guy that's sweet, and caring and nice and perfect, and you stand here telling me, the schools biggest bitch with emotional issues, that you care about me. I can't help but stand here and think that you're playing me because why would a guy like you ever want to be with a girl like me? No one wants to be with me, not my father, not anyone; but that's fine because I don't deserve to be with anyone. And I-"

He cut me off before I could finish.

Eli-"Whoa, wait." I was getting very impatient.

Me-"WHAT!"

Eli-"Why wouldn't I want to be with you? You're perfect."

Me-"HA! Perfect? I'm not even close to perfect. I mean look at me and look at all the girls at Degrassi. They're skinny, and beautiful. They're perfect not me. I know why no one wants to be with me. I'm not pretty, I don't have the perfect family, or anything that's perfect."

Eli-"But you are perfect, I just wish you could see it."

Me-"Oh, I do see it but it's not perfection that I see every day when I look in the mirror. I see an ugly girl who's broken and unloved. My mom is too busy shoving her tongue down young men's throats to even realize that I have become an outcast, or to realize that I cut myself. I see a girl whose father ran out and doesn't love her. I see someone who is scarred. I see a broken heart."

Eli-"Why can't you just admit that you love me?"

Me-"What good is it to tell you that I love you? What good is it to tell you that you're my every thought from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, and then you're in my dreams? What good is it for me to tell you that the only time I feel fear as others do is when I picture you in harm's way? So how is it any good to tell you I love you when I know that I won't be able to have you? I won't tell you I love you. I can't bare the heart break of telling you how I feel and then see you with Imogen or any girl who you decided to be with. I won't be able to handle it, my poor heart can't deal with it."

The tears started streaming down and I couldn't stop them.

Me-"But it doesn't really matter now."

Eli-"Clare..-"

Me-"No, Don't you dare stand there and feel sorry for me. I'm fine, I've handled a lot of things in my life, I'm pretty sure I can handle rejection."

I turned around and walked off. The tears wouldn't stop and I didn't care to try. Everything was said and done. There was no going back, it was over. I didn't get far because I felt Eli grab my arm and pull me back. I was close to telling him to just let me go because I didn't want to hear it, but before I could say anything I felt his lips on mine.


	21. Chapter 21

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 21

Clare's POV:

His lips were so soft. At first I was lifeless under his touch, but when my mind finally processed what was happening my hands found their way and tangled in his dark brown shaggy locks. His arms found their way around my waist. His tongue begged for entrance and I opened willingly giving it to him. Our tongues fought for dominance and he eventually won, but I didn't mind. We were so caught up in the moment, not wanting to part, but our lack of breath said otherwise. Hell I was kissing the man I loved; I would hold my breath until I turned purple instead of parting. Eli pulled away first and I felt him smirk against my lips. When we were finally parted my eyes stayed closed. We stood there with our foreheads touching, just soaking in the moment. He pulled away and I still kept my eyes closed. As much as I wanted to see his green eyes filled with lust, I couldn't open mine. I was scared that once I opened my eyes, he would disappear.

Eli-"Clare, look at me."

Me-"I…..I can't."

I could imagine him looking confused and hurt, but if this was all in my head, I didn't want it to end right now.

Eli-"Why not?"

Me-"I'm scared."

I heard him sigh.

Eli-"I'm scared to, but it's a risk I'm willing to take."

Me-"No, I mean what if this is all in my head? I've been waiting forever for this moment, and if it's just made up in my head, I'm scared that when I open my eyes you'll be gone."

He brought his hand up and placed it on my cheek, whipping away the tears that I had let escape.

Eli-"Oh Clare, this is really happening. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, I promise; just look at me."

I slowly opened my eyes and he was standing there looking at me with all the love in the world. I started into his eyes and I knew I was where I belonged. They say that when you fall in love you see the world from a different perspective; and that's exactly how I was seeing things now. The fairytale movies, and love songs barely touched down on what love really is. It isn't just finding someone to marry and make a family with, it's finding that special someone who makes you feel complete. And that was exactly what I had found in Elijah Goldsworthy. He was my number one, not only did he make me feel complete but he made me feel invincible. All my life I had felt out of place, and like nothing, but when I was with him he made me feel like I had finally found my place in the world. He took my hands once again and placed his forehead against mine. I loved feeling his warmth and breath wash over my face.

Eli-"Clare, I love you."

I was taken aback by his words. It took me a moment to find my voice.

Me-"I love you too."

He pressed his lips to mine, and this time it wasn't passionate and rushed; it was loving and gentle. If I could I would just kiss him all the time. Again like the first time he pulled away first. I opened my eyes and saw his full of lust and love; god that was a good look on him.

Eli-"I love you so much."

Me-"Are you sure? I mean you could have any girl in the world."

He looked at me strangely.

Eli-"Yes, I'm sure. I love you. I don't know if you understand but you're it for me. You're everything I could and will ever want; you're perfect to me. All those other girls have nothing on you. You're the most amazing person I have ever met. You're sweet, caring, funny, beautiful, and I love you. I love the way you bite your lip when you're deep in thought, I love the way all you need is a book and a comfy seat to be content, I love the way your curls bounce when you walk, and I absolutely love the way I can be having the worst day ever and just seeing your face and big beautiful eyes can make everything all better. I love you; from every hair on your head to the purple polish on your toes. I love you unconditionally."

I do believe I lost the control over my tears halfway through his speech. It was so touching and sweet. Never have it ever had someone love me that much. But most of all I've never loved someone and have them feel the same way. Sure I thought I had loved K.C but now feeling what true love really is, I realize that I never loved him. I was just looking for someone to love me; but I know now that you'll find love when you aren't looking for it and when you least expect it. I finally felt like everything was going to be okay.

Eli-"I just hope you meant it when you say you love me to."

And for the first time ever I saw a tear escape his eye.

Me-"Of course I love you. I love everything. I love that stupid smirk of yours, I love your eyes, I could get lost in them forever. I love the way you can always tell when something is wrong with me and how you won't give up when I tell you it's nothing. I love the way you scrunch your eyebrows when you're confused. I love how when you pick me up in the morning for school, your hair is messy but perfect. I love everything about you and always will. You're the man of my dreams and you can't believe how happy it makes me to realize that I get to keep you forever; that you're mine."

He smiled contently at me and whispered in my ear.

Eli-"I'm yours and you're mine…..forever."

Me-"I could live with forever."

Eli-"Me too."

He led me back to Morty. It began to rain so we climbed in the back of Morty and laid back in each other's arms on some pillows and under some blankets. We laid there for what seemed like forever but it was really only like 5 minutes. The only sound was our heart beats and the rain outside.

Me-"When did you first realize that you loved me?"

Eli-"Well, I kind of knew deep down in my heart that I loved you when I first set eyes on you, but I really realized it like a week before the Halloween dance."

Me-"Same here, but why didn't you do anything or ask me to the dance?"

He laughed in his throat.

Eli-"Do you remember that day when you, me and Adam hung out in your basement and you were all quiet?"

Me-"Yeah?"

Eli-"Well, when you and I were upstairs getting popcorn and drinks I was going to ask you to the dance then. Adam had kept telling me to go for it, but then he came upstairs and made the comment about us being together and you got mad and went downstairs. Well, then I kind of thought that you didn't like the thought of us being together."

He paused.

Me-"I wasn't really mad, more upset. But the only reason I went downstairs was because Adam knew how I felt about you and whenever he made the comments about us being together it just reminded me of what we would never be."

Eli-"Oh, well then that day you sat there practically ignoring me, and I thought you didn't want to be near me, so I decided to just go home."

Me-"So you're mom didn't really need your help?"

Eli-"Nope, but I only said that so I could leave and maybe make you feel more comfortable. And then before I could get out of the door, you and Adam started talking about this guy that you loved. At first I thought that it might be me, but then I heard you tell Adam not to tell me. then he told you that I would find out eventually. Then you told him that you were going to make your move this weekend but you needed Adam to distract me until you were done. So I thought you were talking about someone else."

I could hear the sadness in his voice and it broke my heart. I twisted around so I could see his face.

Me-"I was talking about you. I needed Adam to distract you because that night you told me that told me that you were going to the dance as Romeo so you could make your Juliet happy. I thought you were talking about me because it's my favorite, so I wanted you distracted so I could get that beautiful dress back to my house without you seeing it."

Eli-"Oh, well when we got to the dance why did you pick up the first guy you saw?"

Me-"Well, when I got there and came up to talk to you I was going to tell you that I loved you, but then your girlfriend Imogen came up and it broke my heart when I heard you say that she was your girlfriend, that's why I left. And that's why I was crying. I went out to the front steps to get some air, when I met Jake. I told him everything that had happened between us and he told me that if I wanted to know how you felt I should make you jealous. So that's why I pretended that he was my boyfriend."

Eli-"Yeah but last night Adam called me and told me that you really liked Jake and you were going to ask him out."

Me-"I only said that because I knew that if Adam had told you that Jake wasn't my boyfriend, he would eventually tell you that I was just with Jake to make you jealous, and I couldn't have that. The only person who needed to tell you was me."

Eli-"Oh."

Me-"Yeah."

Eli-"Well, I never really like Imogen."

That one shocked me.

Me-"But…..you acted like you did. That's why I didn't say anything because you looked happy and I didn't want to take that away from you. I loved you and I wanted you to be happy."

Eli-"Nope, I never liked her. That day after I left, I went to the Dot to just calm down and I met her. She asked me to the dance as friends, but then I asked her as more then friends. It was mean because I used her, but I felt like if you had someone I wanted to have someone too."

I couldn't help it, I just blurted out laughing. He looked at me like I was crazy but then joined in.

Eli-"That's another thing I love about you; your laugh and how contagious it is. But anyways what's so funny?"

Me-"It's just that we were both thinking the same thing and tried to do the same thing. You thought I loved someone else so you went out with Imogen. I thought you loved Imogen so I pretended to go out with Jake. The only difference was that Jake knew about my plan and Imogen was oblivious to yours. And really we loved each other but because we thought we weren't good enough for the other to love, we caused a bigger mess than we had to begin with. We let our insecurities get in the way of telling the truth about how we felt; we made a mess of things."

He nodded in agreement. Everything was quiet for a few moments.

Me-"Promise me something."

Eli-"Anything."

Me-"Promise me that if you have to tell me something about anything, whether it be that you don't love me anymore and you're leaving me or if you want to take a break, just tell me don't let anything come between you telling me the truth."

Eli-"I promise."

Me-"I promise too."

Eli-"But Clare, you won't have to ever worry about me wanting to leave you, because I will never stop loving you."

Me-"I'll never stop loving you either."

I leaned up and pressed my lips to his. He returned the kiss and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer. I was lost in his mouth and I didn't want to be found. After a few moments we had to pull away because of lack of air. My breathing was jacked up and my heart was racing. I don't know how he did it, but he flipped us so he was hovering over me. As soon as we parted he continued kissing down my jaw line and neck. I was addicted to him and his mouth. He ran his mouth up to my ear and began nibbling; he then made his way back down to where my shoulder meets my neck and bit down. Pain and pleasure were mixing together, and I loved it. I couldn't speak or think; I was lost in the moment. I needed his lips on mine again so I grabbed his face and reconnected with him. The kiss was hot and passionate; two lovers needing each other. I flipped us over so I could straddle him. I bent down and kissed him hard. Our tongues fought and he let me win. I made my way all around his mouth, taking all that he felt like in. Our tongues continued dancing together. This was perfect; it was everything I thought it would be and more. I took a hold of his tongue and suck on it; he tasted so good. I was about to take my shirt off when there was a loud banging on Morty's back door. I climbed off of him and I noticed him adjusting himself down low. He adjusted all my clothes to make sure I looked presentable.

Adam-"CLARE….ELI YOU BETER OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I KNOCK IT DOWN!"

_**Hey guys. How's everyone? I hope you all are doing good, and I hope you all are loving the way this came out. let me tell you, I rewrote this chapter like 5 times. I just couldn't get it right, but I fell really good about how this came out. I hope everyone is enjoying the story and I do have a question for you guys. Ok so when Clare and Eli have sex do you guys want there to be details or do you want me to just describe their makingout session and deciding to have sex and then just come back with the morning after and not describe it? if you would please review and tell me which one you'd like better I'd appreciate it a lot. Thanks **_


	22. Chapter 22

Broken and Unloved

Chapter 22

Eli's POV:

If you had of told me that by 5:30pm I would be in the back of Morty making out with the girl I loved, I would have probably told you you were crazy. But as crazy as it may seem that is exactly what I was doing right now. I was wrapped up with Clare making out. Everything had turned out okay after all. She admitted that she loved me and I kissed her, trying to wash away her doubt. It worked because then we explained everything to each other and here we are. We were really getting into it when a big bang interrupted us. I and she both halted our actions and she climbed off me. I was super scared that it was going to be the police. That would be a big bummer.

Adam-"CLARE….ELI YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DOOR BEFORE I KNOCK IT DOWN!"

I looked over at Clare who was adjusting her bra and shirt. I sighed and she did too. It wasn't hard to tell that we were aggravated that we were interrupted. I waited until Clare was all fixed and was sitting against the wall of Morty and reading a book. I opened the door, and saw a red faced Adam. Great, he looked pissed.

Adam-"There you two are. I'm glad you guys aren't dead; I've been trying to get in touch with you guys forever. I tried calling to see what you guys wanted to do and neither of you answered."

Me-"Sorry, Clare and me just got busy talking and time escaped us."

Adam-"It's okay, but next time if you're going to be too busy to answer the phone tell me before hand."

Me-"Will do."

Adam-"So, I guess I'll leave you guys alone now?"

Clare-"Well, I was just about to head home and get a shower and chill. I'm super tired, and I was wondering if you guys wanted to hang for a few hours. Maybe watch some movies?"

God bless Clare. She's such a saint; putting away her sexual needs to spend time with a friend. Lol.

Me-"Sounds great to me."

Adam-"Me too. But can I get ride? I had to walk the whole way."

Me-"Of course."

Clare and I climbed out of Morty and went around front to get in.

Clare's POV:

I sat next to Eli while Adam sat next to the door. While Eli was driving, I took his hand in mine and I guess Adam noticed.

Adam-"Its official I'm a third wheel."

I blushed and Eli laughed.

Clare-"No you're not, that's just silly."

The rest of the ride was filled with Eli and I holding hands, Adam making mushy gushy comments, and Dead Hand playing in the background. Once we got to my house, as usual Eli and Adam made their way downstairs to the basement to pick out movies as I went to the kitchen to pop the popcorn and get drinks. I hopped up on the counter to wait, I was just about to go down to the basement when Eli came strolling in the kitchen.

Eli-"And what do we have here?"

Me-"Just a girl waiting for the popcorn to get done."

He walked over in front of me.

Eli-"Looks like this girl needs to do something to help pass the time."

Me-"Well, what did you have in mind?"

Eli-"I don't know, but I'm sure we can think of something."

He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back, and I know I know you guys must be thinking "goodness when are ya'll ever going to stop". But trust me, when you get to kiss the man you love, and he's sexy as hell, you won't ever want to stop. He put his hands on my knees and spread my legs open so he could come between then. Once he was in between them I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him as close as possible. He moaned in my mouth and I loved it.

Adam-"Hey guy, I have decided between Jeepers Creepers and Nightmare on-" We quickly pulled apart and Adam just stood there shocked.

Me-"Umm, excuse us." I was blushing like crazy, Eli was standing there smirking, and Adam looked awkward as hell.

Adam-"You know, I think I'll just head home and give ya'll some time alone." He made his way to the door and I jumped off the counter and walked after him.

Me-"You don't have too. We really want to hang out with you."

He gave me a sincere look.

Adam-"I know, but you guys need time together. We can always hang out tomorrow, but you guys need time together finally as a couple."

Me-"Are you sure."

Adam-"Yeah, it's no problem, besides it's getting late anyways, mom will be wanting me home soon. I'll see you guys tomorrow." He smiled us both a big smile and then he was gone.

I turned around and faced Eli

Eli-"Well, now we can continue with where we were."

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and smirked. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close. I pulled away and walked back to the kitchen. He turned and looked at me, not understanding my actions, but I just bit my lip and smiled at him. I was propped up against the counter, waiting on the popcorn, when he came right behind me. I was trying to pretend to be unhappy with him but with Eli and his smirk I couldn't even do that. He leaned down to kiss me and I was just going to stand there and pretend not to care, but once his lips touched mine I was a goner. My arms wrapped around his neck and his were placed on my waist. After a few moments he moved his hands down to my ass. At first I thought he was just copping a feel, which I wouldn't have minded but instead he grabbed and picked me up, placing me on the counter again. My hands found their way and tangled in his brown locks. Eli was such a better kisser than K.C. I pulled away a few minutes later for air. We pulled back and just stared at each other for what seemed like forever. We were about to start again when I got a phone call from my mom.

Me-"Damnit." I was about to get up and get it when I decided to fuck it. I started kissing him again.

Eli-"You better get it, it could be important." He muttered against my lips.

Me-"Uhhhh, fine but you better not go anywhere."

I picked up the phone and it was my mom. After she told me that she was going to be spending the night at her "friends" house I made my way back into the kitchen to find Eli gone.

Me-"Eli, where are you?"

He called up from my room. I made my way up there and found him laid out on my bed with his eyes closed.

Me-"And what are you doing? Trying to get me in bed already are we?" I asked jokingly.

Eli-"Come lay with me." I kicked my shoes off and laid down next to him. his scent was intoxicating.

Eli-"You know this isn't just about sex and that stuff right."

Me-"Of course, I know you love me as I love you. But trust me I don't mind doing that stuff."

Eli-"I know but I don't want you to feel like I'm rushing you. I want to take this slow."

Me-"Me too."

I snuggled close to his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

Me-"That was my mom."

Eli-"Does that mean I have to leave?" He pouted and stuck out his lips. I laughed.

Me-"Nope, she called to let me know she won't be home tonight. So I was thinking, takeout, movie and then maybe you might want to stay over?"

Eli-"I'd love too."

And that's exactly what we did.

_**Hey guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it wasn't as long as the last couple but I wanted to ask another question before I got to far in the story. Ok so Clare and Eli wont be having sex until further into the story, but I do want them to have some sexual encounters. So I was just wondering when do you guys think they should do that? After 3 weeks of dating, one month, 2 months. Or longer? Just review and tell me when you think they should have it. I want it to be like they are taking steps in their sexual relationship before they just jump in and have sex. I also think I want to do a shower scene. Lol but anyways just review and let me know what you think. Thanks **_


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